Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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Everything-proof nothing feeder

It's just a sealed container of seeds
  [vote for,

Dangle from a branch a tantalizing-but-impenetrable, clear, polycarbonate container full of scrumptious seeds, nuts, and grain. The type of animals who eat such food and who would normally tear up your roof will stare at it quizzically for a few seconds, attempt to access its contents without success, and then out of shame run off to your neighbour's property, leaving your roof leak free.
Cuit_au_Four, Aug 24 2020

Safety lamp https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safety_lamp
Useful [8th of 7, Aug 24 2020]

Critter tearing up roof https://www.google....mgrc=KaV4ruANSi76KM
[pertinax, Aug 26 2020]


       I can not tell you how much I adore this idea. You can fake your neighbors into thinking you are a kind soul who loves to watch the birdies visit the feeder. Hahaha, when you are really a fruitcake who hates all little living beings. This is genius I tell ya.
blissmiss, Aug 24 2020

       // you are really a fruitcake who hates all little living beings. This is genius I tell ya. //   

       It is indeed. We are concerned that we did not think of this ourselves.   

       Glass would be better than polycarbonate.   

       A design like a classic miner's safety lamp <link>, which permits air to flow through but blocks any other access, will get round the scent problem. A small solar-powered fan integrated into the cap will do the job.   

       For extra pointless cruelty, the deluxe version should have an opening transparent lid and a motion sensor, so that it closes tight whenever a "customer" approaches. However, the Post Office clearly have extensive Prior Art in that technology- licensing may be needed.   

8th of 7, Aug 24 2020

       [+] I don't know why I find deliberate and focused efforts aimed at being sub-useful amusing, but I do.   

       //glass would be better than polycarbonate.//   

       I think the large US market should be considered. Polycarbonate is likely more bear-resistant than glass. I can't think of anything worse than the device falling to the ground, smashing and disgorging the bountiful contents as some kind of final victory to the gathered animals.
bs0u0155, Aug 25 2020

       " don't know why I find deliberate and focused efforts aimed at being sub-useful amusing, but I do." ~~~bs0u0155~~~   

       Without that kind of idea, the bakery would have about 10 entries left. (mostly beanangel's)
blissmiss, Aug 25 2020

       + It’s halfbaked genius. though i would feel like I was being mean to the little birdies…
xandram, Aug 25 2020

       //feel like I was being mean to the little birdies…//   

       Feeding the birds is often at the expense of squirrels & other critters. At the HB there was an attempt to make a bird-proof squirrel feeder, but that was bound to upset one faction or another. The complete absence of feeding anything is the only way to remove discrimination. At the same time, you have still spent time and money demonstrating your willingness in principle at least, to feed things, and are therefore a good person.
bs0u0155, Aug 25 2020

       Amen, to phony good people. This encompasses 1/2 of the American population right now. And no, I ain't saying which half. In the interest of peace.
blissmiss, Aug 25 2020

       *desperately tries not to throw in the few words it would take to turn [Bliss]'s comment into a shitstorm the size of Texas
Voice, Aug 26 2020

       Go on, [Voice] ... do it ... you know you want to ... Resistance is Futile ...
8th of 7, Aug 26 2020

       Obviously whichever half Voice and 8th are unaffiliated with.
RayfordSteele, Aug 26 2020

       //the critters that tear up roofs//   

       Around here, roofs are mostly made of corrugated metal. There are local critters which can tear them up, but only in unusual circumstances. In fact, the only example I can show you is of an artist's reconstruction using a tiled roof - linked.
pertinax, Aug 26 2020

       On the other hand, it's quite clear that you have a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock ...
8th of 7, Aug 27 2020

       All I can say is don't feed the evrything-proof nothings...   


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