Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Evil door

It always opens towards you
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An automatic door usually opens by sliding sideways. Some however are like normal double doors. They open either inwards or outwards. The evil door knows which of its sensors has gone off and opens the door towards the person who is trying to get through. On the way in this misses them and they then think they know which way the doors open. On the way out of the shop or wherever the sensors are placed closer to the door, the door opens inwards and shopping gets knocked all over the floor.

Don't ask why the world needs one of these. An altruistic version which opens away from the user might actually be usefull though.

RobertKidney, Aug 10 2003


       Easy enough. Just reverse the signs and motion sensors on the IN and OUT doors.
Cedar Park, Aug 10 2003

       //Don't ask why // you dont need a reason if its evil. You may as well ask, why a shark tank? Why a monorail? Why hire such incompetent henchmen? Why not shoot Bond the first time you meet him in a casino? Why marry the girl who, moments before, swore to kill you?...<wanders off muttering to self>
chud, Aug 10 2003

       Legal action ensues...

[jutta] I always considered you as calm and collected. The idea of you drop-kicking a milk drink, is like discovering Santa Claus was a lie.
silverstormer, Aug 10 2003

       It's more like discovering that Santa was real, and he's the one that ran over your puppy.
Detly, Aug 10 2003

       I like the Socratic method of idea advocacy here - promoting an idea by detailing the malevolence of its opposite.
bungston, Aug 10 2003

       //Damn! Jutta is human. Well, that stuffs up that theory, doesn't it?// [UB]... //I like the Socratic method of idea advocacy here - promoting an idea by detailing the malevolence of its opposite.//[bungston]   

       So your saying {Jutta} is not human, beacuse it's too awful to imagine a world in which {Jutta} is human?
FloridaManatee, Aug 10 2003

       There are humans here?
Shz, Aug 10 2003

       ...from a flying milk-drink.
silverstormer, Aug 11 2003

       [jutta]'s anno made me wonder whether the hot drink was given to her on purpose before she was allowed through the door. Now *that* would be truly evil - "Sorry, you can't come through unless you have that barrel of boiling oil balanced on your head and are carrying boxes piled 6 feet high. Mind the step."
PeterSilly, Aug 11 2003

       For this to be even more evil, the door would have to be specifically labelled as "evil door" - white letters on a cool, reassuring blue, in a blank, functional font. All other doors nearby would be (incorrectly) labelled with "This door is out of order. Please use the evil door" thereby filling the potential threshhold-crosser with a sense of incredulous foreboding.
my face your, Aug 11 2003

       The door as described so far barely scratches the surface of evility. A truly evil door would stay closed until someone approaches, then indeed open toward that person, as previously described, but it would not STAY open long enough for the person to get through. Say, first it opens by 60 degrees, then closes by 15 degrees, then opens 40 degrees (at this point it is open 85 degrees, so perhaps the victim will start to walk through), then closes 20 degrees... and so on, in a random pattern, until the victim ether successfully dashes through the door, or gives up and heads toward some other door (at which point the evil door, sensing the departure, gently closes all the way). Oh, and an appropriate place for such a door is an amusement park fun-house...
Vernon, Aug 12 2003

       Add to that a non-automatic clear glass sliding door right behind the evil door for even more hot-milk-spilling fun.
Worldgineer, Aug 12 2003

       I just read through the anno's again (I recommend it). [my face]'s anno had me rolling.
Worldgineer, Aug 20 2005

       I am glad you did at least [world] because then this was listed in the recent and I got to read it. :) But I am not sure if [my face], or [vernon]'s had me laughing harder. Can I get one for my front door. Then I could turn it to "evil mode" or "normal mode" and let my door get rid of unwanted guests. ;)
babyhawk, Aug 20 2005

       Vernon's door would be great for when someone comes around to tell you the Good News - "Come on in - that is if you can make it over the threshold..."
wagster, Aug 20 2005

       Vernons idea reminds me of an automatic opening door, but in reverse.
That is, it is wide open until someone tries to walk through it, then it closes.
Ling, Aug 21 2005

       In nice weather, the evil doors (swinging or sliding versions) stay open until someone approaches, then they close. And the evil elevator uses a random number generator to select what floor you end up on. I suppose the evil escalator would just randomly turn into a slide.
sleeka, Aug 21 2005

       Some day if you're in the mood for a terrible yet entertaining '80's horror flick, rent "The Lift". It's about a truely evil elevator.
Worldgineer, Aug 21 2005

       I saw that movie, and it was TERRIBLE!
whizzentag, May 01 2008

       Baked. A few doors at the university I am obliged to attend do this.
froglet, May 02 2008

       In case you were wondering what Jutta said:   

       //The evilest of doors do not open by themselves but need to be opened by you, towards yourself, while balancing spillable hot purchases. I remember angrily drop-kicking a foamed milk drink after losing a fight with an inward-opening cafe door in Charleston.
(Side note: kicking containers whose contents you don't want to get all over yourself is very, very stupid.)//

       Courtesy of the wayback machine.
Loris, May 27 2010

       //the door opens inwards and shopping gets knocked all over the floor// I don't know why that phrase is so funny to me, but it is.
nomocrow, May 27 2010

       In case where there's someone approaching from either side, the door should just not open at all.
RayfordSteele, Jun 02 2010

       Sounds better just to have a giant meat grinder door. Go in and come out hamburger unless you put in a special token to enter.
travbm, Oct 29 2015


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