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Insult Sumo

You're ugly and your ideas are dull.
  (+24, -3)(+24, -3)(+24, -3)
(+24, -3)
  [vote for,

Similar to Insult Tennis. But where Insult Tennis is a refereed contest of artistic maneuvers, Insult Sumo is scientifically measured.

The game takes place amidst two contestant sitting across from each other, on a table, strapped to blood pressure monitors whose readings are visible to both of them, as well as the audience that is seated boxing-ring-style [thanks, CF] around them. The objective of the game is to raise the blood pressure of your opponent above a certain point, using only words, while remaining perfectly calm yourself.

Unlike Insult Tennis, where creative and outrageous expletives score, the determining factor in Insult Sumo is the precise knowledge of an opponent's vulnerabilities, and the attention to the small raises in blood pressure that give them away. For that reason, Insult Sumo fighters jealously guard their privacy, and their coaches often employ private detectives to ferret out an opponent's weak spots.

jutta, Feb 19 2008

Insult Tennis Insult_20tennis
[jutta, Feb 19 2008]

Mindball brain football http://www.vivifeye...0Needs%20London.pdf
"The unique Mindball game does away with aggressive competing – to score goals it’s mind over matter and the most chilled-out brain wins. Players sit at either end of a specially-designed table, wearing a velcro-fastened headband that scans their brainwaves in the form of alpha and theta waves, which indicate a person’s state of focus and relaxation. Mindball translates these signals into movement of a ball on the table – the more focussed and relaxed player moves the ball towards his or her opponent’s goal." [zen_tom, Feb 19 2008]

Mindball http://www.mindball.se/product.html
Might make a good basis for implementation. [zen_tom, Feb 19 2008]

World Stare Out Championships http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=SWgg20IqibM
Reminds me of this... for some reason. [Jinbish, Feb 19 2008]

Insult Swordfighting in "The Secret of Monkey Island". http://www.worldofm...elp/insults/mi1.php
"Wow! You’re good enough to fight the Sword Master." [Amos Kito, Feb 19 2008]

History Today http://www.micaelit...storytoday/ed.shtml
[hippo, Feb 20 2008]


       When insulted, the strategic player becomes more relaxed, smiles gently and reduces their blood pressure, so as to further irritate their opponent.
hippo, Feb 19 2008

       //boxing-rink-style// Is that like some sort of frozen sheet of custard or are you making a joke about Japanese wrestlers trying to say boxing link?   

       <raises [jutta]'s blood pressure with a one-two-three insult of pedantry, custard me-tooism and insinuation of racism>   

       By the way, how did you know I'm ugly?
ConsulFlaminicus, Feb 19 2008

       Of course, I'd already worked out [jutta] meant "Boxing Ring", not "Boxing Rink"...
hippo, Feb 19 2008

       //Of course, I'd already worked out [jutta] meant "Boxing Ring", not "Boxing Rink"...//
Boxing on ice...hmmm <rubs chin>
coprocephalous, Feb 19 2008

       I presume there's a meshed grill separating the two contestants within this insult dohyo?
skinflaps, Feb 19 2008



       That's how I'd win, anyway.
theleopard, Feb 19 2008

       It would be fun. To watch.   

       <picks up ear trumpet> "What's that you said? I've won?"</puet>
Ling, Feb 19 2008

       This is the worst idea I've ever seen posted on this crummy site, and whoever posted it must be the greatest dullard since Thick Mick O'Stupid. [+]
coprocephalous, Feb 19 2008

       This appears to me to be how many people approach the internet.
calum, Feb 19 2008

       Unabubba's blood pressure would explode merely if his opponent never showed up!   

       Good one Jutta, thanks for the laugh. (sorry I'm all out of insults today)
dentworth, Feb 19 2008

       [Amos]: I am rubber, you are glue.
Jinbish, Feb 19 2008

       So, rather like a political debate then; two broadly smiling dolts trading mud, with blood pressure monitors. I think my arm would get sore after awhile.
RayfordSteele, Feb 19 2008

       Can you only use insults to raise an opponent's blood pressure?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 19 2008

       I was thinking about that. Maybe there should be a separate strip tease league.   

       // I think my arm would get sore after awhile.
Yeah, that's a problem. Is there some way of monitoring a person's blood pressure that doesn't hurt as much?
Or we can just switch to EEGs. I have no idea whether those are comparable, though.
jutta, Feb 19 2008

       I'd been doing this in freestyle battles for years but I had never seized on the blood pressure monitor concept. That lends a whole new dimension to the thing.
gabrielsnew, Feb 20 2008

       Good idea. You could hold it in a bar and require users to drink a pint for every mmHg they increase.
vincevincevince, Feb 20 2008

       This reminds me of the "History Today" sketch (linked), where, every week, two crusty old academics would politely and calmly insult each other.
hippo, Feb 20 2008

       [hippo], you know that Baddiel bloke, the less talented one from Newman and Baddiel?
zen_tom, Feb 20 2008

       I am familiar with his work, yes.
hippo, Feb 20 2008

       You see his goatee beard?
zen_tom, Feb 20 2008

       I believe he does affect that style of facial hair.
hippo, Feb 20 2008

       That's you that is. That's your Mum.
zen_tom, Feb 20 2008

       I see. You know that old tweed jacket Newman wore in that sketch?
hippo, Feb 20 2008

       Yes, I am aware of said article.
zen_tom, Feb 20 2008

       The one with the crusty old leather elbow patches and the stains of something which might be wee on it?
hippo, Feb 20 2008

       Ahh yes, leather elbow patches and stains, yes I remember it clearly.
zen_tom, Feb 20 2008

       That's yours that is. That's the best jacket you can afford. That's the smartest bit of clothing you've got.
hippo, Feb 20 2008

       Hmmm, I see. I think it's time we got back to the idea. [+] Oh, you see that bone?
zen_tom, Feb 20 2008

       //You're ugly and your ideas are dull// Calmly responds by thanking the opponent for the compliment. +
xenzag, Feb 20 2008

       'Your ugly and you're ideas are dull.'
[st3f sits back and watches his rivals' BP monitors.]

       I like the idea of being able to eliminate you opponent by means other than insults. Lewd suggestions could be fun, too.
st3f, Feb 23 2008

       The firecrackers I've taped under your seat should be going off, right...about...   


       <Dangles useless stub of fizzing fuse in [2 fries] face, grins smugly>
8th of 7, Feb 23 2008

       Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I have just been informed your mother-in-law will be moving in with you *forever*, and of course she will be bringing her little Yorkie Cedric. You remember Cedric, don't you? Yaps all night, humps your leg all day, thinks your slippers are a litter box?   

       Oh, and this just in - your boss says you won't be getting that promotion you really do deserve after all your years of hard work and dedication. He's giving the job to his son instead. Yes, that clumsy smelly clueless bumbling git gets your well-paid cushy supervisory position and the corner office that goes with it.   

       And did I mention that your favourite sports team has just been sold off? Seems the owner passed away and his heirs wanted to make a quick buck. They're moving to Toronto.   

       Just one more thing - beer has been declared an addictive substance by the Board of Health and all citizens are limited to one-half liter per month.
Canuck, Feb 23 2008


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