Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Expensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.

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Dynamite Battery

Paper and sawdust
  [vote for,

Lithium batteries have such a high energy density that if mistreated, they tend to explode.

There's a type of lithium-ion battery called the 18650 which is as ubiquitous as the AA is in the alkaline world. The reason most people have never heard of it is that we never get to see it. Manufacturers know that You, the Customer will ignore any warnings like "Do not mix old and new batteries" and soon there will be a lawsuit on their hands. So, their solution is to package a bunch of lithium batteries inside a plastic box along with a protection circuit, and fit a proprietary connector so it can only be used with one device. Chances are, if you open up a laptop battery, it'll be filled with standard 18650 cells.

The situation is horrifically inconvenient. We should be allowed to use lithium batteries in whatever devices we want, mix and match them, and use standardized, cheap replacements when they wear out. But every time there's an explosion (even if it's a different battery chemistry, all "lithiums" are the same according to the media) we lose even more of our battery freedom. But I have a solution.

Instead of looking like a slightly bigger AA, lithium-ion batteries should look like a stick of dynamite. The heatshrink plastic should be brown paper, with the information on it in a faded, all-caps stencil font. A small amount of sawdust would escape when closely examined. Instead of bubblewrap, foam, cardboard boxes etc. the batteries would be shipped in a wooden crate, filled with hay, and the large text EXPLOSIVE written on the side. A user manual in yellowed paper would explain that if, perchance, you don't want the batteries to explode, then please treat them in the following way.

This Hollywood presentation should instil some amount of respect for the batteries into even the most rebellious of consumers. And if they explode, well, you were most definitely warned.

Obviously, lithium-polymer batteries should be packaged as plastic explosive, and so on.

mitxela, Nov 03 2016



       // the media //   

       The answer is obvious, shirley ? All that is necessary is to hunt down all the journos who lack scientific or technical education, and cull them (preferably, with Fire and the Sword).   

       Admittedly, that will only leave at most half a dozen of them to cover all the news on your planet, but that will hardly be much of a probem.   

       // sawdust would escape //   

       It needs to be sawdust mixed with a few drops of heavyweight gearbox oil and a bit of kaolin.   

       // wooden crate, filled with hay, //   

       Wooden box with rope handles, yes - but for authenticity, use wood wool, not hay. Hay is dusty, and can attract rodents.
8th of 7, Nov 03 2016

       I momentarily thought this would be piezoelectricity and springs...
beanangel, Nov 03 2016


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