Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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IKEA Porn Caravan(TM)

Spin-off business plan, monopolising on the "bored dutiful husband" market.
  (+26, -9)(+26, -9)
(+26, -9)
  [vote for,

Furniture-giant IKEA has acknowledged that children get bored during long shopping trips. For this reason, they run a children's play area next to the front door. I believe I have spotted a chink in IKEA's marketing armour. A simple glance around the store reveals that many of the men are simply wandering around passively, nodding their heads in agreement. It is in IKEA's interest to keep these men coming back for more.

It is in IKEA's interest to allow the IKEA Porn Caravan to set up shop in the parking lot.

The caravan would charge aggressively low prices for a sideshow of low budget but progressive and stylish filth. Probably from Sweden.

The idea is still in its infancy - I haven't even approached venture capitalists or second-hand van dealers yet - so I would be very grateful for the sharp business advice of the other halfbakers...

KB2, Mar 26 2001

Satisfaction - Ben Benassi http://youtube.com/watch?v=RDfR0aQaINc
Sales at IKEA went through the door [marklar, Aug 02 2007]

Banned Ikea Commercial http://www.youtube....watch?v=BWupot6YZSU
Looks like they're already thinking in those kinds of terms... [Ander, Aug 03 2007]

IKEA Hostel http://k-srasra.blo...-till-you-drop.html
Spend the night, why doncha? [k_sra, Aug 03 2007]


       Knowing Ikea, it would probably be "do it yourself" porn.
centauri, Mar 26 2001

       'fraid someone's beaten you to the Ikea/caravan idea. About 1 year ago some gypsies/travellers couldn't get onto a local council site so set up camp in Ikea car park at Gateshead Metro Centre, they were there for weeks. This is true! So, as well as buying a Billy bookcase you could have your fortune told and buy some scrap metal. (not true) Anyway, my husband always wants to go in to Ikea and lurk for the cheap hot dogs.
soodyer, Mar 26 2001

       The "bored dutiful husband" observation just dawned on me after you mentioned it. I think a couple of TV's tuned to sports in the cafe's would do the trick.
iuvare, Mar 27 2001

       [centauri], isn't porn "do-it-yourself" by default?
ping, Mar 27 2001

       Fact: The Boredom Factor (BF) cannot be suppressed, unless the relationship is still in its infancy. Once out of that, it is physically impossible to not want to be someplace else while the female oohs and aahs over all the rocks in the cave. Why this is...and how BF can be resolved to a simple formula would be worthy of a Nobel Prize. Inanimate objects hold little sway over men unless they make noise or spew forth things on some other sensory level. If a shoe could make motorcycle sounds, then a man might be interested in hanging out at a shoe store, same thing for IKEA. If the bookcases, spoons, pillows whirred and clicked and otherwise were ingenious in their complexity rather than their simplicity then men wouldn't be in need of outside BF relief.
thumbwax, Mar 27 2001

       great idea
stanton, Mar 27 2001

       Interesting, even titillating, idea. Perhaps you could provide a simple viewing screen and control panel connected to a worldwide database of anatomically uncensored images... Oh wait that's the Internet. Sorry.
Dog Ed, Apr 18 2001

       You guys speak for yourselves...I just want an adult-sized play area...with a really big ball room.
grackle, May 12 2001

       I think the TV idea is a great one. But I think that they should be throughout the whole store ( preferably along those pathways that herd you to the registers), and cordless headphones should be issued at the door. That way men can see and hear play by play sports action.
soulaar, Aug 14 2001

       but IKEA dosen't have to worry about the men wanting to come back, they will always be dragged along by their wives or girlfreinds. who would not be pleased by the porn caravan.
i-Mer, Mar 18 2005

       I like that it is a caravan, which implies a motely, semiorganized crew of vendors and proprietors, and maybe camels.
bungston, Mar 18 2005

       Stylish Swedish filth is a winner every where. Why not put it in video format for the bored better halfs to try out the comfort of the sofas?
hassabrass, Aug 02 2007

       All you need is a couple of Swedish women in one of the beds. They could be under the covers, not actually doing anything to eachother but it would be enough to trigger the interest of a guy. Plus he would want to buy the bed just so he could remember the scene in private later on. This would be child-safe too as they'd just think they were friends having a sleepover.
marklar, Aug 02 2007

       I like [marklar]'s version the best. When I was living in Manchester there was a billboard advertising the Ideal Home Exhibition. Right in the middle of the billboard there was a bed (real) with a rather pretty girl (real) in it, smiling and waving at passers-by. Made my day it did.
wagster, Aug 02 2007

       The IKEA Porn Caravan could show videos of naked Swedish women assembling flat-pack furniture. Educational *and* erotic.
hippo, Aug 02 2007

       Thumbwax:"If a shoe could make motorcycle sounds, then a man might be interested in hanging out at a shoe store,"   

       Once again Thumbwax has wow'd me with his wisdom.
dentworth, Aug 02 2007

       [hippo] great idea, all done to the tune of 'Satisfaction' [linked](the Benny Benassi version, but without the Stephen Hawkings voice)   

       Hold me, And then just screw me, Till I can get my, flat-pack-bed-done, flat-pack-bed-done, flat-pack-bed-done.
marklar, Aug 02 2007

       Blimey, [KB2] - that's your third idea in six years. Glad it's a goodie.
wagster, Aug 02 2007

       [marklar] Yes.
hippo, Aug 02 2007

       great idea... although the porno connotation might not be too popular with the distaff side... how about a workshop area where we can operate loud machinery and get sawdust on our clothes?
afinehowdoyoudo, Aug 02 2007

       I really like the idea of having an area in large stores for men to just sit and watch TV while the wife shops.
twitch, Aug 02 2007

       // Are there any women on this thread? //   

       dentworth and I. Ikea has just gone hostel. (see link) this would just be the next step toward Ikea hookers and Ikea STD's and the like.
k_sra, Aug 03 2007

       Busty McBigguns HaH! never heard that before.   

       Hi K.
dentworth, Aug 03 2007

       (hi dent. good to see you again)
k_sra, Aug 03 2007

       <Whose line is it anyway>Swedish Porn</WLIIA>
Cuit_au_Four, Aug 07 2007

       Yeah, you could create an IKEA with porn....and hookers....and blackjack!   

       You know what? Screw the IKEA and blackjack.   

       [bender rocks]
WhereYouAt, Jul 22 2008


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