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Ice Flail

No, sorry, not a D&D weapon.
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(+9, -3)
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Most of us have heard that riddle where a man is murdered with an icicle, and only a pool of water is left as evidence. That always sounded stupid to me. I never thought ice would be that sharp or hold up to a direct thrust to the chest. What if it hits a rib? Then thats you fucked, standing there with a dull hunk of ice and an nervous look.

Instead, take two average sized bowls, fill them with water and freeze them. Take the the ice chunks out of the bowls and insert them into a large elastic tube sock, flat sides touching to make a roughly spherical shape. Let the police figure out how you killed a man with a damp sock.

notmarkflynn, Mar 20 2006


       The icicle must be fired from a crossbow to be effective.   

       Wouldn't a crossbow be a bit of a clue next to a corpse with a gaping chest wound and a puddle of bloody water?
Loris, Mar 20 2006

       You may be right.
I must consult the oracle.

       How about sticking the corpse-to-be in the freezer? Then when they're frozen solid, you could simply knock the head off, thaw the body out, and give Miss Marple a real run for her money.   

       (Most of the ingenous plot devices used in mystery stories wouldn't cause the police much grief at all: they'd simply do what they always do, and grill all the likely suspects. They say the way to commit a "perfect" murder is to pick someone you don't know entirely at random; but then the murder's not much use to you at all, is it, so how can it be perfect?)
DrCurry, Mar 20 2006

       I'm sure the dudes in CSI will solve this without too many worries (apart from their lack of hairnets, too much make-up and crazy-ass CG effects to confuse them). Being hit with ice no doubt leaves certain types of injuries. I also wouldn't discount the effect of a rock hard icicle being driven into someone's chest. If you want to avoid a rib, stab them in the gut, kidneys or throat.
Jinbish, Mar 20 2006

       bigsleep: I guess the victim will be iced, while the suspects will get the third degree.
DrCurry, Mar 20 2006

       It could be a D&D weapon, if you take the right assassin bonus feat.
Almafeta, Mar 20 2006

       Just use DRY ICE (frozen CO2). When it melts there is no puddle...   

       Like the lady who hung herself by standing on a block of dry ice and pushing it away. When the police arrived they arrested her husband because she was left hanging in the middle of an empty room with her legs dangling 3 feet above the floor.   

       It wasn't until they interviewed the local butcher that the purchase was discovered.   

       (probably an old wives tale - no pun intended)
Braindead, Mar 20 2006

       <nemesis>This is a terrible idea. What do you expect from someone who was born to inbred dogs? Murdering someone with a sphere of ice in a sock? You might as well shoot a small chunk of compressed air at them.</nemesis>
dbmag9, Mar 24 2006

       not clever!
po, Mar 24 2006

       1. Why does it have to be a sphere? Why not just a big chunk?   

       2. Why does there have to be a sock? Just whack your victim with the ice.   

       3. WTF, anyway?? This is an invention?
bungston, Mar 26 2006

       Weapons are not inventions. Killing a man is nothing new.
angrygoatface, Mar 26 2006

       //How about sticking the corpse-to-be in the freezer//   

       You could, but freezing someone, knocking the head off, and letting it thaw would leave little markers or whatever you call thems, so that a CSI person could figure out that cause of death was freezing, then someone just knocked off its head and allowed it to thaw to try and cover it up.   

       And where would you get a big enough freezer? Sure, butchers have them, but people would notice if you just bought a body-sized freezer on a whim.   

       I always thought that the perfect murder was when you have a SUV with a front bar thing, a secluded country lane, and just some random person who was walking along. ie - auto-homicide.
froglet, Mar 26 2006

       //Weapons are not inventions. Killing a man is nothing new.//   

       That's not a fair definition of 'invention'. You can oppose murder all you want, but at least have enough detachment to recognize ingenuitive murder. I mean, this idea is fairly run-of-the-mill, I admit, but there's some really fresh, exciting ways to murder out there today.
notmarkflynn, Apr 27 2012

       Name two. No, wait - Let me go find [dbmag9] first. Don't do anything just yet.
normzone, Apr 27 2012

       Speaking abstractly, mind you:   

       The old ways are the best ways. When comitting murder, it's not a good idea to experiment, because under the worst circumstances failure leaves the victim with the opportunity to murder you.   

       In the modern world, forensics have advanced to the point that it is impossible to avoid leaving evidence, so it's back to basics for all would-be uncaught murderers. Dedicate your considerable genius to establishing two strong alibis: a solid reason for your DNA turning up at the scene/on the victim ("I can't believe he's dead! Why, I gave him a big hug just earlier that day! Oh, Thomas, Thomas, no!") and another reason why you couldn't have been there at the time ("I was at the opera with six of my closest friends. And the Mayor. And his wife. Oh, and his gardener. Hang on, I might have the ticket stub in my tux jacket."). Don't frig around with untested methods, just stab the poor bugger in the back and make sure you're seen elsewhere while you're doing it. Then wash your hands.   

       Also, and this I say from first-hand experience, it takes a lot of practice to learn how to effectively wield a flail without hurting yourself. It's a battlefield weapon, best used from horseback after you've broken your lance and/or dropped your sword.   

       If you must murder somebody with ice, buy a party block at the gas station and bash their skull in with it.   

       There, I'm done being unpleasant.   

       For the moment.   

Alterother, Apr 27 2012

       Just use a big freakin' nuke. Eliminate the victim, the evidence, the culprit, the motive, the method, the investigators, the witnesses, the crime scene...
lurch, Apr 27 2012

       Well, yes, if one has access to a nuclear weapon, it would be the obvious choice. Better yet if it's Israeli, since Israeli nukes don't exist...
Alterother, Apr 27 2012


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