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Iceskater Stylus

always glides along in the right groove
  [vote for,

I have a Linn Axis turntable. It's a fine piece of equipment delivering brilliant hi-fidelity sound (unlike the compressed digital rubbish most people listen to now now) but it needs a new stylus.

Instead of the usual cartridge, I am proposing a little skating figure as its new stylus. Poised on one leg, the skate resting in the record groove is diamond tipped and behaves in exactly the same way as that of a standard cartridge. As the record spins, the figure makes its way tangentially across its surface in perfect motion.

Male and female figure options are provided, along with picture discs of any record now featuring photographs of ice scarred rinks on their surfaces.

Super deluxe version features two diamond tipped skating legs that are in a constant interchange action, like that of a real skater, with a continuous sound signal being generated.

xenzag, Jan 18 2023

novelty record players https://www.whathif...l-turntable-designs
[pocmloc, Jan 18 2023]

A challenge for your skaters https://turntablere...-calibration-record
[a1, Jan 18 2023]


       The thing that you will notice about all of these novelty record players is that (apart from the laser one) they all use a standard cartridge. I think it is not just the actual jewel-tip needle which picks up the audio from the record surface, but the entire assembly of tip, arm and coils.   

       So I think your statement that your design will //behaves in exactly the same way as that of a standard cartridge// is incorrect.   

       I think a way to get this to work would be to have a novelty non-functional figure mounted on the tone arm beside or concealing the actual cartridge and stylus, but that would be "naff" (like the wee VW bus record player).
pocmloc, Jan 18 2023

       [+] but how will you set the anti-skate adjustment?
a1, Jan 18 2023

       I think what bothers me most, is that I use ice skaters as my mental model of angular momentum, particularly the starting a wide circle then narrowing it quickly to rapidly increase the RPM while conserving the energy in the system. Records spin at a rather irritatingly constant 33 RPM for that.
bs0u0155, Jan 18 2023

       That's true but the speed of the skater measured against the surface of the record constantly changes.
xenzag, Jan 18 2023

       Yes, it goes down, which is the wrong way around.
bs0u0155, Jan 18 2023

       I'm sure there are records that play in reverse, and you can place the skater in the central groove area so that they will gradually accelerate as they move towards the outer edge.
xenzag, Jan 18 2023

       // I'm sure there are records that play in reverse //   

       Yes, but all they say is "Turn me on, dead man."
a1, Jan 18 2023

       I love the visual of this and would buy it for my husband. He cherishes his turntable more than me. I'm quite sure.   

       I would sit and watch the skater, and when she slipped I'd sigh, and when the album was over I would give the skater her score, clap for a moment, and then I'd prepare for the next skater.
blissmiss, Jan 19 2023

       How nice. But have you thought of dressing up a turntable yourself? I'm sure your husband would love to see you bringing him his breakfast in bed, attired as a high end Thorens turntable equipped with an SME pick up arm.
xenzag, Jan 19 2023


       Can it do a triple lutz in the pauses?
Voice, Jan 21 2023

       Or attired in anything, really. I think it's the "breakfast in bed" part that counts. How should she dress to nag him?
Voice, Jan 21 2023


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