Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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Proudy pointing out the questionable wet spot on your crotch
  [vote for,

Stanley walked into the 13th floor lavatory to check his appearance before heading to his presentation for the boys up top.

His face was flush.

He'd better splash some cold water on his face to cool himself off... damn it, he was a nervous wreck.

As he twisted the knob on the posh water basin, a jet of water erupted from the tap, and upon contact with the stopper, realigned itself into a crotch-intercepting vector.

With 3 minutes to spare, panic was an understatement.

Stanley, now poised in a modern day struggle for survival, rapidly assessed his options...

Use paper towels to dab his slack's dry? No, t'would leave little balls of paper towel in the fabric of his slacks, drawing even more attention to the area.

Wring the cloth dry? No, the wrinkles left behind would invariably do the same.

Fake a seizure, or possibly death? His mind mulled this course of action over, as a co-worker noticed his pale and horror stricken visage.

"What's up bro?", his concerned co-worker asked.

Stanley mournfully apprised his co-worker of his situation; he frantically summarized the possible sequelae of these events; he briefed his coworker on his tentative options, then succumbed to a fit of sobbing.

"Cheer up, bro. I got you covered!", he said whilst producing a carefully rolled, silk tie from his pocket.

"What(sniff)... er(sniff)..."

"It's an FYI Tie, bro. Check it out.", said smugly.

Unfurled, the maroon tie was emblazoned with a long arrow who's point terminated at the tip, and bold letters declaring: "It's not pee".

Stanley reeled.

"When there is an elephant in the room, bro...", he said. Then patted his petrified colleague on the shoulder, and sauntered out of the lavatory.

MikeD, Mar 08 2012

one Presto http://www.gopresto.com/
[not_morrison_rm, Mar 10 2012]


       Of course, the other solution is to ensure that your slacks are equally damp all over (there are a number of methods to achieve this) and then concoct a bizarre excuse for it.
DrBob, Mar 08 2012

       An obvious replacement for the "I went to xxx, and all I got was this Lousy T shirt".   

       By the way, never head that reference to an elephant...is the punch line "Don't stand near the tail"?
Ling, Mar 08 2012

       "When there's an elephant in the room, introduce him" - Randy Paush   

       Probably existed prior to his book, and in his book he references the saying as an old adage his grandfather used to say. A great book, though. He wrote it while in the terminal stage of pancreatic cancer. I've read better, but the premise was irresistible. I keep it in the philosophy section of my library.
MikeD, Mar 08 2012

       This is doubly useful if it IS in fact pee.
ytk, Mar 08 2012

       A more intelligent version of Stanley would simply have soaked the rest of his clothing, thereby eliminating the tell-tale contrast.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2012

       I did that for a friend in the first grade - he'd peed a spot on his pants, and wouldn't leave the bench to play with me.   

       When I finally cajoled the tale from him, I said "simple solution, come to the bathroom with me. When we wash our hands I'll splash you, and you can get angry and chase me around for revenge".   

       Ah childhood, simple problems, simple solutions.
normzone, Mar 09 2012

       It's snot, pee.
rcarty, Mar 09 2012

       I've been musing over this...   

       I think you're going the wrong way about it, you know. The whole point is to distract, not point it out. So the tie should have a large arrow on it which points somewhere else and says "Look over there!" or "Hey, look at that!".   

       Said tie should be large enough to cover halfway down to your knees and hey presto* no one's ever going to notice.   

       *Who is presto, anyway?
Ling, Mar 10 2012

       //Who is presto, anyway?//   

       See link of one Presto, they seem to make pressure cookers, so perhaps some absent-minded magician decided to conceal the white rabbit in it, with predictably dire consequences, so that's why we say Hey Presto as a reminder of that fateful day...or not.
not_morrison_rm, Mar 10 2012


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