Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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The saga of a Halfbaker
  [vote for,

Forth from the classroom straightaway
All alone strode Haufwatha
Proudly, with his books in a satchel
Slung carelessly behind him
And the birds cooed around him
Hoping to catch his eye, for a date
Maybe to the dance on the morrow.
And the team, bouncing a ball
A man short, called out
But heeded he not, nor turn aside
For elsewhere, his thoughts were.

"Where do you want to go today?"
And his heart within him fluttered
As he took his seat, and gazed
On the message scrolling, again,
Across that darkened screen.
Then, as one in slumber did Haufwatha
Reach a hand out to the mouse
That lay inert on its pad
A left, and a right, and the screen
Did leap into sudden brilliance.

Far into the night did Haufwatha
Sit staring into that screen
Browsing all those web sites
Showing the great traditions,
The achievements of the crackers
The wisdom of the hackers
The craft of the bombers
The antics of the porn stars
Till the machine down the hall
Ran out of jolt cola
And so it was; time to go home.
Click! Click! The windows closed
Revealing others behind them.

Heavens! I need a pee!
Keeping his legs close together
To the washroom did Haufwatha
Shuffle, splashing in his haste
Everywhere but that receptacle
Of bright, white porcelain
A-waiting to safely dispose
That stream of pungent liquid.

Surely, a remedy awaits somewhere
Somebody has a solution
All for this problem; let me search -
Ah-Ha! - the LMSoM -
The School of Marksmanship
For Little Men - for short;
"May contain nuts" half a dollar -
That half-croissant on a plate;
"Anonymously; or get one and write!"

Click! Click! The links beckoned
And there unfolded ideas bizarre
Launched; and meeting sharp criticism.
Annotations to the right of them,
Annotations to what's left of them,
[M-F-D] tags below them,
"Not an idea" and fish skeletons
Piling up in neat rows
Where the author wanted croissants.
And there, within those stark pages
Were people carrying out, apparently,
"But wags, do you not agree - "
And so on, and so forth.

Thus it was that Haufwatha
Decide to join in haufbaking.
Clicked he in the user field
And typed a handle, a new, fresh one,
With fingers a-blur as he
Typed the **** into the password field.

"Start - Programs - Word"
For he wanted the spellings correct
And the grammar perfect
For those demanding people, out there.
Then, with his imagination
Did he elaborate on that idea,
That perfect, half baked idea,
That was possible, yet not possible
For interesting reasons.

When all was done, did Haufwatha
Insert an error here, and delete a letter there -
For it must seem as pristine
As unchecked by a spell-checker.

"New" "Add an idea" "OK"
And it ended up in Other/General.
And there it awaits, dear friends,
Haufwatha waiting for his dues,
Half ten half croissants.

neelandan, Jan 18 2003

7 ages... http://www.halfbake...s_20of_20Halfbakers
Yep, it's a bubba. [RayfordSteele, Oct 04 2004]

Hiawatha's photographing http://staff.washin...hology/lc_hiawa.htm
By Lewis Carrol [neelandan, Oct 04 2004]


       +, if not a bit odd.
bristolz, Jan 18 2003

       has anyone done The Seven Ages of Halfbakers yet? +1 for this.
po, Jan 18 2003

       Long from now, evolutionary biologists will point to this period in history where we began changing into long-fingered, bulging-eyed goblins with huge bladder capacities...   

       I thought 7 ages was a Bubba work. I could swear I've seen it. Maybe hiding in some anno. Yep. See link
RayfordSteele, Jan 18 2003

       Ha, ha, not half bad.
FarmerJohn, Jan 18 2003

       Lewis Carrol isn't a drug in my part of the country.
neelandan, Jan 19 2003

       "But it doesn't rhyme..."
waugsqueke, Jan 20 2003

       Then they joined and all criticized it,
Unrestrainedly fishboned it,
As the worst and ugliest idea
They could possibly have thought of.
"But it doesn't rhyme..." said one,
The other imaginary one,
In those half-conversations.
All together came their annotations,
Disdainful, bold, discordant annotations,
As of chicken that scratch in concert,
As of peacocks singing in chorus.

       But my Haufwatha's responses,
His polite, gentle rejoinders,
Unaccountably had no effect
And he left that web site.
Neither did he leave them gently,
Just logging out of his account,
With the calm deliberation,
The intense deliberation
Of a seasoned halfbaker.
But he left them forever,
In a mighty flurry,
Annotating in emphatic terms
What he'd be before he'd read it.
Hurriedly he selected "destroy",
Hurriedly he ok'd "are you sure",
Deleting his account,
His ideas,
His annotations,
His votes.
neelandan, Jan 20 2003

       I'm a-staying, blissy. Too bad my hero left.
neelandan, Jan 23 2003

       BobTheBaker was your hero?
jurist, Jan 23 2003


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