Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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French Wine Reparations

A small fee for each bottle based upon relative contribution
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France is a major wine producing nation. Wine CAN be considered simply as fermented grape juice and therefore made anywhere that grapes will grow. The French do not share this view and will if you allow them, go on at length about tradition and particularly "Terroir". This is the effect that the environment, particularly the land itself has on wine quality.

A quick check of French wine producing regions shows that WW1 battle fronts run right through them. Now, it's difficult to imagine that something so important as "terroir" would be resistant to the effects of total war. No, if French "terroir" is indeed superior then it must, in part, have been created by the unique mix of materials spread across and sometimes deeply inserted into France by the enormous military forces once deployed there. Perhaps without just the right amount of Lee-Enfield rifle oil washing out into the Marne river, French Champagne would be inferior. Even distant regions would have been subject to the movements of millions of men and horses.

Logically, if the two world wars had any effect on French land, and that land is vital for the superiority of French wine then Britain, Germany and the various allied nations are directly responsible. To acknowledge this, a small percentage of wine sales should be directed to those nations as an expression of the famous French gratitude. Perhaps the Italians could get a small cut as proxies for the Roman contribution?

bs0u0155, Dec 03 2018

English Wine Bordeaux Restaurant https://www.telegra...had-a-riot-yet.html
[bs0u0155, Dec 04 2018]

[link]






       // an expression of the famous French gratitude. //   

       There has to be a first time for everything, presumably.
8th of 7, Dec 03 2018
  

       //a first time for everything,//   

       Maybe "famous" was a poor choice. "Conspicuous" might have been more appropriate.
bs0u0155, Dec 03 2018
  

       Perhaps the reason [8th] is so unfamiliar with French gratitude is that he only talks to them after he's arrived, rather than after he's left.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 03 2018
  

       We don't talk to them at all, because as soon as they see us they run away.   

       Then again, perhaps the Stahlhelm, and the black uniform with the Sig runes, aren't the right thing to wear when driving a Panzer III westward across the Meuse. It could just be fashion criticism.
8th of 7, Dec 03 2018
  

       It's not the Stahlhelm that puts them off - it's where you wear it. The short "belt" that you replaced with 4ft of elastic is meant to be a chinstrap.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 03 2018
  

       Now you tell us ...   

       But when Sturton gave it to us, he distinctly said ... oh, never mind.
8th of 7, Dec 03 2018
  

       So what your telling us is the Aztecs actually had the right idea, watering your fields with blood improves the quality of your produce over simply using water.   

       So we should all start building step pyramids?
Skewed, Dec 03 2018
  

       I suspect Sturton actually said "I got this for _you_, knobhead", not "your".
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 03 2018
  

       Ahhhh. He doesn't enunciate very clearly when he's drunk, i.e. all the time.   

       // start building step pyramids //   

       It can't do any harm.
8th of 7, Dec 03 2018
  

       Yes it can; consider the eupsychian movement.
pertinax, Dec 03 2018
  

       <considers the eupsychian movement/>   

       OK, done that ... now what ?
8th of 7, Dec 03 2018
  

       //the eupsychian movement// They were never the same since they replaced the drummer.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 03 2018
  

       I suspect it should be viable for Britain to produce an equivalent wine-like brewed product, except using something more sensible than grapes as the sugar source. One possibility is to continue producing ordinary beer (not lager) and simply call it wine (not barley wine), invoking legalities to ensure that it is territorially protected by name and region etc. Another (which might prove more interesting) is to use sugar beet, sweet potatoes, or perhaps just ordinary actual potatoes, to create a nearly exact replication of what the french consider to be wine. Obviously it won’t be able to compete with proper wine, as grown by the Australians, but it’d give us a start.
Ian Tindale, Dec 04 2018
  

       Not a single Terroir-ist pun...   

       Apparently England does now do a fairly good white wine in Sussex what with this global warming.   

       Problem is...with all this global warming Sussex will be below sea level.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 04 2018
  

       //it should be viable for Britain to produce an equivalent wine-like brewed product// In 2018, an English n.v. Champagne beat all the French n.v.'s in a blind tasting. The French were very pissed off.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 04 2018
  

       Yes, but they get very pissed off if an Englishman beats them at Stone, Paper, Scissors. It's a "Being beaten - yet again - by les sales Anglais" thing. It's probably genetic.
8th of 7, Dec 04 2018
  

       //Not a single Terroir-ist pun... //   

       That is a valid criticism.   

       //it should be viable for Britain to produce an equivalent wine-like brewed product,//   

       It's already very possible. Sadly, unlike France all the wine growing parts of England are worth quite a lot of money so the costs have to be passed off to the consumers... in France <link>
bs0u0155, Dec 04 2018
  

       // Britain to produce an equivalent wine-like brewed product //   

       Buckfast Tonic Wine ?
8th of 7, Dec 04 2018
  

       // Britain to produce an equivalent wine-like brewed product // There is, in fact, a thing (or rather a legal definition) called "British wine", which is used for "wine" made in Britain from grape concentrate. It is as vile as it sounds. Do not confuse it with English wine, made from English-grown grapes, which is expensive and scarce but often stunningly good.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 04 2018
  

       // It is as vile as it sounds. //   

       While we respect your expansive knowledge of viticulture, and your even more expansive family cellars, we feel obliged to contradict you on this point. It is definitely not as vile as it sounds. It is much, much worse.   

       Those who suffered in the 1970's from the sensory assault inflicted by a product retailed under the brand name "Santa Maria", a British "wine" manufactured by Greenall & Whitley Ltd. (later revealed to be a shadow company of the Tube Alloys operation at Rhydymwyn, using the same equipment- without cleaning it) will gnash their dentures in rage (none of them have any natural teeth left, as the liquid dissolved dental enamel, amalgam fillings, gold crowns and even PTFE) at the mention of the name.   

       Remaining stocks had to be destroyed by high-temperature incineration after the UK signed up to the UN Convention on Chemical Weapons.
8th of 7, Dec 04 2018
  

       //Remaining stocks had to be destroyed// We've only got your word for that. You did seem _awfully_ willing to handle the disposal.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 04 2018
  

       According to the terms of the treaty they "had to be destroyed". That doesn't mean they actually were destroyed; all that the bloke from the MoD wanted was a nice empty warehouse to show, and a chitty saying "Removed for destruction, qty. of chemical weaponry as discussed, van hire, assorted buckets, clean & make good, remove rubbish from site. Paid in full"
8th of 7, Dec 04 2018
  

       The remarkable thing about Santa Maria was that it was the only product marketed as "red wine" that was actually effective at removing red wine stains from shirts, tablecloths, livers... and indeed red wine.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 04 2018
  

       Up until recently it was impossible to ferment wines in countries with reasonable foot hygiene. This is probably why France did so well. These days they use synthetic foot rot to start the fermentation process.
bigsleep, Dec 05 2018
  
      
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