Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Helter Skelter Egg Frier

roll up roll up, get your lovely eggs in a twist
  [vote for,

Helter Skelter Egg Frier is a miniature version of the famous fair-ground ride (see link), where the participant slides down a spiralled runner that gently circumnavigates the upright structure.

To use your new frier, you simply plug it in, and wait for a few minutes as the non-stick runner heats up, then pour on some oil and allow it to travel down the length of the track. Finally, crack open an egg and let it drop unto the upper part of the slide. As the egg slithers down the runner it cooks to perfection, ready to be scooped unto a plate at the bottom.

Collapsible camping fire variation under development.

xenzag, Feb 12 2011

Helter Skelter http://www.fairamus.../helter-skelter.jpg
there are numerous variations on this theme [xenzag, Feb 12 2011]

unto http://www.thefreedictionary.com/unto
[xenzag, Feb 12 2011]


       Rather than //scoop[ing] unto a plate at the bottom// this could perhaps slide down onto a waiting plate at the bottom. If it slides over a small perforated section then the oil can be recirculated. This would avoid the occasional yoke breakages which can occur from hurried scooping.   

       Not sure about the use of //unto// here...   

       forgot to add the [+]
TomP, Feb 12 2011

       I often use unto meaning "on".... it's an old habit that I don't intend abandoning.
xenzag, Feb 12 2011

       does it have a little toast mat?
po, Feb 12 2011

       I see problems, sadly.   

       There will be a balance between frictional forces (which will exist, unless some kind of oil-based "log flume" is used) and gravity.   

       If the slope and fricitility of the device is such as to convey the egg slowly, then it follows that the progress of the egg will also be unpredictable, and the egg will halt unpredictably.   

       Therefore, the slope needs to be such as to impart a healthy velocity to the sliding egg. I am guessing that a speed of 0.1m/s will be the lowest speed which can be maintained steadily and predictably.   

       Now, the average egg takes a good couple of minutes to cook, especially if it is not flipped or splashed. At 0.1m/s, this corresponds to some 12m of heated slope. I contend that this will be impractical in the average kitchen.   

       However, there are two solutions. One is to use a shorter helter skelter, but to rotate it so as to counteract the effective movement of the egg. Optical tracking, coupled to the rotator, can ensure that the egg remains on the helix for the optimal time; at the end of cooking, the rotation of the helix stops and the egg slides off onto the plate.   

       The second option is to learn something from microfluidics, specifically from droplet-handling. Make a helical pipe, a couple of inches in diameter, and set it on its side. Partially fill with oil, and introduce the egg into one end. The pipe then rotates about its horizontal axis, slowly conveying the egg (at a highly predictable rate) through the helix, until it pops out, archimedianesquely, at the far end.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 12 2011

       A rotational variation... how could anyone resist? Of course all problems would be solved if the egg was cracked into an appropriately designed little vehicle which negotiated the spiral journey descent at a controlled speed.
xenzag, Feb 12 2011

       Or..... (sorry, drugs are just kicking in for the day)....or....how about a levitational hot-air-fountain egg cooker?   

       You'd want one of those hot-air-gun paint strippers, but bigger. Crack the egg into the updraught, rack up the heat, and have the egg cook whilst suspended, skydiverically, in mid-air. At the critical moment, simply slip a plate underneath it, and - cello! - your egg is served.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 12 2011

       I have just posted another egg cooking device.... and I have more.... we could (for example) have The Great Cooking Egg Ski Jump Event, where the raw eggs travel down the replica ski slope on little oil filled sleighs, and are flame cooked in mid-air as they launch off at the climax of their descent, landing in perfectly cooked formation on the upward catching slopes.
xenzag, Feb 12 2011

       // impractical in the average kitchen //   

       Build a bigger kitchen and the eggs will beat a pathway to your door ...   

       // archimedianesquely //   

       "Noli tangere circulos ovos meos ...   

