h a l f b a k e r y
"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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In the technological age we live in today, overstimulation brought about by every matter of new media has made the mundane seem even more so, and with that, the average attendance to what are typically very modest and depressing funerals has decreased dramatically. We here at Epitaph Wheel of Fortune
provide a means for droll amusement on such lugubrious occasions.
As on the popular game show, people take turns spinning a prize wheel whereupon if their spin does not fall on Bankrupt or Lose a Turn, they are allowed a chance to guess one of the consonants in the deceaseds epitaph, initially obscured on one of our own patented puzzle-board gravestones® and revealed as players guess the proper lettersvowels, of course, may also be guessed, but at the expense of money won from guessing consonantsand eventually solve the epitaph. For an extra $250, a hooker that sort of looks like Vanna White will be provided to turn the letters.