Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Cat Titles Co.

Leave your cat, get a loan!
  [vote for,

Here in stupid Springfield, there is a "Title Loan" company on every street corner. (Those that aren't occupied by liquor stores that is...).

These must be very lucrative financial businesses, me thinks, or they wouldn't keep popping up every week. Somebody's making a few bucks off of you having a car, but no money. So they loan you money and if you can't pay it back, they get the title to your car. Viola!

Well that's just ducky for those with a car, but some of us poor dolts, who don't own a car, well...let's just say, when I'm broke, I'm shit out of luck.

That brings me to "Cat Titles Co". Bring in your kitty and his/her official papers, (adoption papers from Humane Society will suffice), and you get cash. LOTS OF CASH!!! As much cash as you can carry. Then when you are back on your feet, pay some money to the Cat Title Co. and get your kitty back.

Win-Win, I say.

blissmiss, Apr 11 2019


       [8th] is going to be on this like a fly on horseshit.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 11 2019

       That's not exactly the similie we would prefer, but ... yes.   

       It's a wonderful idea. You can leave the cat with us for as long as you like, decades if necessary. We promise to return it when you pay back the money plus a small service charge.   

       We will offer a choice of attractive airtight receptacles to contain your treasured pet after the cryopreservation cycle is complete.   

       <Starts building industrial air liquefaction plant/>
8th of 7, Apr 11 2019

       More of a parody of La Bohème ...   

       <Scribbles lyrics to "Your Tiny Cat Is Frozen" />
8th of 7, Apr 12 2019

       Sadly I thought I timed the posting of this idea perfectly. Figuring that [8th] would be fast asleep, kneading his indulgently overstuffed kitty cat doll, as he quietly snored himself into a deep stupor, in return keeping my delightful little "cat titles" idea safe and sound until Friday.   

       No such luck. He must be a vampire or something like that. RATS.
blissmiss, Apr 12 2019

       [+] but I thought it was going to be about establishing a peerage system for felines, which I imagine would meet with broad furry approval.
FlyingToaster, Apr 12 2019

       Hello blissmiss [+]   

       // attractive airtight receptacles //   

       It would be possible to argue that as long as the receptacle remains closed, the cat could still be alive.
DenholmRicshaw, Apr 12 2019

       Ah yes, the "Schrödinger", one of our most popular lines ...
8th of 7, Apr 12 2019

       you'd sell your cat? <shocked!> sell your husband for gawd's sake. I can't bring myself to vote for this.
po, Apr 12 2019

       I recently raised the finance for a new arboretum by offering [8th] as security.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 12 2019

       You forged our signature on the loan application. That's not quite the same thing.
8th of 7, Apr 12 2019

       Or so you thought. Sometimes it pays to read the small print. It'll be fine, though. Sturton and the intercalary have devised a brilliant money-spinning idea, something to do with cornering the market in cottage cheese and cutting the Armenians right out of the deal. Apparently we'll all be rolling in money soon, hopefully before you're forfeited.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 12 2019

       po, no. po, no. po, no.   

       You leave your kitty there as collateral. They care for your kitty till you can find a job and make enough to pay them back for the loan. I would never sell my kitty, my husband however, is a whole 'nother ballgame.   

       Helllllooo DenholmRicshaw [+], long time no speak... ;-)
blissmiss, Apr 12 2019

       //Bring in your kitty and his/her official papers, (adoption papers from Humane Society will suffice), and you get cash. LOTS OF CASH!!! As much cash as you can carry. Then when you are back on your feet, pay some money to the Cat Title Co. and get your kitty back.//   

       How much does a cat cost at the Humane Society?
Because I think there might be a lucrative arbitrage business opportunity here.
Loris, Apr 12 2019

       // al. They care for your kitty //   

       Actually, our small print reads "We will take care of your cat", as in Don Corleone Offer-you-can't-refuse "Take care of".   

       Think Pulp Fiction, omitting the scene with the Gimp.   

       //, my husband however, is a whole 'nother ballgame. //   

       We'll do discounts for quantity. <Turns up air liquefaction plant to full power, wonders if [Bliss]'s hubby will fit in a standard oil drum/>   


       [MB], that white stuff isn't cottage cheese. Go and google "chrysotile asbestos".   

       Reselling thermal insulation from the powerplants of ex Warsaw-pact nuclear subs is probably not the path to fortune he has assumed. Yes, it's good money to take it away, and yes, it is genuinely calorie-free.   

       If he wants an explanation of why those sailors were somewhat peevish when he started hacking at the claddjng with a cheese knife, it's because he is only supposed to work on boats that have actually been decommissioned. The fact that they were thirty metres down in the Barents sea should have been a clue.   

       If he's going to sign contracts like that, he really should learn to read Cyrillic first. Or get it translated. In fact, just learning to read would be helpful. When we last checked he was still on page four of Patch The Dog And The Green Ball.   

8th of 7, Apr 12 2019

       … but suppose you never have the cash to get your beloved sycho back? would there be visiting rights?
po, Apr 13 2019

       They assured me that there wouldn't be.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 13 2019

       po, no.
blissmiss, Apr 13 2019

       Thing is, don't bet with loved ones. A sure thing might be a different story, like if the money is 'definitely' coming in a week.
wjt, Apr 13 2019

       Are cat titles intended for cats of no 'bility?
lurch, Apr 15 2019

       Trying not to think about pawn and pussy in the same sentence.
UnaBubba, Apr 16 2019

       UnaB. I hadn't until you did. Now I can't stop. Gee, thanks.   

blissmiss, Apr 17 2019

       Sounds like time to move to where the jobs are.
RayfordSteele, Apr 17 2019


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