Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Horror movie escort service

Wowsers, that was scary!
  [vote for,

You know who you are: You like horror movies. You know the unwritten law that watching horror movies should be done in the company of a woman.

Too lazy, shy, or aesthetically challenged to score dates easily?

Tired of shelling out hundreds of dollars on regular escorts just so you can see the latest installation of Olson Twins creepiness... or whatever you consider to be horror... only to become hopelessly distracted fifteen minutes into the film, and spending even more than you expected?

Unsatisfied with the conversation from your blow up doll?

Not to worry, professional horror movie escort service tecnicians are now available. These highly trained ladies are anxiously awaiting your call.

Our service provides women who are highly conversant in matters of all horror movies except the one you are about to watch, which they somhow have "not yet gotten around to", but which they've "always wanted to see." They'll understand all of your jokes, but will never give away the ending.

Our service providers are less visually stunning than regular escort service girls. They also know how and when to keep their hands to themselves. Thus they do not demand such high prices, and you'll never miss a scene.

Choose for yourself, from chubby and cringing for that soft teddy bear effect, tall and tonselly for those big screams, or skinny and scared, for hours of lap sitting without cutting off your circulation. Special discounts may apply for hiring pairs or small groups.

we also feature a selection of regular service providers with extra training, for more mature and wealthy audiences.

Ladies, ask us about our lineup of male service providers. Not quite as strong and silent as the regular male escorts, but a whole lot cheaper. These professionals will pick you up at your time of choice, talk uncomfortably with the parents if desired, do the driving, and even check for burglars on the return trip. Surcharges may apply for tucking you in, reading a calming bedtime story, calling within a week, or other extra services.

ye_river_xiv, Aug 15 2007

here's one for you http://www.utexas.e...age/halloween15.jpg
[xandram, Aug 15 2007]

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       //Unsatisfied with the conversation from your blow up doll?// - you mean you think your's can talk? (Backs away slowly - leaves croissant as a delaying tactic)
xenzag, Aug 15 2007

       I thought this was escorts FOR women, Damn!
po, Aug 15 2007

       [po] there are male escorts widely available. They are usually hired to accompany wealthy business women to parties in order to give the impression that they have a stable social life outside of work, or to dinner parties at which everyone is coupled etc. I'm sure they could accompany you to the movies, should you need a big strong arm to squeeze during the scary bits.   

       Also worth mentioning is that male escorts have been trained from a young age to fla-BOO!!!   

       Did I scare ya?
theleopard, Aug 15 2007

       hehehe. I think an escort service from scary movie houses to cars or even home should be provided. a girl can get pretty spooked after such a movie.
k_sra, Aug 15 2007

       Sign me the f*ck up for this one. Right now. Put me on the list. Do I need to submit a credit app or something? Is there going to be an incentives package, like every 10 dates gets you the 11th for free? Anyway, I will bun the hell out of this idea.
Noexit, Aug 15 2007

       //I thought this was escorts FOR women, Damn!//   

       For a mere $1,00 or so I can be in London by tomorrow. I'll use any extra to escort you to and from the scary movies of your choice...   

       Of course, I'll have to do it all by cab. "wrong" side of the road and all... You wouldn't want me to drive anyway.
ye_river_xiv, Aug 15 2007

       //calling within a week// - That'll cost ya.
wagster, Aug 16 2007


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