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Eyeball Augmentation

or, "oculoplasty," if you're nasty
  (+7, -8)
(+7, -8)
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Studies have shown that many -- if not most -- people unconsciously associate large eyes with attractiveness, or, more specifically, cuteness. Although there are some surgeries that could be performed to increase the opening of the eyelid to create the illusion of larger eyes, this procedure is invasive and does not actually increase the amount of eye you have.

Since the vitreous humor of the eyeball is 99% water, a small injection of water via syringe could be periodically administered with a local anaesthetic as an outpatient procedure (like Botox is, today)-- to gradually increase the volume of the eyeballs. Your vision might be *slightly* distorted by the increased dimensions of your optic organs, but if you want a bigger omelette, you've got to augment some eggs.

Pretty soon, you'll be cuter than you ever imagined humanly possible.

nihilo, May 26 2006

Cuteness & eyebigness http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuteness
[nihilo, May 26 2006, last modified May 27 2006]

Vitreous humor ingredients http://www.tedmontg...e_eye/vitreous.html
[nihilo, May 26 2006]

Beauty & facial proportions http://members.aol....verbal3/beauty1.htm
'In the 1930s, researchers isolated specific "cute" features in the resting face, seemingly favored by human beings in every society. A set of youthful features and proportions (e.g., wide-set eyes and full lips set upon soft, smooth, unblemished skin) appears to be attractive both in male and female faces.' [nihilo, May 26 2006]

Couldn't resist... http://charlieonthe...pics/thebugeyes.jpg
[Shz, May 26 2006]

She's cute, but how 'bout this? http://growabrain.t...ages/big_eyes_1.jpg
[nihilo, May 26 2006]

Big-eyedness: today. http://besmirched.tripod.com/today.html
Don't fight the cuteness. Resistance is futile. [nihilo, May 26 2006]

Graves' Disease http://hubnet.buffa...Graves_disease_.jpg
[ldischler, May 27 2006]

Metaluna Mutant http://www.scifi.co.../cool/sfw12478.html
.. "Wendy! - I'm Home - from the opticians" [xenzag, May 27 2006]

Dig these glasses for your oversized eyes http://www.thebagla...nglasses/index.html
[NotTheSharpestSpoon, May 27 2006]

[link]






       If you're cute, then you're cute whether your eyes are cute or not.   

       And if you're not cute, then doing this will make your eyes cute but you still will not be.
phundug, May 26 2006
  

       What about your skull? That won't change shape in response to your growing eyes, and I don't want to think about the consequences.
5th Earth, May 27 2006
  

       nihilo, would you mind replacing your first link with one to wikipedia's entry on the subject? The site looks like a spam farm that mixes unattributed wikipedia articles with links to their advertisers in order to boost page rank. Thanks!
jutta, May 27 2006
  

       On the contrary, the study of beauty can be empirically demonstrated to be a (very) hard science.
nihilo, May 27 2006
  

       I think you'd end up bug-eyed, not big-eyed.
HaltAndCatchFire, May 27 2006
  

       as long as we avoid milihelens.   

       you do realize that our eyes pop right? also, this kinda negates their original, perfectly legitimate function.
tcarson, May 27 2006
  

       Hey, who cares about glaucoma? Blindness is a small price for beautiful, bulging eyes.
ldischler, May 27 2006
  

       I'm giving this a bun - because it's capable of producing a real life version of the Metaluna Mutant , especially if it went wrong- see link. +
xenzag, May 27 2006
  

       I'm giving this a bun because I will finally be able to wear those big '70s style sunglasses for a legitimate reason.
NotTheSharpestSpoon, May 27 2006
  

       WHOA: Graves' disease-- so hot!   

       Breasts once had a "perfectly legitimate function", but I don't hear anyone whining about that.
nihilo, May 27 2006
  

       Am I the only one here who remembers David Cronenberg's Scanners? I used to have the eyeball popping scene clip on my old Amiga, in HAM mode. Nice and gruesome it was too.
Salmon Of Doubt, May 28 2006
  

       you are not the only one... I took a series of stlls from the exploding head sequence from a TV screen that looked like a goldfish bowl in San Fransicso - used to send them as postcards. No one could figure out what was going on in them - they just looked bizarre
xenzag, May 28 2006
  

       My God! This is awful! Bun for having the guts to post it.
zigness, Jun 30 2006
  

       /I don't unconsciously associate big eyes with attractiveness,/ Yes you do. You are just not conscious of it.   

       The fluid injection thing is an unsatisfactory and temporary solution, so to speak. Really what is needed is ocular implants: optically clear jelly wads to permanently increase eye size and consequent attractiveness.
bungston, Jun 30 2006
  

       psst... Wanna buy some giant Amoebas? Shove 'em your eyes - make 'em look real big...   

       [+]
monojohnny, Jun 30 2006
  
      
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