Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Conveniently Call Up Heavenly Retribution
  (+25, -4)(+25, -4)(+25, -4)
(+25, -4)
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Often you need the kind of serious firepower that small arms just can't provide and all you have is your mobile phone.

This idea allows someone to dial for someone or some place to be smited using a commerical implementation of the Missile Defense Shield. You dial in someone else's phone number, registration plates or a GPS location and death and distruction is brought to bear by killer satellites with the charges for this services being applied to your phone bill. You would need insurance in case you wipe yourself out in the blast by accident or intentionally use the system to smite yourself.

Aristotle, Jul 24 2001


       Pro-Life groups would abuse this.
lewisgirl, Jul 24 2001

       I suppose that I ought to point out that this idea is a weapon and therefore automatically prone to all kinds of misuse. However the people running the Dial-a-Smite system could have a 2nd revenue stream from a pay for protection system so specific mobile phone users, vehicles and places can't be smited.   

       This would allow pro-choice people to defend against pro-life people, for example.
Aristotle, Jul 24 2001

       "And available at reasonable rates too."
Aristotle, Jul 24 2001

       Croissant just for the title! My favorite post from the Ask the Mighty Thor website (now apparently in suspended animation):   

       Dear Thor,   

       You are the best God of Thunder! I really need your help. All the people I work with are idiots. Please smite them with your hammer! Please come to Florida and smite the idiots!   

       Adoring Fan-chick   

       Maybe, in this Twilight of the Gods, Dial-a-Smite technology could help this poor woman.
Dog Ed, Jul 24 2001

       I was thinking about this last night and came up the following extension:   

       Smite-Back - This provides you with a Smite button on your phone so you can wipe out the last person you were talking to. Could be good for the transient anger market ...
Aristotle, Jul 25 2001

       What would happen if you left the phone unlocked and you accidently hit the smite button and dialled your friends number :( ? wouldn't you feel bad. Sounds pretty dangerous and cost alot for the service. Think it is far to silly!!!
Monkeyboy2, Jul 25 2001

       I'd appreciate the pre-emptive cached smiteback option - the ability to set up a reduced rate smite against someone which is only executed if they attempt to smite me. They would be billed in the normal way for the smite they attempted to execute. I would be safe and those who attemted to harm me would be a pile of ashes. Hee hee hee. Croissant.
st3f, Jul 25 2001

       I think the idea can work. There should also be included different types of smititng and then possibly different companys:   

       BT Smite-Net One 2 Smite Just Smite Voda-Smite   

       This idea cud save the world.
Lord_Genki, Sep 05 2001

       The beauty of such a system, especially if you had shares in it, would be to sit on a roof top and watch the satellites smite their targets on cool, clear nights. You could discuss who might have been smiting whom and listen to the radio if an otherwise unexplained wave of tit-for-tat smitings broke out.
Aristotle, Sep 06 2001, last modified Sep 11 2001

       You could set it up to be more like godly smiting type thing. Here's what you'd be greeted with at the end of the fone line: (Loud echoey voice) "HELLO YOU'VE REAHED DIAL-A-SMITE, TO ISSUE A SMITE ON THE BASIS OF TELEPHONE NUMBER PRESS 1 NOW, TO ISSUE A SMITE ON THE BASIS OF ADDRESS PRESS 2 NOW....." and so on. It could make it a slightly more revered form of mass destruction.   

       P.S how big would this smiting be? I'm envisioning a rather large blue ray of doom that is capable of smiting a couple of houses
kaz, Sep 10 2001

       I imagined it initially to be powerful enough to blow up a car and be generally dangerous to everything in the proximity. However if you are going to get people in building it would have to punch through at least a couple of floors to get to the victim.   

       My favourite killer satellite appears in the comic "Give Me Liberty" but that is obviously too powerfull to provide an economic service because each smite would wipe out too many potential clients and targets.
Aristotle, Sep 10 2001

       UnaBubba: If it was a foot it would have to be big enough to stomp the biggested SUV, of course.   

