Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Hedonist party

We put the "party" in political party
  (+9, -7)
(+9, -7)
  [vote for,

The Hedonist Party's platform is centered around one pervasive social concern: the pursuit of pleasure. Our position on every issue begins with that concern. Many issues are still divisive, of course, like with any party platform, but the one underriding principle is ubiquitous:

Economic policy: Hands off of the small business. Prosecute to the fullest any business that infringes on its employee's rights. Large businesses are not included in our rights policy because they have no desire to have fun, to party, to appreciate the finer things in life, they only want to oppress the workers. So we will curb large business' tendency to exploit, overwork, underpay, and generally not appreciate its employees.

Civil liberty: We strive to promote the pleasure of all people of all races, colors, creeds, nationalities, sexual orientations, etc. As such, it will be illegal to -- and we will prosecute to the fullest any attempt by any authoritative body to -- be anal about your personal choices. There will no longer be any such thing as "victimless crimes".

Military power: We vow to fight for, and defend, your right to party.

Foreign policy: We strive to promote the pleasure of all people of all races, colors, creeds, nationalities, sexual orientations, etc. If there is a clear violation of a people's will to have fun occurring anywhere by any oppressive regime, corrective intervention will be considered.

Taxes: The state's main interest is in promoting and preserving our pleasure. As such, taxes are to be used first and foremost to that end. More money for public parks, more money for music and the arts. More money for public sporting and recreation issues. More holidays.

Abortion: The party is divided on this issue. While we promote sexual liberty, are not so concerned about so-called "family values", and all recognize that unwanted pregnancy is a serious detriment to pleasure, we disagree on the best way to promote these values. As with any party, it depends on where you stand about the life issue.

Gun control: Mostly divided, but there is consensus on the government leaving alone the legitimate sportsperson. A list of guns that are appropriate for hunting is agreed upon, and sacred with respect to legislation.

globaltourniquet, Jun 05 2001

Howard the Duck http://www.toonopedia.com/howard.htm
Ran for President in 1976 on the All-Night Party ticket. Perhaps you could get his donor list? [Uncle Nutsy, Jun 05 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]

natural law party http://www.natural-law.ca/nlp_home.htm
they can fly, too. [mihali, Jun 05 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Background on the Natural Law Party http://www.trancene...crets/meaning.shtml
What does the Transcendental Meditation sect that runs it mean by "Natural Law", anyway? [jutta, Jun 05 2001]


       Before anyone says "Baked: Liberatarian", while we are in agreement with them on many issues, this party is very different in one fundamental way: taxes. The Liberatarians would rid us of many of our state-provided pleasures: parks, stadiums, the NEA. We are diametrically opposed to them on this issue.
globaltourniquet, Jun 05 2001

       what is your policy on environment?
technobadger, Jun 05 2001

       Preservation of the environment is vital to the pleasure and pleasance of life. Businesses that are not environmentally conscious will be prosecuted. Littering is not victimless.   

       Again, we are _not_ Liberatarians. Liberatarians thinks big corporate entities should be included in liberty and rights considerations. We think they are mean, inconsiderate, impersonal behemoths that need to be controlled for the sake of our good times.
globaltourniquet, Jun 05 2001

       What is this, an attempt to break the world troll record?   

       Assuming it's not, what if my idea of fun is to "exploit, overwork, underpay, and generally not appreciate" my female, oriental, Christian employees? That's actually *not* my idea of fun, but isn't there some point at which you'll have to compromise some of your absolutes to accomodate different tastes for "pleasure?"
beauxeault, Jun 05 2001

       Where do I sign? I'm trying to get back into the modus operandi of: Laughing and Having a Good Time
thumbwax, Jun 05 2001

       Well there are some sacrifices, obviously. I believe it was the ultimate hedonist, Baal, in the play of the same name by Bertholt Brecht, who said "Nothing could be harder than the quest for fun."   

       And beauxeault, you are way off-topic. This is not an attempt to make everyone happy -- that is impossible. This is a political party. We have a definition of pleasure that is fairly all-embracing (what the majority of folks would agree to as pleasure), but it is strict. If your definition of pleasure is exploitation, then you don't belong in this party, go start your own. But you won't get many takers (although they will probably all be rich, and self-serving hedonists at that -- in fact that would be a good name for your* splinter party: the Self-Serving Hedonist Party).   

       *Not you, bx, obviously, but the "you" referred to in the above conditional statement: "If your definition..."
globaltourniquet, Jun 05 2001

       The point is, fun, pleasure and gratification to the greatest part of humanity are the highest ideals we strive for, and we are willing to put everything we have on the line for it. It is a noble cause.
globaltourniquet, Jun 05 2001

       A noble, global party indeed. Is there, however, a big fish lurking beneath the sunlit surface? This party must in principle support more fun and good times for third-world sweatshop workers, and therefore it must weigh the right of domestic party animals to wear Nike apparel (for instance) against the right of foreign workers to have a little time and money for partying. On a lighter note, the Church of the Subgenius provides religious support for "more slack" in life, and may complement the Hedonist Party. But of course the HP must be strictly secular.
Dog Ed, Jun 05 2001

       I'm certain Bob himself would promote the separation of church and state (but would his ministers be indisposed to some political contributions?)   

