Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Dreaded Wheat

Scary cereal marketed to jumpy people who need to lose weight.
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Nowadays people are getting fatter and fatter, and there seems to be no viable solution. NO MORE! Dreaded wheat is a scary cereal marketed for anxious, tubby people. It works on two levels;

1) Whilst eating a bowl of dreaded wheat, people will shake/jump out of their seats with fear - burning those all important fat globules.

2) Eventually, they will be conditioned to avoid eating 'the most important meal of the day', thus losing weight.

It's a win-win situation!

FAQ's

Q) How will wheat scare someone?

A) Carefully mixing scary shapes, with movement from beneath the milk, and 'psycho' sound effects from the box, wheat has never been more terrifying!

Q) Why would anyone in their right mind buy this?

A) Peer pressure.

Q) When I'm anxious, I eat chocolate to calm me.

A) You're a lost cause.

GranaryOaf, Apr 16 2014

Dread locks http://api.ning.com...HnfIOi/dewaxed3.JPG
[JesusHChrist, Apr 16 2014]

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       I was thinking make the individual shredded wheat strands really long and let them dread together like dread locks. You could add honey and bees wax. When I was a teenager I let my hair dread up by just not combing it for a year. It grew in some pretty scary shapes.
JesusHChrist, Apr 16 2014
  

       Given the relationship between wheat and gluten, I might be tempted to call this WKTE. Stir in the associated health issues cause by gluten in one's diet and it might even justify a "Baked!" status!
Canuck, Apr 17 2014
  

       This seems to be somewhat like *magic*. How is there movement beneath the milk? Needs explanation please. The GMO wheat is scary all its own.
xandram, Apr 17 2014
  

       //How is there movement beneath the milk?//   

       Mealworms.
Spacecoyote, Apr 17 2014
  

       What a grain in the butt that would be. I think I'd sheaf it alone.
normzone, Apr 17 2014
  
      
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