Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Dog Parade For Pooch That Chased Al Baghdadi

Right through Manhattan with everybody lining the streets and chanting praise for our furry hero by name.
  (+4, -1)
(+4, -1)
  [vote for,

We just killed the modern Hitler. Real modern Hitler not some argument-hyperbole-Hitler, Al Baghdadi, the leader of ISIS. One of the team members of this amazingly dangerous operation was a dog that lost a leg in the course of his duty. He'll be OK, but his combat days are over.

So let's give this pooch a parade where we all call out his name saying "GOOD BOY REX! GOOD BOY REX!" (or whatever his name is) The dog would hear his name being chanted by everybody and know they were praising him. He might be a bit overwhelmed, but he'd get it, we woudn't just be making noise. I believe the pooch would really enjoy it and he or she absolutely deserves it.

Obviously if it's a girl, change the chant as necessary.

I would absolutely show for such an event.

doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

Here's our hero. https://www.militar...urned-to-full-duty/
[doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019]

Lock Him Up! https://www.theguar...-world-series-video
.... Throw away the key..... [xenzag, Oct 29 2019]

Airplane travel. Only a fool would get on an airplane. https://www.thought...plane-crash-1779178
Unsafe yet people still get on airplanes to this day. [doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019]

Not so fast! https://babylonbee....o-dog-sniffed-butts
CNN Uncovers Evidence Hero Dog Sniffed Dozens Of Butts Back In College [Voice, Oct 29 2019]

US army dogs, para 21 https://www.army.mi...rdians_of_the_night
[bs0u0155, Oct 29 2019]

Can a computer do this? https://twitter.com...nois-for-the-win%2F
Yea, someday, but right now they're pretty stupid and awkward. [doctorremulac3, Oct 30 2019]


       We can all look forward to a rodent parade for the tiny mouse that chases The Great Dictator Trump into a prison cell.
xenzag, Oct 29 2019

       Perhaps Rex is just preternaturally gifted at recognizing the worst people, no mouse required. However, you did go some way to redefining a pride parade. Maybe if Rex could be renamed Rainbow.
4and20, Oct 29 2019

       So a man who kidnapped women and kept them as rape slaves for his followers, cut people's heads off on camera and filmed people being burned alive is killed by Trump and you're angry at Trump? Please explain.
doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

       Squeak, squeak...... imagines blind panic in the Whitehouse.
xenzag, Oct 29 2019

       Me personally? I've never been angry at Trump. He's just a symptom of how badly the U.S. degenerated. He's a comic idiot for the money-loving idiots in America who produce him. If Trump gets impeached, it's only going to address the problems Trump himself created.
4and20, Oct 29 2019

       So are you sad this monster was killed? Don't seem to be celebrating it much. You both actually seem kind of angry that it happened because it could be taken as a win for Trump.
doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

       You are mistaking Trump for the U.S. military. Easy to conflate presidents and military decisions in the U.S.
4and20, Oct 29 2019

       In sheer scale, Trump is responsible for a million times those crimes by refusing to curb America's massive contribution to global warming. Entire species are being wiped out; island communities are disappearing under rising sea levels. It depends on how big a crime you think species extinction is. Meanwhile, psychos just as bad as Baghdadi have been entertained in the Whitehouse, so keep a perspective. It wasn't that long ago that the Saudis had a journalist cut up and disappeared, and their human rights record is no better than that of ISIS re abuse of women, gay men, etc, but no one's chasing their leaders down any tunnels. Why is that?
xenzag, Oct 29 2019

       //Easy to conflate presidents and military decisions in the U.S.//   

       Might be because the President is the commander-in- chief of the armed forces. In this case, as with other important military decisions, the President is appraised of the situation so he can give it a green light or tell them not to go in.   

