Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Halfbakery Non-Log-On Remonstrator

Upbraids you when you have been away too long....
  (+2, -4)
(+2, -4)
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A simple piece of software which has an internal clock and calculates exactly how long it has been since you last logged on to the Halfbakery.
If this is longer than the time stated in your Program preferences, every time you turn on your computer a large booming voice (Preferably something along the Vocal lines of Billy Connolly) begins to chastise your incompetence.

"You useless Bastage T_E_A, the last time you logged on Custard hadn't been invented"

"Call yourself a Halfbaker? I bet you Dont even Know what Godopoly is do you?"

It probably would be useful to no-one else except me, unless of course, you happen to like the idea of Billy Connolly cursing your name whenever you are away from the Bakery for xxx amount of time.....

edit : with a sliding volume scale for the longer you are away

Hope you are all well anyways


The_Englishman_Abroad, Feb 09 2003


       A fluffy pastry for you - You useless Bastage T_E_A
thumbwax, Feb 09 2003

       Oh oh, you mentioned Godopoly. I'll have to give you a croissant for that.   

       <big grin>
madradish, Feb 10 2003

       "Are you never off this thing?!" to
"Do I know you" or
"I never see you, you haven't called... and you expect a welcome when you come through my door?"
For occassional bakers: "Uh huh, you wouldn't normally have this kind of relationship..."

       I'll give a croissant here, but I'm worried that H'bakery will start giving me a hard time in the future...
Jinbish, Feb 10 2003

       "Not you again. When are you going to stop annotating with stupid wisecracks and come up with some REAL ideas"
egbert, Feb 10 2003

       I have one of these.
angel, Feb 10 2003

       Great, now my computer will make me feel guilty, too. Just what I need. What the heck, halve a warm flaky one on my tab.   

       Lets make it start off with gentle reminders, hints of the delectable pastries we love so much. Give it the Kathleen Turner/Jessica Rabbit voice for us bakers and , I don't know, maybe a Ricardo Montalban or Antonio Banderas Latino-type voice for the bakerettes (Is that sexist? Sorry!). Then after a reasonable delay the voice slowly morphs into either my ex-mother-in-law or Darth Vader (the same person? - I still don't know) and makes us feel like a boned fish.
Canuck, Feb 12 2003

       Definitely Antonio Banderas!   

       I like 'bakerettes' [Canuck] it sounds cute.
madradish, Feb 12 2003

       I'd much prefer a Jessica Rabbit voice to a Kathleen Turner voice.
beauxeault, Feb 12 2003

       consider yourself remonstrated with.
po, Dec 11 2003

       As far as I know, I'm continually logged on. I never have to re-log in, except when I get a new computer and have to regenerate all my cookies/temp pages.
phundug, Dec 11 2003

whatrock, Jun 17 2020

       Your idea in a pubescent stage.
blissmiss, Jun 17 2020


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