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Chain Smoker's Pride Parade

The Most Maligned Minority in New York Gets to March.
  (+3, -1)
(+3, -1)
  [vote for,

I just read the heated argument over in the Large Figured Person's Parade idea. The idea of people "killing" themselves with food, the concept of size acceptance, etc.

Let there be a parade for people who we KNOW are killing themselves! Last time I checked, the taxes on cigarettes went for: the war on drugs, education, social security, and other worthwhile causes. Without smokers, where are we? Most of the bars in town don't let you smoke inside anymore - the alcohol industry IS suffering. Nobody loves us. We're not nearly as problematic as alcoholics, but they're welcome EVERYWHERE!

So lift your unfiltered for the smokers, everyone. Maybe you'll see us as we pass... or maybe you'll just see the cloud.

bwv61, Aug 02 2004

Smoking World Record http://www.members....t/
Looks like you've got a long way to go, [bwv61]. "Stefan Sigmund of Transylvania smokes 800 cigarettes in less than six minutes, breaking his 1995 record of 750." With picture. [lostdog, Oct 21 2004]

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       I've never been to a bar that I couldn't smoke at.
yabba do yabba dabba, Aug 02 2004

       There are lots of places downtown, but midtown, forget it! It just ain't happy hour anymore without a solid afternoon pack.
bwv61, Aug 02 2004

       Can we Molotov them, as they pass?
Zanzibar, Aug 02 2004

       [Zanzibar] Um... is that comment meant for the "Alternative War" discussion? Hey, we'll all die nice and young, don't worry. Save your bombs for those who are too religious and dangerous to smoke.
bwv61, Aug 02 2004

       No, it was meant for this discussion.
Zanzibar, Aug 02 2004

       See what I mean about "most maligned"? Jesus, Joseph and Mary... Who else would you bomb as they march along? Pro-choice/ Pro-life? Gays and lesbians? The NRA? Marijuana Legalization Groups? Nuns? Personally, I think your reaction is a bit too strong for a bunch of peaceful folks toting around their coffin nails.
bwv61, Aug 02 2004

       Perhaps a solution more in keeping with the spirit of the idea would be to leave large gasoline puddles in the path of the parade. Someone will drop a butt in it.
GutPunchLullabies, Aug 02 2004

       I think smokers need to stand up for them selfs and smoke where ever they please. If the guy next to me in at applebees can reek of cheap liquor and and sweat, why cant i smoke my damned newports.   

       if you got a problem with my smoke hold your breath** and see which kills you first.
Jim_Bean, Aug 02 2004

       I don't have a problem with your smoke, [Jim], provided I can choose which accelerant to use, to get the conflagration started.   

       //Who else would you bomb as they march along? Pro-choice/ Pro-life? Gays and lesbians? The NRA? Marijuana Legalization Groups? Nuns?//   

       I can think of perfectly good reasons why someone would want to be rid of all of those groups. My philosophy is simple:
Zanzibar, Aug 02 2004

       here we go again...
xclamp, Aug 02 2004

half, Aug 02 2004

       Yeah, the voice of reason squeaks out.
Zanzibar, Aug 02 2004

       I just lurk on the extremities of extremism, smoking fags and dodging richochets.
lostdog, Aug 02 2004

       Better make it a short parade. And supply oxygen tanks at the end.
RayfordSteele, Aug 02 2004

       [Jim_Bean] Newports, eh? Ever smoke herbals? Those things will rip you inside out.   

       But anyway... as for extremists, there are the benign extremists and the malicious extremists. There are those who enjoy a good double light-up, and then there are those who enjoy world domination.   

       And thanks for the air tank, Xuxu, I haven't breathed in years.
bwv61, Aug 02 2004

       I think the first step to us all getting along is not to have things like "just smokers" or "just fat people" parades. If we all want to be treated the same, why is everyone wanting special treatment? It seems to me this kind of thinking is what got us here in the first place. Unity, not diversity.   

       But, since my words will have no effect on these activities, I give you a bun. Smokers are very oppressed as it is, and they should be able to have their parade too. [+++]
destructionism, Aug 02 2004

       Boo-yah! I got a bun from Destructionism! I really do agree with you, Gogo, that we should all strive to be a "uniter, not a divider" and the people who love people who smoke should definately march along. We have families and friends, just like those of you who have normal lungs, and I bet if I invited my grandma to march in the Chain Smoker's Parade, she'd jump at the chance. Then she'd smack me in the head for smoking, but I know she loves me anyway.
bwv61, Aug 02 2004

       Oops...forgot to vote. I promise I voted this time. :D
destructionism, Aug 02 2004

       My grandma would be very interested in this Chain Smoker's Pride Parade...if she hadn't died of lung cancer a couple of years ago while in otherwise perfect mental and good physical health.
half, Aug 02 2004

       Oh, Half, dear...   

