Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Insult tennis

Insults in a tennis style
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This is a game for 2 or 4 players and 1 umpire. It can be played in 2 teams of 1 or 2 teams of 2. Each team takes it in turn to insult a member of the other team, and the scores are incremented in the style of tennis (i.e. 15/30/40/GAME). If both teams have 40 points, we go to a tennis-style deuce (i.e. advantage -> game). We play 5 sets of 10 games each. Each set must be won by 2 clear games. || The scoring system is exactly the same as normal tennis.

One difference though: if an insult for 1 team does not qualify for a point, the point does NOT automatically go to the other team. In this event, no points are awarded, unlike tennis.

Plagiarised insults shall lead to a 1-point penalty. For example, 'You donkey-raping shit-eater' (from the South Park movie) would take someone from a score of 30 to a score of 15. A score of 0 would be unaffected, as negative scores get too difficult to handle.

The job of the umpire is to judge whether or not the insult is worthy of the point, and to update the scores accordingly. For example, an insult of 'You smell' would not get you the point. An insult of 'You are an ugly Italian hotelier who's father was a cross-dressing Iraqi terrorist', however, would certainly qualify for the point.

The umpire should look for, among other things, the following qualities in an insult: -Plain insultingness | -General randomness | -Humour | -Extra adjectives | -Originality.

The game is best played in public so as to better judge the offensiveness of insulting remarks.

NickTheGreat, Jul 04 2002

The Dozens http://www.africana...Articles/tt_019.htm
An introduction for those not familiar with the term. [phoenix, Jul 04 2002]

The Game of Questions http://www.ralentz....e-of-questions.html
From Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. [DrBob, Jul 04 2002]

Ultimate Redwall Insult Archive http://www.silverpe...ideout/insults.html
[phoenix, Jul 04 2002]

Maledicta Press http://www.sonic.net/maledicta/
[phoenix, Jul 04 2002]

InsultMonger.com http://www.insultmonger.com/
Click the 'Yo Momma' link for some dozens. [phoenix, Jul 04 2002]

Deliver the Dis http://www.thespark...Deliver_the_Dis.exe
An insult generator from the lovely folks at thespark.com [mighty_cheese, Jul 04 2002]

Youtube insult generator http://mashable.com...e-insult-generator/
[theircompetitor, Oct 26 2011]

[link]






       <mental note> remember italian hotelier insult <mental note >
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits for all eternity.
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       *** UnaBubba 30 - 15 kaz ***   

       .oO( Somebody has AutoInsult? )Oo.
NickTheGreat, Jul 04 2002
  

       You are the illegitimate whelp of a tavern-whore who serviced diseased camel-drivers for profit and diseased camels for pleasure.
angel, Jul 04 2002
  

       Not borderline. Also not great, in any normally accepted sense of the word.
angel, Jul 04 2002
  

       Your mother was so ugly, the only way she got laid was to fuck pigs.   

       Furthermore, the pigs had to be blindfolded.   

       Also, your mother was so randy, her undergarments smelt of smokey bacon.
yamahito, Jul 04 2002
  

       UnaBubba: They're gone, I was only trying to help the less insultially-gifted of us. *IMPLIES NOTHING*
NickTheGreat, Jul 04 2002
  

       NTG: that wasn't an insult - OUT!   

       may your left ear whither and fall into your right pocket (since we're on a Nancy McPhee-ish theme..)
yamahito, Jul 04 2002
  

       May 131 transexual Pakistani whoares gatecrash your wife's baby shower
NickTheGreat, Jul 04 2002
  

       who spat in your test-tube?
yamahito, Jul 04 2002
  

       Who licked your foot covered in tomato ketchup and swiss cheese, you shit-smelling elf-raper??
NickTheGreat, Jul 04 2002
  

       May your mouth always taste of the rancid toenail cheese of a hundred lepurs.
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       May 12 elephants stamp on your carefully constructed lego town
NickTheGreat, Jul 04 2002
  

       May the full wrath of the god of faeces be exerted upon your head
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       [UnaBubba]: You call that an insult, you bedraggled Indian sloth?
NickTheGreat, Jul 04 2002
  

       I certainly do you moronic piece of monkey rectum
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       Kaz you malodorous Swedish farmer the comment was not directed at you (see edit)
NickTheGreat, Jul 04 2002
  

       Nick, you could be out-insulted by a glass of water
yamahito, Jul 04 2002
  

       Sorry [NickTheGreat], I shall be more cautious next time.
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       Hey! [yamahito] don't talk about my sister like that.
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       :P
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       This game is great, gives me an excuse to think of as many horrible sounding things as possible (I hope no-one takes them seriously)
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       Does anyone think this is significantly different than playing Dozens?
phoenix, Jul 04 2002
  

       What is Dozens you gibberish speaking mongrel?
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       then baked, you usurper of other culture's ideas!
yamahito, Jul 04 2002
  

       Your insults are as intellectual as the pope is Dutch
kaz, Jul 04 2002
  

       Reminiscent of the Game of Questions from the Tom Stoppard play 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead' (see link). This idea has been baked at a couple of gaming conventions that I've been to and has also been half-baked here before. However, as I can't find the original post, I will not m-f-d this. Oh damn! Love fifteen. No insult.

