Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Extreme Waste Meter

Automated Excriment Telemetry Gun
  (+3, -10)(+3, -10)
(+3, -10)
  [vote for,

This is a device like a radar gun that contains the required technologies to perform the following.

You point this gun at solid wastes produced by creatures of various types.

The AETG captures and delivers information: the type of animal that produced the excrement, composition data, temperature, volume, approximated beast size, measure of out-gassing etc.

The device will also allow the user to store all of the datum, rate stinkyness, stickyness, time, date, gps location, and feild notes.

The device can interface with a spreadsheet software to turn out reports.

This could have all manner of applications.

Unless its considered cruelty to animals to measure their excrement without their consent or awareness.

vfrackis, Mar 11 2009

most trackers know this information... http://www.bear-tra...com/animalscat.html
[xandram, Mar 12 2009]

Fecal Examiner http://www.freepate...ne.com/5066463.html
someone's got a patent out... [k_sra, Mar 18 2009]

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       //This could have all manner of applications.//   

       [tapping fingers on desk awaiting just one]
blissmiss, Mar 11 2009

       //and feild notes// sp "field', or did you mean "fetid"?
xenzag, Mar 11 2009

       You could gather intelligence and track down the dog that did his business on your lawn.   

       It could be a fun hobby for kids.   

       Doctors could use it to measure how disgusting a person is.   

       Hunters would know that wolves are in the area or maybe it's bears.   

       Researchers could document Big Foot evidence.   

       Maria could find out what Joe had for dinner last night and then get a divorce.
vfrackis, Mar 11 2009

       How does it work?   

       //contains the required technologies to perform the following//   

       ..just doesn't cut it.
Custardguts, Mar 11 2009

       [marked-for-deletion] magical poo gun. If you absolutely *must* post an idea about a method for gathering information about crap, you should at the very least try to explain how it works, otherwise it's just another turd measuring "wouldn't it be nice if" wannabe.   

       sp. excriment
zen_tom, Mar 12 2009

       this is a website for new ideas right?   

       what exactly would your lazy brain matter like to hear?   

       back scatter radiation detector, laser based edm scan capability, gas meter electronics, the guts from a Motorola gsm smart phone with a gps radio in place, temperature sensors from Honeywell, image processing algorithms with a database of animal waste to run recognition routines, small form factor gas spectrometer   

       moreover why are the guts of the instrument so important? all of the disparate technologies exist to make an integrated sensor of this type.   

       the idea of a rectal thermometer is disgusting too but it exists. Is that why this idea is no good? is your group negativity because you find the subject matter inappropriate? Now that's entertainment! Adolf would be proud.   

       Hey what are you guys doing this weekend? We should go destroy some rare paintings together.
vfrackis, Mar 12 2009

       Hey, don't blame the group - I think this idea is poor entirely independently.   

       Calm down - seriously though, with any of that kit, how would you tell what animal a particular piece of excrement came from?   

       My personal negativity towards this idea is based on its juvenile subject matter, its lack of content, poor presentation, bad spelling and failed jokes.   

       I love that you compare your idea about dog poo with rare paintings, I also find amusing your link between having evolved from the schoolyard and Adolf Hitler! It's very endearing, but it's not really what this website is all about - there are lots of websites out there where you can discuss different poos and I'm sure you'll get some more positive reactions on those sites - but it's not really the done thing here, same as it wouldn't be in the office, or at a dinner party - that's not me being rude, unpleasant or fascist, it's just me trying to give you an idea about the general tone that you might expect around here - then again, I might be wrong, knock yourself out!
zen_tom, Mar 12 2009

       thank you [zen tom] you are much more eloquent than I. I, on the other hand looked at this person's profile page to see that 'bakers have been kind on other ideas, so why the outlashing? we are not Poodants!!
xandram, Mar 12 2009

       //the idea of a rectal thermometer is disgusting //
No, not really.
//feild// sp. "felt"
coprocephalous, Mar 12 2009

       [xandram] maybe I've misunderstood what you mean (if so then apologies) but looking at someone's profile page shouldn't have anything to do with it - it's not a case of being in the in-crowd (or at least it shouldn't be) - if anyone had posted this idea as presented, I'd still have marked it for deletion, and probably been just as outright in my criticism of it (I hope so anyway).   

       Conversely, I will have voted and/or annotated positively on any of [vfrackis]' other ideas where they have merit.   

       I probably overdid it on my second annotation, but was responding to vfrackis' Hitler/destroy paintings jibe by then - I should have tried to be a bit more neutral there perhaps.   