       Note that this is meant to be an economic sideline for the Missile Defense Shield so it will use whatever technology has been proposed for that. If the final plan is to use large cartoon feet then [UnaBubba] will get his wish ...
Aristotle, Sep 11 2001

       sp: "to be smitten" <g/>
jabbers, Sep 11 2001

       jabber: It also appears that past tense is of smite is "smote" and a user of Dial-a-Smite would be a "smiter" for what it is worth.
Aristotle, Sep 11 2001

       "Smote" is correct; jolly good form, Aristotle. But I would have thought the very purpose of Dial-A-Smite would be to remove a would-B-smiter from that title, which would go rather to employees.
jabbers, Sep 17 2001

       Dial-A-Smite would be best marketed as a luxury as killer satellite time could be expensive and they could be needed for missile defence at any moment. People would have to feel the quality in the workmanship and have the desire to access to such a quality means of death and destruction. Ideal endorsements would be "it cost me my lifesavings but it was worth" it.   

       Prehaps people so smote could quality for free obituary services, burials and tombstones to help advertise Dial-A-Smite services.
Aristotle, Sep 17 2001

       I think this could be a little more economically viable if there were different levels of smiting, the more powerful/destructive, the more it would cost. the levels could go like this:   

       1 - annoy 2 - hurt 3 - pain 4 - very bad pain 5 - torture 6 - maim 7 - kill 8 - discombopulate 9 - nuke   

       and the last and most popular:   

       10 - KA-FREAKING-BOOOOM!!!!!!!!   

       Time to put 1-800-4A-SMITE on my one touch speed dial, so i can order level 10 smites faster:)
dr_photon, Mar 20 2002

       discombopulate - never could get the hang of this dance. needed 3 feet and a double-jointed partner.
po, Mar 20 2002

       What if you're already smitten?
waugsqueke, Mar 20 2002

       dr_photon: I see. So you are suggesting a Smite Moderated Service for mobile phone users?
Aristotle, Mar 20 2002

       waugs, you can only be smit once at a time I am told ;)
po, Mar 20 2002

       perhaps, perhaps not. You could think you were double smitten, but in fact only have true smittee status with one of the objects of you affection/smitage. For the other, you would only need the anti-unrequited lust drug. (Am I annotating the wrong idea or have they converged?)
sappho, Mar 20 2002

       po knows.
waugsqueke, Mar 20 2002

       does po? possibly po knows. who knows?
po, Mar 20 2002

       Oh no! I had only just managed to get combobulated.
beauxeault, Mar 20 2002

       I was thinking about [st3f]'s anno for this earlier. If some sort of Evil genius or other person with more weapons of mass destruction than morals should come along, he could make some serious money off an idea like that. Everyone would want to have a cached smite against each of their enemies. Everyone would be paying and nobody would be getting smitten.
hidden truths, Jun 19 2005


       When they absotively must be killed by 10 am tomorrow.
ato_de, Jun 19 2005

       Top quote from a Ken Macleod novel: "All I ever wanted from God was unconditional love and Close Air Support."
moomintroll, Jun 19 2005

       he he funny, dial-a-smite
JesusHChrist, Sep 14 2005

       Dark...but +
shinobi, Sep 15 2005

       Perhaps the supply/demand problem could be alleviated by introducing a graded cooling off period, working like this: 1) I am really hacked off or in imminent danger and need someone smote NOW - this will cost me an arm and a leg. 2) I am moderately peeved and have the patience to get a comfy chair from which to observe the smiting of my adversay - this will cost me the usual rate. 3) I am slightly miffed and consider the service to be little more than facilitation of karma - I know how to wait and the cost saving is considerable.   

       Combined with a multi level (1 to 11 on the smiteometer - these things should go up to 11) the potential load of on demand full power smites can be reduced to a much more practical level. +
Twizz, Apr 17 2009

       I am thinking about smite, smote and smitten. Smitten refers only to the thing it happens to, smite and smote the present and past tense of the smiter. Bite, bit and bitten are similar. I wonder if there are other verbs with a special form referring to the object?
bungston, Apr 17 2009

       Most irregular verbs will behave that way. The verb form "smitten" is called the past participle, sometimes also called the passive participle; used like you did, it refers to the object being acted on (hence "passive"). It's the same as the past tense in regular verbs, but often different in irregular verbs.
jutta, Apr 17 2009

       //I wonder if there are other verbs with a special form referring to the object?//   

       I was going to write a response to this, but after I wrote it, I realized that what I'd written was redundant.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 17 2009


       Hey Google, play soothing music and smite Igor wouldja please?   

whatrock, Nov 22 2018


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