       I talk big, as currently I'm a competetive smoker, but I know that pleasures such as these can only be temporary. God bless your grandma, and her love for you. Tragedy strikes in horrible ways, it's true, and I won't pretend I don't understand mortality. That's how I lost my pai when I was a kid, actually, same story. But what better way to show the people in your life who smoke how important they are to you than walk in their very own parade? Throwing bombs on me just make me nervous... and light up.
bwv61, Aug 02 2004

Zanzibar, Aug 02 2004

       Um, no. Not filtered. The regular kind. Camels, because I can't find Lucky Strike around anymore.
bwv61, Aug 02 2004

       You weren't expected to understand.
Zanzibar, Aug 03 2004

       I'm all for this. The quicker you kill yourselves, the less time I have to; breathe in your toxins, your stench, your clouds of stinky, clingy smoke, and/or, god forbid, hear yet once again, your inability to even try to make peace with a system, (your body), that is not equipped to exist within the confines of your ignorance.
blissmiss, Aug 03 2004

       Of course, the difference between this and, say, gay pride parades is that no-one is affected by passive homosexuality. To my knowledge.   

       Also, if people stopped smoking they'd spend their money elsewhere and the taxes would still be acquired to be spent on bureaucracy.
harderthanjesus, Aug 03 2004

       I'm tempted to write something about meat-tobacco.
destructionism, Aug 03 2004

       Actually, smoking meat is a very common way to sell a meat item now that i think about it.
destructionism, Aug 03 2004

       By the time I got to the end of these annos I was thinking about smoking so much I just had to go and have a ciggy.   

       I don't wish to rain on your parade but what if it, er rains on your parade?
dobtabulous, Aug 03 2004

       You're suggesting that smokers, in protest at their being forced to smoke outside, gather outside and smoke? Fine by me.   

       Also, //Without smokers, where are we?//. Um, indoors?
calum, Aug 03 2004


       In a few weeks, I'm going to have a practice run for the Guinness Book. I'm aiming for two records in particular: most cigarettes smoked simultaneously and most cigarettes smoked in a one hour period. If I come close to the standing records, I'm going to set up a meeting (hopefully televised!!! - yeah right). I am unsure as to the record for most cigarettes smoked in a day, because that's something I could aim for as well. My current best is 420, 21 full packs. I figure, once I succeed at this, I will cut back to four packs a day again, and then try to quit. The challenge will be over by then.   

       Anyway, I don't understand why people get so riled up about smoking. Yes, it's bad for your health. So what? Life is here for living, not for complaining about. And if I make it in the books, I am seriously expecting a parade.
bwv61, Aug 03 2004

       Smoking's not something to be proud of.
yabba do yabba dabba, Aug 03 2004

       I think the parade is more likely to be a procession. Sorry to be a downer. I'll bet the larger challenge will be quitting - why not skip the easy target and move right on to the tough one?
Ichthus, Aug 03 2004

       420 in a day? ... assuming you devoted the entire 24 hours to such a noble cause, that's one every 3.4 minutes. I hope you won a bet or something...
luecke, Aug 03 2004

       When did you eat? And I take it you didn't shower that day.
lostdog, Aug 03 2004

       Well, folks, I rarely smoke one cigarette at a time while in training - at least two or sometimes three. For party gags, I'll walk around with an entire mouthful. For the simultaneous smoking event, I will actually attempt to smoke 12 packs at once, bound together in a funnel.   

       I don't eat all that much. And I smoke in the shower as well. My 420 day I was being egged on by all my coworkers and we hung out in the office until after midnight.
bwv61, Aug 03 2004

       Make it a procession of caskets, and it would be closer to reality.
blissmiss, Aug 03 2004

       "Maybe you'll see us as we pass"...heh, maybe we'd be able to avoid seeing your untimely passing if you'd quit smoking.   

       Being the intelligent person that you are, [bwv61], you expected this sort of reception for your idea. Didn't you?   