       // your egg is served //   

       .... if you whack it our of the airstream with a tennis racket ...   

       the rate of egg movement can be controlled by making the slide with many tiny holes through which hot air can be blown, to produce an air-bearing.
8th of 7, Feb 12 2011

       No need for either tennis racket or tiny hones in order to recover the air-supported egg.   

       If you have ever skydived (and I can only assume that the Bore do this frequently), you will know that you can cause someone to fall right out of the sky simply by positioning yourself beneath them, catching their air. The results are amusing and, at times, alarming.   

       By the same token, slipping a plate beneath your levitated egg will cause it to flop gently onto said plate.   

       However, I fear we are drifting some distance from [xenzag]'s original idea.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 12 2011

       xenzag must have a whole lotta chickens or something. All these eggs everywhere.
blissmiss, Feb 13 2011

       Yes, but which came first ?
8th of 7, Feb 13 2011

       Couldn't the problem of the ~12m of heated sope required be sorted out by simply sending it around the kitchen walls rather than a solid central column?   

       The egg could be put on a conveyor belt lifter (like an upright catapillar track)to get it to the ceiling. The egg is placed on fixed wire loop, and a hinged wire loop with a latch is brought down over the top of the egg (so that the more pointy end is just protruding upwards above the loop). When nearing the top, a sharp blade slices through the top fast enough that no pieces of eggshell end up inside the egg. The egg then goes over the top of the conveyor such that the edible part of the egg falls out unto a gutter which is connected to the conveyor through gears and a cam such that it lifts up every time an egg or empty holder comes past. This increase in angle will give the egg a speed boost for when it hits the heated squared-off-helix around the room.   

       After the eggshell has been emptied of its contents, it continues on to a similar gutter arrangement, to dump the shell into a bin, after the latch on the hinged loop has been released by another loop of wire, or similar other lump for the release catch to hit at the appropriate point next to the conveyor.
TomP, Feb 13 2011

       Hmm. Thing is, I think you'd need a slope of at least 20 degrees to maintain transport. Over 12 meters, you'll be wanting a 4m tall kitchen. Not a major problem, I suppose, unless you live in one of those ghastly post-1600's buildings.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 13 2011

       I want one!
saedi, Feb 15 2011

       //one of those ghastly post-1600's buildings// It would seem, [MB], that unless you deign to assign some bit of advanced communication technology to the egg-cracking scullion up on the south rampart, you'll still not know when to expect the descending ova gallinarum.
lurch, Feb 15 2011

       Don't be ridiculous. The south rampart is used for deep- frying, since the boiling oil is there already.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 15 2011

       If the slide part of the helter-skelter was actually a circular belt type of thing then the 'slide' could be moved in the opposite direction to the egg, thus utilising friction to keep the egg in an apparently stationary position until it was cooked, at which point the belt stops moving and the egg slides down. The tricky bit is the oil because a) the belt will have to move at a hell of a lick in order to stop the egg sliding out of its relative position on the helter skelter leading to b) hot oil splashing around all over the place.

PS: I feel sorely tempted to draw up a plan of Maxwell Towers based on the numerous hints, clues and nuggets of information that are randomly sprinkled throughout the 'bakery. There must be a game in it somewhere. Some sort of treasure hunt perhaps.
DrBob, Feb 15 2011

       If you succeed, can you mail me a copy? We've never entirely got to grips with the geometry of the west wing.   

       The real problem is keeping it up to date. Apparently last week we had a demolition team in removing the northern bell-tower to make way for the observatory. Did anyone tell me? Did they heck. Of course, I'm usually in the south wing at this time of year, so I knew nothing about it until a lorry driver asked me where to leave the hardcore. Even then it was several minutes before I realized what he meant.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 15 2011

       Yes, we spent a long time sorting out the staircase in the South-East wing. We kept sending builders in, never bloody saw them again. Mind you, that's builders.   

       Uncle Ted had his faults, but....actually no, he just had his faults.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 15 2011


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