       As for Nike, yeah, they are on the HP large corporation scum list. Party in Berkenstocks (sp?) man, it's more casual anyway.
globaltourniquet, Jun 05 2001

       GT...boy, its hard to argue with the pursuit of happiness. I guess the tough question becomes: Do policies and platforms favor the happiness of the individual, or the overall collective happiness of the population? What's the measure? My personal happiness seems to be at odds with my bank's.
braineddy, Jun 06 2001

       shouldn't this be called the party party and have it's headquarters somewhere in southern california? no, wait a second...that was in the late '60's...
mihali, Jun 06 2001

       How is this different from the 'enlightened self-interest' espoused by Ayn Rand?
angel, Jun 06 2001

       I think that all of the croissant voters here have fallen into the trap of thinking that the persuit of pleasure is automatically A Good Thing. But over what timescale is my question to you. Life's choices nearly always seem to boil down to a small amount of pleasure now vs discomfort now followed by greater pleasure later.   

       The ethos of the HP appears to prevent any deferral of gratification and thus ultimately limit them to very minor pleasures eg. I'd like a margarita but going to the shops to buy tequila wouldn't be fun enough so I'll just stay here and 'enjoy' lying on my sofa.   

       Once the HP accepts the notion of deferral, the entire manifesto comes unravelled because virtually everything can be justified in terms of some ultimate reward, no matter how unpleasent it is to begin with.
gravelpit, Jun 06 2001

       OK people, get a clue here. This is not a philosophy, it is a political party. As such, its raison-d'etre is merely to enact legislation that supports and enforces the notion of letting folks have a good time. It means eliminating victimless crime, supporting programs that promote pleasure, etc. It has nothing to do with whether Joe Blow gets off his couch to obtain his pleasure or not. It has nothing to do with satisfying the need for pleasure of the sociopathic. It has nothing to do with the virtue of selfishness. It's a party that wants the government to let people and help people party.
globaltourniquet, Jun 06 2001

       Would this mean working to repeal anti-drug laws? What about lowering the drinking age? Repealing laws governing responsibility for drunken drivers (after all, if I'm throwing the party, I don't want to get chucked in jail for someone elses stupidity)?
Reverend D, Jun 06 2001

       Sounds like an excellent idea. Go through the legislation of most western countires and remove the drug laws, as well as all laws pertaining to consensual sex, etc etc. Of course, you would be violating several UN treaties, and they would probably slap sanctions on your ass, but you could probably get by ok, as long as the US didnt tell the media that your country was supplying drugs and had to be bombed and turn you into the next Iraq...<hehe> =)
Khaibit, Jul 20 2001

       Pleasure is me not paying taxes for someone else to use a park my paycheck helped pay for. You fall into the same fate as the Utility philosophies: Pleasure for who, the majority?
wix, Sep 23 2002

       Hedonist Air Pumpers   

       1998 Urban Legend   

       (16 April 1997) "The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of 'Pumping'," a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood." He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room. "Most 'Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God." Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover of darkness, he sneaked in.   

       Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot. As a result, he died virtually instantly, but passersby are still in shock. One woman thought she was watching a twilight fireworks display, and started clapping. "We still haven't located all of him.", say the police authorities. "When that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something." "Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to Satan," Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you."   

       Urban Legend Status conferred 31 Dec 97 Declared an urban legend by DarwinAwards.com on the following grounds: story reported on the internet with multiple dates of occurrence. Furthermore, it is impossible for methane in a person's rectum to explode when exposed to air. In the words of Thaddaeus A. Vick, "Ruptured colon I would believe." A reader of another Darwin Awards page recalls reading the story in the Funny Old World column of England's satirical Private Eye Magazine. Finally, a reader with a theological bent points out that a hospital spokesman in Thailand is unlikely to make references to God and Satan, which are not relevant to the largely non-theistic Buddhist population.   

       I found this story at www.darwinawards.com   

       Note the title. HEDONIST Air Pumpers   

       I DO NOT WANT THESE PEOPLE TO RUN OUR COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DesertFox, May 14 2004

       So don't vote for them. :P
Detly, May 15 2004

       We, the people of the hedonism party, support the signing of a bill that would make major corporations have drunk tuesdays with a mandatory 3 beer minimum for all of their employees.   

       We, the people of the hedonism party, demand more nudey bars and casinos, and we want 50% of all of our purchases within these sacred institutions to be tax deductable.   

       We, the people of the hedonism party, demand that the US lift the cigar ban against cuba.   

       We demand that prescription drugs are federally subsidized (with casino money) in order to make legal drugs ecconomically competitive with street drugs (which are now also legal).
quantum_flux, Jul 04 2007


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