       //Trump is responsible for a million times those crimes by refusing to curb America's massive contribution to global warming.//   

       As far as Trump causing global warming, your side is the one stopping nuclear power because it doesn't generate carbon credits thus making money for the one world government fascist elite whose sole purpose is creating a slave class of mindless drones who are permanently put into debt slave status and thrown quasi religious dogma like "ORANGE MAN BAD!" so their can fulfill their role as easily manipulated, foaming at the mouth sycophants while propping up the military industrial complex, never ending wars, supporting the Chinese poisoning of the atmosphere, demographic changes that insure one party political control and driving down wages just so they can fill their never ending hunger for power.   

       But I don't really have an opinion on the subject, I just thought it would be nice to make the doggie feel good.
doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

       As a reward, allow 'the doggie hero' to chew off the bone spur that prevented the Stable Genius from military service, then everyone's happy.
xenzag, Oct 29 2019

       So you lose your hero Al Baghdadi and turn to fantasies of torture?   

       I see a lot of murder and torture fantasies from your side. Creepy.
doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

       I think you'll find that it was America who specialises in the torture of waterboarding. You can't assume any high moral ground when you also come from a country that locks up migrant babies in filthy camps either, or poisons an entire community with lead. (Flint Michigan)
xenzag, Oct 29 2019

       See, even the worst noises from politicians begin to have a rhythm. I didn't take to mind the locking up of children or Trump's gleeful descriptions of torture in my emotional reaction. It's never been anger at him, just disgust, which doesn't take him seriously enough.
4and20, Oct 29 2019

       //You can't assume any high moral ground when you also come from a country that locks up migrant babies in filthy camps either,//   

       You're referring to the camps Obama opened I assume. I also assume you'd be nice to terrorists who blow up buildings and open rape camps. I'm sure that if you were in charge we'd all be bowing to Global Emperor Bin Laden by now.   

       So what about the the child trade where children are bought and sold to be used to get people across the border? "ORANGE MAN BAD!"   

       OK, how about the tens of thousands of deaths a year from drugs smuggled across an open border? "ORANGE MAN BAD!"   

       What about the driving down of wages by the importing of cheap labor to make the rich even richer and destroy the middle class while establishing a one party political system? "ORANGE MAN BAD!"   

       Speaking of a poisoned environment, what do you say to globalist fascists shutting down clean, safe nuclear and hydro power so they can replace it with carbon tax generating fossil fuels to line the pockets of the already ridiculously wealthy global elites? "ORANGE MAN BAD!"   

       Honestly, with all these torture fantasies of yours, would you take Hitler's script for genocide, cross out "Jews" and replace it with "Trump supporters"?   

       Be honest. Look deep into your psyche and ask yourself that. If the answer is something you wouldn't admit to, might want to do some critical soul searching.
doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

       It was America that created Bin Laden in the first place. They brought him there in person; entertained him; put money in his pockets and guns in his hands. When you create a monster, better be sure that you can control him. As regards "clean, safe nuclear power" - have you heard of Chernobyl? The nuclear power industry is unsafe, inefficient and totally destructive. Uranium mines are particularly damaging to the environment. America can lecture no other country when it comes to protection of the environment. Trump has repealed law after law to allow the polluters free reign. I know you agree with him thinking he's a "stable genius", but for the rest of the entire world, he's at best a joke, who makes America into a total laughing stock, and at worst a modern day criminal dictator - the 21st century's new age Adolf Hitler, who was recently booed out of one of Washington's sports stadium.
xenzag, Oct 29 2019

       We supported Stalin against Hitler too, sometimes you play the hand you were dealt. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. That's why I'm an isolationist, I don't think it's a good idea to try to civilize the world. We tried it with Europe twice and what did we get for it?   

       //As regards "clean, safe nuclear power" - have you heard of Chernobyl?//   

       In regards to safe air travel have you heard of the Wright Flyer? See link. Why would anybody in their right mind get on one of these dangerous airplanes? They should be outlawed.   

       So what about it Xenophobexag? Death camps for Trump supporters, yes or no? Why won't you answer? If the answer is no, just say no, it would be so easy.   

       But you can't. I think that says it all.
doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

       <Rummages in "Wind up [xenzag]" toolbox/>   

       Ah, excellent, found it ...   

