h a l f b a k e r y
The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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With early man, it was fire. With the Wright brothers, the
aeroplane. With de Løemer, the self-righting hammock.
Plimsoll, the line.
My own personal epiphany has just happened, and it is the
cocktail dunking biscuit. Chance favours the prepared mind,
and in my case that chance was
the inadvertent dropping of
Hovis digestive biscuit into a particularly aggressive gin
martini. Not wanting to waste either, I naturally ate the
biscuit, and it was good.
But this is merely the beginning, the merest embryo of an
innovation. Hovis digestives, being designed for dunking
tea, are not optimal as cocktail dunking biscuits. Even the
Hobnob - a Colossus amongst dunkable biscuits - will not
serve this need. What is
needed, clearly, is a range of biscuits tailored to specific
alcoholic beverages. For example, the ideal martini-dunking
biscuit would be savoury rather than sweet, and have a salty
punch to it. Bloody Marys deserve something that can
the slow burn of tabasco. For the Mohito, perhaps
smoky with a hint of dark, bitter chocolate.
In short, prepare to set sail across an entire continent of
biscuit/cocktail pairings. The possibilities and, above all,
profits are unlimitless.
The Road To Wellville
Hilarious, yet deeply disturbing, particualrly the Yoghurt Room ... [8th of 7, Jun 02 2019]
||There is a combination of Italian biscuit and a type
of sherry that come as a paired experience.
Biscotti dipped in Vin Santo.
||Yes, yes, we remember Nice biscuits, but what would you pair
them with; something with pastis, perhaps, on geographical
||Digestives is a name of something you're supposed to put
in your mouth then?
||A boozy dipping biscuit seems interesting enough, but I
wouldn't use the word "digestive" anywhere near the
package. Like.. Gastro-Treats or something. Don't like to
think about the guts part when I'm eating. Or drinking.
||That being said this could be your million dollar idea.
People already eat stuff in martinis for instance. Olives.
Then those Bloody Mary drinks with the celery.
||Which begs the point, how absorbent would these things
be? Would they dissolve if you didn't eat them fast
enough? Would they be "absorbent yet firm"? (Don't use
that line in your advertising either.) Crunchy on the
inside, spongy on the outside to catch the booze?
||I have lots of questions before I invest.
||Ouzo and shortbread. Although, it usually depends on the quality of spirits.
||//Digestives is a name of something you're supposed to put in
your mouth then? // Digestives are what you call (I think)
||Ah. I believe those where brought to us by the same
who invented breakfast cereal as a way to stop
masturbation or something.
||I'm proud of how my vague recollection muddled the
facts in that statement because it's probably more
interesting than what actually happened.
||// the same guy who invented breakfast cereal as a way to stop masturbation or something //
||That would be the infamous Dr. Kellogg, proprietor of the equally notorious Battle Creek Sanitarium ... <link>
||So was the idea to keep one's hands busy eating crackers so
they couldn't get into trouble elsewhere?
||Wait a moment... hold on... this just in... I just totally lost
interest in the subject. Never mind.