       In case you weren't aware, pretty much all pro-smoking ideas around here go down in flames. Or is that up in smoke? Or is that down in anti-smoke?
half, Aug 03 2004

       Of course I expected this kind of reception! But sometimes it's fun to see people riled up over social taboos like smoking. The entire concept is fraught with sarcasm and I take my poison in a self-depreciating way. I was just so shocked over the poor reception for the parade of people of larger size, many of whom are in excellent health and do not need to lose weight to be healthy and live happy lives. Anyone who smokes like I do knows they're nailing their own coffin shut - please. When I've extended myself enough in this absurd game of nicotene addiction, I'll excuse myself with humility and do it the way I should - under a doctor's care.
bwv61, Aug 03 2004

       I'd hate to have an apartment overlooking this parade!   

       P.S. Who would play the tubas? Seems like it would be hard to puff and puff at the same time.
phundug, Aug 03 2004

       Golly gee, you'd hate it here in Los Angeles, [bwv61]. Sometimes they don't even let people smoke in the outside seating at restaurants. Oh, and they've banned smoking on the beaches.
Machiavelli, Aug 03 2004

       "Who would play the tubas?" How about a special mouthpiece with checkvalves and a cigarette holding tube. The puffer puffer could use their lips to control the amount of inhaled air that came through the mouthpiece (as opposed to free air). The pressure blown in to the mouthpiece would be directed through the instrument as normal.   

       I wouldn't want to be responsible for keeping the tar/nicotine/whatever deposits out of the instrument.   

       As a side effect, I guess smoke might come out of the instrument when played. That in itself might be an interesting effect to create with a smoke machine; trigger different patterns and volume of smoke based on air pressure and/or sound frequencies inside the instrument.
half, Aug 03 2004

       You can pound as many nails in your own coffin as you wish. Just stay away from mine. Smoke has this obnoxious habit of drifting. And to non-smokers, it's truly acrid.
RayfordSteele, Aug 03 2004

       // I don't understand why people get so riled up about smoking. //   

       Ah. You just haven't had enough people you know and love die of smoking-related illnesses yet. God willing, you'll remain ignorant.   

       Though, unfortunately, it seems those that know and love you have at least one to look forward to.
waugsqueke, Aug 03 2004

       [waugsqueke] Actually, I have lost my father when I was twenty to lung cancer. I take after him more, my sister after my mother. And it's funny, in a strange, creepy way, how I remember him every time I light up. There was nothing hard about him, nothing cold, everything was pure and honest, God bless him. If God gave me the chance to be more like him, I would jump at it, but not in that way, you know? I can't plea ignorance, I can't plea anything but that I miss him still.
bwv61, Aug 03 2004

       Interesting that that didn't dissuade you from smoking. It is, from the outside, a habit which I cannot comprehend. (I know I've shared this before, but) my grandmother smoked for probably 70 years and simply could not or would not quit. The day she was diagnosed with lung cancer she quit smoking. My brother went to visit her. She gave him the several cartons of cigarettes that she'd bought ahead.
half, Aug 03 2004

       [Half] Oh, I don't know... people do strange things for strange reasons, don't they? Whose cigarettes do you think I was smoking when I was ten? And God bless your grandma and her love for you, and the strength she found when she was faced with the wall of mortality. 70 years is a long time for this blissful misery - I doubt that I'll play the game THAT long. But someone like me can't really just pick up and quit unless I want to kill myself instantly instead of gradually.
bwv61, Aug 04 2004

       //could not or would not quit//
It's "would not".
//someone like me can't ... quit//
See above.
Smoke if you want to, but please don't make excuses.
angel, Aug 04 2004

       "people do strange things for strange reasons"
That they do.

       I dunno nuthin 'bout quittin' no smokin' myself, but my grandfather smoked for 30-some years. He decided one day that he no longer smoked. He threw away the pack that he had and never smoked again. (Not attempting to convince you to do anything - it's your body - just relating a story.) On the other hand, my dad smoked several packs a day (unfiltered: Pall Mall reds) for many years and he never had to put any effort in to quitting...he died of a heart attack at age 51. But, hey, it's your body, I'd never suggest what you might or mightn't do with it.
half, Aug 04 2004

       Wow, Pall Mall is hard core. I've never liked smoking on a filter, either, for some reason. God bless your dad and your grandpa and their love for you - this is a difficult game to strategize, and I'm impressed especially with your grandpa's physical and mental resolve. But I am uncertain about myself - it's what? 10:30? I've all ready run through three packs. I will probably suck up close to 200 today at this rate. Couldn't I die from the shock if one day I just stopped?
bwv61, Aug 04 2004

       Wow, 10 packs a day? I think Yul Brenner only smoked 5 packs a day.   

       Even if you really smoked as much as you say, I don't think you'd die from shock if you stopped. However, the people who know you might.
half, Aug 04 2004


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