       <Raises illuminated "Genetic Modification is good ! Go, Monsanto, Go !" sign />   

       <Starts to put "Seal cull", "Badger cull", "Whale research by Japanese" and "Roundup Ready" signs in order ready for further provocation/>   

       <Finds "Guantanamo Bay" sign, gloats/>   

       <Wonders if [xen] can be tricked into accepting a free holiday in Kim Ping-Pong's ("A smile, a song, and a faceful of fast-acting neurotoxin") People's Free Democratic Republic of North Korbyn/>
8th of 7, Oct 29 2019

       I think primary school for Trump supporters would be a better idea. Lessons in humanity would supplement reading, writing and simple numeracy.
xenzag, Oct 29 2019

       Maybe the first lesson would be learning the difference between a man you disagree with and a homocidal maniac so you don't put them in the same category just because it gives you a dopamine rush.
doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

       // humanity //   

       Sp. "Target recognition training".   

       // learning the difference between a man you disagree with and a homocidal maniac //   

       That sounds like a lot of unnecessary effort. Kill them both, then you can work out the details later, at your leisure.
8th of 7, Oct 29 2019

       // In sheer scale, Trump is responsible for a million times those crimes by refusing to curb America's massive contribution to global warming//   

       Trump is no Dalai Lama, but Jesus that is one dumb and embarrassing statement.
theircompetitor, Oct 29 2019

       <Experiments with photoshopping a bouffant hairstyle on a picture of the Dalai Lama/>
8th of 7, Oct 29 2019

       I wanted to post this link when I first saw the idea, but I didn't want to be the twat that brings up his politics in an unrelated idea. Fortunately [xenzag] already fractured that ice into individual molecules.
Voice, Oct 29 2019

       LOL! Well, if we were staging a contest for the funniest link in Halfbakery history, I think the competition is over, Voice has taken home the trophy.   

       I'm still laughing.   

       By the way, the thing I read that said the pooch lost a leg was incorrect. He's fine and back in action last I heard.   

       Good boy!
doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

       <Experiments with photoshopping a shaved head on a picture of Joe Biden/>   

       <Collective gasp/>   

       <Wonders if anyone should be told/>
8th of 7, Oct 29 2019

       “I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality.”   

       “But lest some unlucky event should happen unfavorable to my reputation, I beg it may be remembered by every gentleman in the room that I this day declare with the utmost sincerity, I do not think myself equal to the command I am honored with.”
Frankx, Oct 29 2019

       “We don't want to keep soldiers between Syria and Turkey for the next 200 years. We're out, but we are leaving soldiers to secure the oil.”   

       Compare and contrast
Frankx, Oct 29 2019

       //We're out// As per Putin’s orders, and having shit all over the Kurds who were instrumental in the operation of targeting Baghdadi, and instrumental in the defeat of ISIS. This is probably why the departing American forces were pelted with potatoes and called lying cowards by the Kurds whom they abandoned. The Stable Genius strikes again.
xenzag, Oct 29 2019

       do try to have less spittle around your mouth when you talk when you talk about Trump or America in general. It's unattractive.
theircompetitor, Oct 29 2019

       One of my favorite recent discoveries is that military dogs always outrank their handlers <link>. It's essentially a mechanism to ensure proper handling and that any warnings/tells are followed up on, but it's endlessly fun to think about.   

       Its also endlessly satisfying to see the difference in speed & agility between a motivated dog and even more motivated ne'er-do-well. I'm amazed the USAF hasn't found a way of deploying Belgian malinois from A10 hardpoints.
bs0u0155, Oct 29 2019

       One of my not very recent discoveries is that idea annotations tend to have a Pavlovian character :)
theircompetitor, Oct 29 2019

       "teaches the dogs off-leash capabilities to search for and detect explosives. This capability gives the handler increased standoff distance..."   

       The language of the millitary industrial marrowbone jelly complex never changes...   

