Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Avoid seasoning with Anthrax
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Not so long ago, the local library was shut down when an astute librarian noticed suspicious powder on a returned tape. In their ever-present paranoia, local officials wouldn't let anyone leave, and only by some oversight did they fail to have the unfortunate library patrons within strip down for decontamination. Later, a part time radio personality admitted that he had accidentally spilled ant poison powder on one or more tapes that he had returned. That seemed reasonable enough to the local officials, so they let him go with a warning.

Now, I'm not going to let terrorist threats change the way I live, and I think most Americans feel the same way. But some small steps have to be taken against the real danger of powdered pathogens. Thus, my new product – E-Pellet. Everything in pellet form. Ant poison shouldn’t be in powder form to begin with. E-Pellets – about the size of marbles, preferably. (Might be a little hard to swallow for an ant, but they are nibblers, I think.) Talcum powder -- that can be in E-Pellets that you rub under your arm – or on the baby’s bottom. Sugar already comes in cubes, but salt! I may have trouble competing with some forms of rock salt, but I think that my E-pellets will be preferred at discriminating tables – they will be perfectly (and perhaps sensually) formed, and uniform in size.

I have purchased manufacturing facilities, and as soon as Congress acts, I am ready to move. Investors may contact me directly.

ldischler, Oct 18 2002


       But then everything would come in pellet form and there would be widspread pellet fear. "What is it? Don't touch it! It's a pellet! Wait do you have your pellet color guide? Yes I do. What color is it? Aqua. Lets see..aqua...aqua, ah here it is..sea bass salt. Oh good I needed some of that."
lazloquezos, Oct 18 2002

       The idea, lazloquezos, is that the pellet is too large to go up your nose… Actually, after I posted this I had the thought that I had not explained the rationale in full. So thanks. (Perhaps I shouldn’t mention this, but I now have my scientists busy trying to pelletize house dust – and that, by the way, is going to be a terrible marketing challenge.)
ldischler, Oct 18 2002

       Nice and easy clean up. Now that's something I like.
lazloquezos, Oct 18 2002

       By your own reckoning, you owe $390.00 for posting this idea. That brings the total thus far to $780.00.
thumbwax, Oct 18 2002

       No, no, thumbwax. I've now saved around $9,000. Don't you understand shopper's arithmetic?
ldischler, Oct 18 2002

       Yes. So far, you're the only baker-cadet who owes money, as the rest got their ideas posted for free.
thumbwax, Oct 18 2002

       Thumbwax: the check is in the mail. If you notice some powder in the envelope, don't be concerned – I just spilled a little talc this morning.
ldischler, Oct 18 2002

       's OK - I'm going to forward it to the Bit- I mean, ex anyway - no doubt she needs more money for her 6th house. Enjoy it while you can, @#$&* - <daily prayer>please, oh please die a slow painful death</daily prayer>
thumbwax, Oct 19 2002

       wait a second I need to stand under the flag in my front yard with my hand over my heart and sing the american national anthem with a tear in my eye. Get over it bad things happen every day in every country and the most it will warrent is a ten second news bite, its supprising that its taken this long to get into the west, I dont think that changing everything into pellets will make any difference, psychos will find a way around it.
Gulherme, Oct 19 2002

       Yet again, the satire (if you will kindly allow me to call it that) was too well hidden. But how about the subsequent idea of pelletizing house dust...no more allergies, no more dusting. Just get a shovel -- the manly way to clean!   

       (My wife will not allow me to use the leaf-blower in the house, thus the genesis of the idea.)
ldischler, Oct 19 2002

       Will there be cartels of colubian "marble" smugglers now? Will cocain addicts develop nostrils large enough to fit their own thumbs in?
ye_river_xiv, Jan 02 2007


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