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Continental plate reverse gear

  (+7, -1)
(+7, -1)
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I'm suggesting that continental plates should be fitted with a reverse gear, to at least ameliorate the worst of the damage,

I mean, just look at the Himalayas.

Going to take more than an hour with a ball-peen hammer and dent puller to sort that one out...

<cuts to guy with blue boilersuit and roll-up <sound of sucking air between the teeth>>. and saying "Well, it's not going to be cheap...I I mean, just look at those foothills" etc

not_morrison_rm, Feb 19 2014

Charged black hole http://en.wikipedia.../Charged_black_hole
A useful trait. [8th of 7, Feb 21 2014]

Bjork's tectonics song http://www.youtube....watch?v=ZM80F_J-QHE
...as you do [not_morrison_rm, Sep 21 2014]


       "Cor, 'oo sold you that, then ? Strewth ! 'S gonna be a lot of money ..."   


       "Good afternoon, sir. Is this your continent ? Would you be good enough to show me your licence and insurance, please ? Did you realise you're stopped in a no-subduction zone ?"
8th of 7, Feb 19 2014

       I mean, just don't talk to me about Gondwana land...six hours with a ten foot of scaffold pole, and could we move it...
not_morrison_rm, Feb 19 2014

       Great idea, nuke the himalayas!
pocmloc, Feb 19 2014

       If you try and pull out the wrinkles in one go, you're going to cause cracks. Continental crust is basically like toffee. In fact it actually is toffee, but the geologists are too embarrassed to admit it. They have no plausible explanation for the high complex sugar content of the mantle, and therefore insist that it's actually made of silicates of magnesium and aluminium.   

       A better method would be to apply weights on top of wrinkles such as the Himalayas and Wales, and let gravity slowly even out the bumps.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 19 2014

       Weights...yeah, well that was what them highbrows for the Royal Geological Society tried on Krakatoa.   

       I tole them blowtorch and then go over it with polyfilla, that's the trick, but did they listen..
not_morrison_rm, Feb 19 2014

       Yes, well knowing that lot I expect they overdid it hoping for a quick result. You can have it fast, cheap or good - pick any two.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 19 2014

       I for one am firmly against this idea. I happen to like mountains; I live nestled amongst some quite lovely ones, the air up here's fresh and clean and we locals make a tidy bit o' shine off those who come to share it with us. World would be a bit boring with all the wrinkles ironed out, don'tcha think?
Alterother, Feb 19 2014

       the earth doesn't have a reverse gear, bitches. what you are suggesting is a manipulation of earths internal structure.   

       i dinged you for not categorizing this idea in the category of geological engineering.   

       before you reverse earths plates, start with something simpler. like building massive tunnels underground. big ones.
teslaberry, Feb 19 2014

       Couldn't we just spin the Earth backwards, and let the inverse centrifugal force draw the plates in the opposite direction?
ytk, Feb 19 2014

       //the earth doesn't have a reverse gear, bitches. what you are suggesting is a manipulation of earths internal structure. //   

       Yo backatcha bitch. You may not yet have found the level at which the average HB denizen operates. Look up, not down.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 19 2014

       //i dinged you for not categorizing this idea in the category of geological engineering.   

       Less of the b word, if you please.   

       The average geological engineer sneers at this kind of thing, truth is, they can never get it right...   

       Like that time, the engineer at the back of the continent was saying "yep, yep, that's it, bit more, bit more....left...no, no, your left!!!" and it all went a bit pear-shaped.
not_morrison_rm, Feb 20 2014

       Since continental drift is driven by convection currents, would this involve some kind of massive heat pump to try and run these currents backwards?   

       Perhaps a number of enormous geothermal installations on one end, and some REALLY big heating coils on the other.
Hive_Mind, Feb 21 2014

       We should take advantage of the Earth's spinning nature. Imagine that the Earth is a workpiece, spinning away in a lathe. Now, we need a large lathe-style cutting tool in stationary, or opposite orbit*. This should then be slowly lowered until it starts knocking off the pointier bits of the Himalaya. After a few years we should have the more offensively high parts of the Himalaya sorted out. Shortly after we can start to round off the more wrinkly parts of North Africa/America.   