       (somewhere in the Soviet Union c1983: "Borris, what is this new weapons system?? "standoff semi-autonomous all-terrain, amphibious, anti-personell & mine clearance unit?" how does this weigh less than 60 kg? and why does it require tennis balls?"
bs0u0155, Oct 29 2019

       // Belgian malinois //   

       It might be possible to deploy Yorkshire Terriers from a cluster munition. That would be a whole new form of terror weapon.   

       The Russians don't exactly have an unbesmirched reputation for caring for dogs, what with their Dog Mine idea and all ...
8th of 7, Oct 29 2019

       Terrier weapon, shirley?   

       On a similar note, it has been discovered that a ShitZu loaded directly in front of a 150mm artillery shell can increase its muzzle velocity by up to 7%, by removing powder residues from the barrel ahead of the projectile.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 29 2019

       //As per Putin’s orders//   

       Notice how your programming directs you to obsess about Putin and Russia while ignoring China? China has death camps, but you don't care, because you haven't been programmed to care. China has thought police but you don't care, because you haven't been programmed to care. Do you ever wonder why? Your "views" have been bought and paid for.   

       The Ukrain has a legitimate problem with Russian domination going back quite a while. Millions murdered by Stalin for starters, control by the Tzars before that. So they've been smart and purchased American politicians to support them in fighting back the Russian threat. I support the Ukrain and would probably do the same thing if I were them, but that's why you've been programmed to hate Russia, which is a backward country run by a bunch of drunks, and as one brilliant expert on hight tech espionage put it, "They've basically Mexico with nukes." At the same time, you've been told to ignore China which is an actual expansionist fascist evil empire that really does pose a threat to us. They buy American politicians and have actually impacted freedom of speech around the world. This is real, this is not a fantasy. Do you know your movies are edited by Hollywood so as to please their Chinese thought master overlords? No, you don't, but then again, you don't care because you haven't been told to care.   

       You do as your told, hate who you're told to hate and chant the prescribed mantras to fend off the evil of those who don't buy into the glorious global elitist plan for world domination. You're told to hate Russia, you hate Russia. You're told to ingore China's being the greatest polluter in the world while decrying the use of plastic straws in America, you do as your told. If the military industrial complex tells you that by adjusting some troops in Syria, Russia now owns the middle east, you believe it, despite the fact that Russia has a presence in Syria while we have bases in Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Yemin, Turkey, Jordan, Kuwait, Bahrain, Qatar, Oman, Afghanistan, Pakistan and yes, even Syria. (still) But Putin now runs the place. Riiiight.   

       You either have the ability to think for yourself or you don't. I feel sorry for people that need to be led around that can't evaluate this complicated world on their own, weigh the best approach and work towards the best path to managing this complicated civilization we share. I may not be right on everthing, but my views were created by one person. Me.
doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

       That's quite rant! Meanwhile, Trump still buys all his steel from China and the American flags you probably wave around are all printed in China. I bet there's nothing you currently use that wasn't made in China. Throw it all away live the American dream in total purity.
xenzag, Oct 29 2019

       I have the utmost respect and love for the USA as a nation. It has always been the he place of dreams and aspirations for us Brits. Please don’t misunderstand the hostility for your current leader for hatred of you as a nation and as people in your own right. We also have a leader who is ridiculous, and has his own personal gain as his key motivation.   

       If you want to Make America Great Again, and if we want to Make Britain Great Again, that requires some grown-up, intelligent, careful and humble decisions about what is good and right for humans and the planet now and going forward.
Frankx, Oct 29 2019

       I've been known to check 6 news sources a day, few of which are believable in any meaningful way, but there is no doubt that your beliefs only come from you. Even the "mainstream" beliefs you're setting up as strawmen aren't showing up in mainstream media I've seen (or even Russia TV). It's more like you're sticking your head in your toilet bowl and shouting why won't it answer you.
4and20, Oct 29 2019

       Meanwhile, everybody seems to have overlooked the fact that "Al Baghdadi" is an hilarious name.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 29 2019

       [DrR3] I’ve lived and worked in China, Russia, Spain, Germany, Australia, Singapore, Saudi Arabia and the UK. I have friends who have grown up under every kind of political regime from Facism to Communism to Islamism, and seen those regimes fall and be replaced over and over.   