       Anyway, [vfrackis] (and anyone else for that matter) - I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
zen_tom, Mar 12 2009

       my feelings were deeply hurt and, therefore, i accept your apology. :P   

       i can picture zoologists in the african sahara using something like this (don't they already?) and thus don't find the idea without merit. trying to turn it into a Wal-Mart buy of the week seems a bit much, though.
k_sra, Mar 12 2009

       //the african sahara // There's another?
coprocephalous, Mar 12 2009

       i don't actually know. imagine my embarrassment. :)
k_sra, Mar 12 2009

       Good, we'll hear no more about it then k_sra.   

       I can't believe I've actually been doing this, but I've been trying to figure out how you might actually do this in a telemetric way.   

       You could scan across various bands of electromagnetic radiation - which might give you temperature readings, and with some clever object recognition software might be able to build a 3d model against which a database could be compared in order to try and find a match for identification purposes.   

       Stickyness is however only really measurable by employing some form of poking technique, and perhaps a telescopic thingy could be built into the device for this purpose.
zen_tom, Mar 12 2009

       //i don't actually know. imagine my embarrassment//
Well, I suppose there was one (still is?) in Las Vegas, but I don't imagine there'd be too many zoologists there.
Except at zoologist conventions.

//Stickyness// Maybe some form of air-hammer like optometrists use to measure eyeball bouncyness to diagnose glaucoma.
Or maybe that would only measure elasticity. Unless you measured how much flew off, in which case, I suppose you'd get a measure of stickyness.
Shutting up now.
coprocephalous, Mar 12 2009

       [zen_tom] totally misunderstood!! sometime I am too cryptic. I meant [vfrackis] has outlashed at ALL halfbakers, whether that was the intent or not, and I see that the 'bakers have not boned all the ideas, so you are correct in saying that this is a bad idea! hence the bones!
I don't understand why [vfrackis] got all upset. We have all made inventions that we thought were good at the time, and then not received so well when presented to others. We are not against poo!
xandram, Mar 12 2009

       zen_tom, blissmiss, Custardguts, xandram , all halfbakers:   

       first off thanks for all of your comments, i do appreciate all opinions positive or negative   

       i am honored that anyone would take the time and i am privileged to have participated to date.   

       this particular idea is not about dog poo rather an instrument that is capable of gleaning and coordinating information from excrement.   

       in all honesty can't say i am upset about anything anyone has said and hope that I did not in turn upset anyone.   

       i do have a growing concern with the boundaries that exist here. too many, such is life   

       halfbakery is a misspelled word? as are the majority of your names. so here are the boundaries that i see   

       No spelling errors will be tolerated. Always seems to be someone that feels superior pointing them out.   

       No jokes allowed unless they are witty. I say bad jokes are the best.   

       No suggested cruelty to animals. I was cruel to an animal today at lunch time, a turkey and probably several all at once.   

       No duplicate or similar ideas, how many ideas are posted here exactly?   

       No ideas that could be construed as bad taste or "juvenile subject matter". this covers much ground all of my ideas to date in fact.   

       No communication of ideas in a "poor" manner or else marked for deletion what's wrong with a run on sentence why does everything have to be grammatically correct?   

       Comments of this type are so common on this site and I say tired. Certainly they are not just on my ideas. You see this mentality in the posts associated with the most favored ideas.   

       Not sure i can place a name on it to suit or categorize. I think that proper behavior guidelines is a tone that does not foster creativity and only serves to turn people away.
vfrackis, Mar 12 2009

       I very kindly asked you for an application. Not of doo-doo mind you. But for an application for your idea. The millions of ways to use this quite simply passed me by.   

       And you are very correct. My name is not spelled correctly...it should be spelled   

blissmiss, Mar 12 2009

       Hey [vfrackis] - boundaries sound bad - but you know what, open your mind to the (counter-intuitive) idea that boundaries are actually good for you - let's explore your examples and try to allay your fears:   

       Spelling - it's not about being superior or inferior - it's about communicating properly, and having the respect for others to at least try to couch your communications in as clear and correct language as possible - sure we all make mistakes (hell, I know I do!) but rather than get upset when someone else points out these errors, be pleased that someone took the time out of their day to give you a leg-up the communications ladder.   

       Jokes - live by the survival of the fittest - some rise to the top of the pile, others just get by because they are so so, and others sink directly to the bottom. Different jokes are funny at different times of life. I used to make jokes that in my limited experience and local circle seemed perfectly reasonable, funny and witty - until I started travelling around the world and discovered that telling them in front of people from various other cultures meant that I'd hurt or upset people - whether I liked it or not. You can continue to tell the same jokes in front of your local crowd - and they'll probably continue to find them hilarious - but you're playing to a different audience now - isn't it better to get the experience of testing out your material against a more diverse crowd who are going to honestly provide you with meaningful feedback - or would you prefer we all wrote our empty "lols" and "rofls" and all that nonsense that you get in any other message board in the world? It really is your choice - but please, ask yourself where else you're going to get this level of stark honesty.   