       Now, we can either work on one place at a time or several tools will need to be put in orbit... The Andes are a little annoying, but we should be able to do it.   

       After all the mountains are smoothed out, we should re-name the Earth. I recommend "New Holland".   

       *I'm not sure of the appropriate speed for rock, it's not a common lathe material... and the size is a little on the high end. My lathe-working textbook suggests a high-torque lathe for large or difficult work pieces. Fortunately, the Earth's rotational momentum can be described as "quite torquey" without any exaggeration. I also suspect that the tool hitting mountain sides at rotational (1000mph) + geostationary speed (7000mph) might require safety goggles.
bs0u0155, Feb 21 2014

       Just use a mini black hole held in position by electrostatic forces*   

       This has the advantage of automatically removing the swarf at the actual cutting point, giving a lovely smooth finish.   

       *Black holes can have an electrostatic charge. Strange, but true. <link>
8th of 7, Feb 21 2014

       whatever the method, we'll have to say goodbye to Bolivia, and Denver.
bs0u0155, Feb 21 2014

       and quite a few bits of France, so it's a win-win.
not_morrison_rm, Feb 21 2014

       has anyone decided what the cut-off will be? I suggest exactly 978 metres.
bs0u0155, Feb 21 2014

       Well, the obvious thing would be some kind of blade suspended from the moon, as it has some useful velocity.   

       Would need a bit of jiggering as the orbit isn't entirely circular.   

       I suggest alternate Thursdays 12-2pm it comes down to 3 metres, and then by standing on a convenient object you can get a free haircut...
not_morrison_rm, Feb 21 2014

       Hmmm. Mountain ranges...juxtaposition of formerly distinct land masses with widely differing dominant species...   

       I'm looking closely at Wales. If it had drifted in from somewhere like South America, we might be able to sue it for environmental impact.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 21 2014

       //I'm looking closely at Wales//   

       nothing good ever came of that
bs0u0155, Feb 22 2014

       I had a very close look at a whale once, and the only lasting harm it did was to leave me with a good story to tell at family gatherings.
Alterother, Feb 22 2014

       Actually, thinking about, which way is England moving at the moment? If we're heading towards the USA, perhaps Wales is meant to be a crumple zone?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 22 2014

       I've heard that supposition somewhere before...
Alterother, Feb 22 2014

       "So I see these two women walking towards me and I say, "Are you two lovely ladies from Ireland?" and they said, "No, Wales", so I said "Fine, are you two whales from Ireland?...
and that's the last thing I remember Doc.

       // So what I'm saying is, take Wales and put it on top of the Himalayas //   

       Wasteful … what with the Marianas trench just crying out for a few billion tons of backfill …
8th of 7, Feb 22 2014

       //which way is England moving at the moment//   

       I think the Atlantic is expanding, US and UK are getting further apart. Eventually, the US may become completely cut off from civilization.
bs0u0155, Feb 22 2014

       Well, if it carries on it'll come round the other side and hit Norfolk. Not that that'll change things.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 22 2014

       As a half American, I've half a mind to reply. Which is all it would take.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 22 2014

       Yes and yes.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 22 2014

       //As a half American //   

       Which half ? Have you let Sturton play with the lightning rod and the We-Belong-Dead switch again ?   

       As if last time wasn't bad enough - reanimated undead vampire scotchmen roaming around, causing havoc. Took thirteen years to root the buggers out of Downing Street ...
8th of 7, Feb 22 2014

       The half that has the American passport. The half with the English passport doesn't talk to it much. Neither of them are speaking to the half with the Iraqi passport.   

       As for Sturton, haven't seen him for weeks. Last I heard he was somewhere in a eastern African river. Something to do with trained caddis fly larvae and gold placer deposits.   

       Incidentally, the intercalary has been asking after his nose-hair trimmer and I promised I'd mention it if I saw you.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 22 2014

       Due to too much faffing around on youtube on a boring Sunday, found Bjork's song about tectonics, as you do. Linky.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 21 2014


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