       I have loved my time in every one of those nations, and discovered whole new cultures and world views. I’ve had great conversations with extremists of every colour. They’re all lovely people.   

       None of these national ideologies make their citizens bad people. Someone has to step above the bickering over political colour, and think about mankind as a whole. The USA once-upon-a-time showed a potential to do that.
Frankx, Oct 29 2019

       (Xen) And when Trump tries do something about the trade inequity between China and the US you support him... how?   

       And Frankx, while I’ve seen a bit of the world, nothing close to your experience, but we’re in total agreement. America has been a beacon of hope for millions of people, my ancestors included, but I fear that we’re susceptible to the same pitfalls that have beset other countries. I saw a picture of a street Germany in 1936 and was haunted by the question: “Are they just evil and we’re good? They sure looked like us. Cars, telephones, radio shows. Might the disease of fascism hit us too?”.   

       It’s why I get a bit animated when people suggest overturning a democratic election, are engaging in never ending wars or turning us against each other in order to control us. Gives you pause for concern.
doctorremulac3, Oct 29 2019

       Thanks [DrR3]. I’m glad we agree. That’s why I would suggest an intelligent foreign policy would be to fund and build infrastructure, schools, hospitals and universities in impoverished and disrupted nations/regions (Syria, Iraq, west Africa...) that might be breeding grounds for hostility. It would be much harder to recruit extremists and suicide bombers from a community for whom a family member has been treated/educated in a facility that was provided by the USA for instance.   

       I suspect such an approach would be economically beneficial (compared to military spending). And I suspect China is already very actively doing this, without anyone noticing.
Frankx, Oct 29 2019

       Well I certainly like the idea of helping people rise up from their plight. Currently I'm rooting for Hong Kong and its brave people struggling for freedom from tyranny, but there are good people all over the world who are dealing with the ravages of various civilization challenges, be it totalitarianism, narco state violence or just rampant poverty.   

       I saw a thought provoking show that suggested that the cure for war and poverty is commerce and I agree with that to a large extent. Un-regulated commerce can be destructive too but a free market and trade between countries can be a good place to start.   

       By the way, due notice, I myself have had products that I've invented and brought to market manufactured in China. In my defense, I reviewed the documentation created by a much larger company than mine where they evaluated the human rights and treatment of the factory workers, their safety, environmental impact etc. It was also the American factories that told me I had to go overseas to have a viable business model.   

       So I can boycott doing business with China, but that's not helping the working class people making a living in the factories. It's their government I don't like, not them. Am I being hypocritical? Gotta be honest, I've asked myself that from time to time. It also must be said, my purchases probably represent one half of a trillionth of their economy. Maybe a hundredth of that. Don't make me do math.   

       Anyway, I'm looking into bringing production home, at least for one part. There's a factory in San Diego that looks promising.
doctorremulac3, Oct 30 2019

       Did the dog chase the man because it was in his nature to do so, or did the dog chase the man because it had been trained and told to do so? If the former, why are we praising a dog for doing what dogs do? If the latter, the inevitable consequence is that we have parades for missile guidance computers.
calum, Oct 30 2019

       And rightly so, we say - although they would probably prefer to have their dust filters cleaned, and a disk upgrade. They're not bothered about mere public adulation.   

       // Did the dog chase the man because it was in his nature to do so //   

       For future operations the best thing is obviously to trick your opponents into disguising themselves as postmen ...
8th of 7, Oct 30 2019

       What's clearly needed for situations like this is a rocket- propelled self-adhesive Chocolate Digestive. If you can get one onto the back of your target, problem solved.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 30 2019

       this whole thing somehow reminds me of the way we were celebrating Laika when I was growing up.   

       the dog can't give a shit, to be sure, beyond appreciating its handler's approval.
theircompetitor, Oct 30 2019

       // In regards to safe air travel have you heard of the Wright Flier? //   

       "Always handle a flight safety manual with utmost respect - it's written with the blood of the pilots who died so it could be written".
8th of 7, Oct 30 2019

       //why are we praising a dog for doing what dogs do? If the latter, the inevitable consequence is that we have parades for missile guidance computers.//   

       Well, because he did the job he was trained to do, he helped kill a genocidal rape slavery obsessed maniac, there's that. I guess you could say the soldiers were just doing what they were trained to do as well. Einstein just came up with the theory of relativity because that's the kind of thing scientists are trained to do.   