       Cruelty to animals is obviously not a good thing - eating meat isn't necessarily the same thing - but then again, nor is it anything original.   

       No duplicate ideas - of course not - what's the point of 'coming up' with ideas that have been done countless times before? Where would the challenge be in that? How many ideas are there here? I don't know, but it must be in the tens of thousands.   

       Juvenile or bad taste - well to be honest, there's plenty of both - but to get away with it (and it is *very* occasionally possible to get away with it) you need to do something pretty special, otherwise it just comes over as attention-seeking.   

       [marked-for-deletion] tags are there to try and weed out those things that crop up here time and time again, we've seen most of them before - and that's how they got to be defined as reasons for being deleted - it's not necessarily a value judgement, it just means it's been done to death already - sure, the rules can be broken, they just have to be broken in some way that's spectacularly innovative, charming and original.   

       Grammar and presentation style - see spelling - we're doing you a favour.   

       And finally, I'd argue that guidelines, boundaries and limits (and this has been mentioned here before by better people than me) far from stopping creativity - actually foster it by encouraging people to work that little bit harder.   

       The greatest artists have to work within the boundaries of a frame or canvas - that's what creativity is - it doesn't matter what format you choose to express yourself in, there's always going to be some set of rules, structure or format to work within or around - some chose to work outside of those boundaries (see Marcel Duchamp) but are they more creative because of that? Maybe the first time round, but it gets pretty tired after 90 years.   

       So to sum up - honest criticism, although it can earn the tag of 'negative' is probably the best and most useful thing anyone is going to get out of this site - nobody is going to coddle you, or give you false praise - take it, learn from it, enjoy and use it - it's good for you!!   

       [xandram] phew! You had me worried for a while back there!
zen_tom, Mar 12 2009

       [zen tom]-what a lovely piece of writing you have put forth.   

       In my Daily Om reading today the subject was imperfection and how it is a virtue to seek out imperfection in others.   

       You have just done your weeks worth in a very kind way. Kudos.
blissmiss, Mar 12 2009

       nice [blissy]! as I have said previously [zen_tom] is quite eloquent and serves well as a spokesman here.
as for [vfrackis] you must realize that all of us have been through similar experiences here, but we have weathered the storm because we LOVE this place and we HONOR [jutta] and all the work she does to keep this place in shape. You can whine all you want and disagree with whatever you want and you can still keep your account here. That's not a bad deal, is it? Sometimes I don't use capitalization and I make spelling errors. I choose to capitalize when I feel like it, but I like my spelling errors being pointed out, so I may fix them and learn. hey, sometimes it's just a typo. Take a load off. Read a bunch of random ideas, good and bad. You will find peace.
xandram, Mar 13 2009

       sp. sp. excrement
neelandan, Mar 16 2009

       The data would be stored in .trd, .crp -files?   

       Anyways, i fail to see the applications of this technology too;
loonquawl, Mar 16 2009

       I want to bypass most of the comments on here, but i have read them. Concerning savannah, yes it does exist elsewhere, for instance parts of Australia, either side of Amazonia and presumably somewhere in central Asia. Just couldn't resist saying that.
Back to the point though. I don't know about an actual gun, but i can see that there would be ways of analysing excrement quickly with, say, a core sample. For instance, you could detect specific types of infection, gut flora, details of recent diet and sometimes species, and to some extent whether the food was marine or terrestrial in origin. This could be done by detecting different isotopes, providing substrates for particular enzymes, alpha globulins, and testing for particular nucleotides and proteins found in specific types of microorganism and so forth. Concerning applications, you could use it to analyse the dietary profile of a whole city by analysing the sewage, pick up individual details of someone's diet such as whether they ate a lot of fish or were veggie or use it to detect cholera or typhoid in a water supply. You could also find out what kind of pests are eating your crops and maybe where they're coming from. It would also be useful for detecting how energy flows in a food web, particularly near coastlines.
nineteenthly, Mar 16 2009

       //Concerning savannah, yes it does exist elsewhere//   

       yes, but does the 'sahara' exist anywhere else? that was the debated geographical point of reference.
k_sra, Mar 16 2009

       Thank You Nineteenthly !
vfrackis, Mar 16 2009

       Aside from correcting all of the spelling, this is a totally halfbaked idea... i.e. a useless, stupid, turd map, that no one will want. This makes it meet with my approval and is accordingly awarded this croissant. [+]
xenzag, Mar 16 2009

       Well, "sahara" actually means "desert", so yes.
nineteenthly, Mar 16 2009

       i found a patent for a fecal examiner. sounds like a canine periodical.
k_sra, Mar 18 2009


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