Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
It might be better to just get another gerbil.

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Fake cigarette for nonsmokers

Vital noir accessory for the health-conscious
(+3, -3)
  [vote for,

There are a thousand ways to do a stakeout. One for every middle-level upwardly-mobile mob boss, one for every small-time pimp who's started try'n'a peddle the wrong kind of crack. They've all got one thing in common. A cigarette. You try standing in that rainy doorway across the street with your fedora soaked through, or staying awake in a parked car at 3 am, with just your hip flask to keep you company in the cold, you'll see what I mean. You need something to do with your hands, and I mean other than drink, or play with your gun. But no smoking, because you want the coroner to dig the bullets out of your nice, pink, healthy lungs.

So. Take some paper, a few watch batteries, a red LED, and a pressure sensitive switch. Roll them up. Stand in the shadow of the doorway over there. Good. Now, put it to your lips --- inhale --- press the switch. Do that every minute or so for five hours and I'll hire you as my junior partner. Your subject can see the periodic red glow, which lets them know you're here --- it's part of the deal. And with a little practice you can palm the cigarette when you pretend to dash it out on the street.

wiml, Aug 23 2001

Fake Cigarettes http://www.halfbake...0Candy_20Cigarettes
Similar but not technological... Not for kids I remind you. [L a z y M a n, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

E-lusion cigarettes http://www.elusione...niccigarette.co.nz/
Pretty close... [neutrinos_shadow, Jul 26 2011]


       Okay, [waugsqueke], what's your take on this one?
angel, Aug 23 2001

       Sorta-kinda-not really baked. I remember in my youth, we had lollies called Fags (a UK term for cigarettes, I beleive.) They looked exactly like cigarettes and were sold to kids. Disgusting really... They've since been renamed and changed, but the picture on the pack still shows kids holding these candy sticks like cigarettes. Shameless.   

       I don't know why people think smoking looks so cool anyway.
sdm, Aug 23 2001

       RonHamel: // Not only is it self-destructive, it shows disregard for the health and comfort of those nearby //   

       Yes, I suppose. There is that element of rebellion in, well, just, pissing people off. By the time people are old or experienced enough to realise what they are doing to their bodies (not to mention those around them), they're hooked.   

       Practically all of my workmates are smokers who started in their mid teens. All but one of them whish they weren't, and are desperately trying to quit.
sdm, Aug 23 2001

       Self-destructive behavior is an essential part of any noir setting. Hence, smoking, drinking, getting shot at.
wiml, Aug 23 2001

       Can we have some of these for the Film Noir Home?
hippo, Aug 23 2001

       \\I remember in my youth, we had lollies called Fags (a UK term for cigarettes, I beleive.)\\   

       [sdm], they are still selling them, but they're now called "Fads".   

       Makes me wonder if they were actually called that in the first place.
mrkillboy, Aug 23 2001

       Can I have a fake tumour to go with mine?


       MrKillboy: Yes they really were called Fags. I feel old now.
sirrobin, Aug 23 2001

       Haha. Yes. I find the name "Fads" curious. It could be a backwards acknowledgement of the addictiveness of real cigarettes: Fads may only be short lived, but cigarettes will be around as long as withdrawl symptoms make quitting a difficult undertaking. Anyway, RonHamel: //Also, from a visual perspective, what about the smoke?// Aren't cold environments very noir. The fake cigarette would work well if people just used their own steam.
sdm, Aug 23 2001

       Oh this is baked. I've seen kids round my way use low-tech versions of what you describe, wiml. They are basically cardboard tubes that look like hollowed out ciggarettes. To get a smoke effect, they put sherbit, or the like, in one oend, and blow it out, thus creating smokelike clouds of sherbit.
[ sctld ], Aug 25 2001

       Television might suddenly become a whole lot more boring.
sdm, Aug 25 2001

       Baked: Candy "cigarettes" complete with a piece of chewing gum to clean your breath, have been a staple of "loosie shops" (stores that sell cigs one by one) for a long time. Old post but still gets the fish.
blainez, Mar 04 2002

       This would be good for smoke breaks for non-smokers.
bluerowan, Mar 04 2002

       This reminds me of a bit called "Looks Simple" that Penn & Teller do. Teller comes out, puts out one cigarette, lights another, while Penn narrates. Then he turns around and does the whole routine again, and you realize he was actually not doing that at all, but a quite elaborate series of sleight-of-hand maneuvers involving (among other things) an actual cigarette, a pencil and a flashlight.
krelnik, Nov 27 2002

       (-) for the usual reasons.
madradish, Aug 06 2003

       I wonder if this post pre-dates "smokeless cigarettes" which pretty well describe it to a tee (and you can have nicotine too).
FlyingToaster, Jul 26 2011

       There are 'E-lusion' cigarettes to help with quitting. Don't know if they glow or not.
neutrinos_shadow, Jul 26 2011

       //Don't know if they glow or not.//   

       They do - my brother had one so that he could smoke in lessons at school (with this gadget up his sleeve). As the atomising what-not only works as you inhale through it, it can turn on the red LED (behind an ash shaped translucent end) only when inhaling.
TomP, Jul 27 2011


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