       Also, we love dogs, we don't love missile guidance computers. Throw a parade for the guidance computer and see how many people show up.   

       Also also, it's a way for us to celebrate the death of this monster and you could say, the symbiotic relationship between man and dog since we both figured out that we make good hunter gatherer partners, each filling in where the other is weak in a way that's beneficial to both.   

       The flier / flyer fuckup. I actually wrote flyer and changed it because it looked wrong. I'll take the shame lap on that one. First rule of Halfbakery: don't misspell shit. Second rule of Halfbakery: don't misspell shit.
doctorremulac3, Oct 30 2019

       // we don't love missile guidance computers. //   

       Shame on you .. we hope you get sent in a mission to Jupiter and your sentient computer turns on you.
8th of 7, Oct 30 2019

       I'm all for celebrating the dog (though he/she would probably just wonder who the parade was for). Celebrating the killing of Al Baghdadi (still a funny name, btw), not so much. Sure, I think it's a good thing that he's dead, but in general I think celebrating the killing of a particular person is not the way a state should behave. Let the relevant people whoop it up in private.   

       "I'll call you Baghdadi, Baghdadi when you call me you can caaall meeee Al, call me Al."
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 30 2019

       You make a good point about not being celebratory about death and I agree, but there would be no mention of it in the parade. There's a video of Hillary Clinton laughing after making the joke about killing Momar Khadaffi, "We came, we saw, he died. HAHAHAHAH!" and it's disgusting.   

       So I would argue it's a celebration of life. The lives of people this brave dog saved. Kind of like parades after the end of WW2, the horror has ended.   

       As far as the computers, they're a comparatively simple handful of on off switches. The dog is a complex bio electrical chemical mechanical masterpiece of incredible engineering that compares to the computer like a Escher print compares to a monkey's crayon drawing.   

       Plus the dog can do this: (link)
doctorremulac3, Oct 30 2019

       Trump just accused someone of quitting "like a dog." Combine that with his claim that someone "died like a dog" and I'm inclined to think that Trump isn't a dog person.   

       I have serious doubts "quit like a dog" is anything like a real expression. What's next, "impeached like a dog"?
4and20, Nov 02 2019

       I would imagine he's terrified of dogs, as he is of most animals. His trophy hunting psycho sons (aka Beavis and Butthead) certainly enjoy exterminating endangered animals, so a hatred of living beings extends in his family from poor migrant people, whom he wants border guards to shoot, into all animal species. I'm sure that includes dogs, however, every dog has its day, and there must be one called 'Impeachment' that's getting ready to lift its leg on his.
xenzag, Nov 02 2019

       Do you guys (xen and 4&20) ever think about anything other than Donald Trump? Will he still be the center of your existence when he's out of office, be it tomorrow or in 5 years?   

       Or is this just wanting to interact with me? Maybe I should be flattered.
doctorremulac3, Nov 02 2019

       FTR, I often think about non-Trump things. I have plenty of Trump opinions, but I'm happy to sit on them until a Trump- related discussion gets underway. Likewise Brexit.   

       And no, [doc], I don't want to see you flattened.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 02 2019

       Thank you Max, not wanting to flatten somebody is the highest compliment in my culture.
doctorremulac3, Nov 02 2019

       If you were flattened, with whom could I have unreasonable arguments? Oh wait; there's [xen] and [2fries] and [Voice] and [Beany] and [JesusHChrist].   

       What ever happened to [JHC] anyway? Maybe we should have an MIA page where these unauthorised absences can be investigated.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 02 2019


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