Footnote: I'm no expert on the subject but wasn't the insult game also the origin for rap?
DrBob, Jul 04 2002
  

       First Russian phrase I learned while in college: Gloop kak poop pushoki, which means 'stupid as bellybutton lint.'
RayfordSteele, Jul 04 2002
  

       My fairy godmother says you are a devil worshipping Viking.   

       Let Jebus shout it from the mountain tops that you have crabs.
mighty_cheese, Jul 04 2002
  

       May your mongrel syphilitic grandchildren eat your worm riddled bowels on toast with ketchup.
madradish, Jul 04 2002
  

       A dear friend said this *quite* loudly to our Armenian neighbors when they made constant racket starting early in the morning every single day until he moved out:
Your Grandfather is a Turk! And he wasn't even an Officer!
thumbwax, Jul 05 2002
  

       Interesting how many people find it necessary to use ethnic/national terms in framing insults..we have italian, pakistani, indian,swedish, viking, turk. You Americans! :D
pfperry, Jul 05 2002
  

       [UnaBubba] don't say that sort of thing to me you sock-sucking Orang-utan   

       [pfperry] you appear to have forgotten Iraqi   

       (see below) Happy?
NickTheGreat, Jul 05 2002
  

       ... if I may say, you could only improve upon your obvious perfection, if, perchance, your rectal sphincter should take its rightful place, firmly below your throat....
Johnny Mash, Jul 05 2002
  

       I thought you said sock sucker, then, which actually would have been more funny than tedious, for a change (yawn)
yamahito, Jul 05 2002
  

       And what is that difference then you pedantic hookworm-resembling old-lady-smelling rancid moronic cock-jockey?   

       **That insult wouldn't get a point by the way
NickTheGreat, Jul 05 2002
  

       Have another gorilla cookie, you incontinent sac of typhus.   

       Actually, this is a pretty stupid idea. And is the "nick" in your username a verb?
waugsqueke, Jul 05 2002
  

       What are you implying, you undersized bulging bag of vermin excrement? And no, by the way. Despite its stupidity, just look at how much fun it's giving us.
NickTheGreat, Jul 05 2002
  

       May twenty thousand pole-trolls continually prod you up the arse with inane ideas.
RayfordSteele, Jul 05 2002
  

       May twenty thousand Resarf's continually prod you up the arse with pole-pants (see link).
NickTheGreat, Jul 05 2002
  

       Now see, that's just copying. "Nicking" the great, as it were. You call that insulting, you diarrhetic wolverine offspring?
waugsqueke, Jul 05 2002
  

       No, and I apologise, you hideous Israeli sheep whose biology teacher was a hamster. May 3 incompetent brain surgeons engage in intercourse with your gully emptying truck.
NickTheGreat, Jul 05 2002
  

       Lucky guess on the biology teacher bit, you dyskinetic gynaecologist with a sweating disorder and fetid mustard-filled nostrils.
waugsqueke, Jul 05 2002
  

       Stupid idea? Probably the most cretinous travesty of brain activitity since your goat-fisting crack-whore mother decided to sell as fertiliser the filth that festers in her lice-ridden knickers - worn so long, by the way, over her unwashed spunk-reeking syphillitic cunt and pustulent arsehole that her flatulent and fat-as-a-geriatric-American-tourist-with-their-colostomy-bag-backed-up-since-Florida arse has actually grown a solid skin of lardy flesh over them such that removal entails an operation akin to surgery or strip-mining. Now take your so-called "idea", inflate it with the hot air you so obviously have an infinite supply of, and shove it up your mother's aforementioned ass, where the sun not only doesn't shine but actually sucks all light out of the surrounding space due its well-nigh inconceivable massiveness and the singularity of shit squeezed to a point of infinite denseness and zero size (not unlike your brain) at the centre of that *black hole*, NickTheGratingIrkingImbecile.   

       You complete waugsqueke, you.
Guy Fox, Jul 05 2002
  

       Game: NickTheGreat Vs. Everyone else, it seems. First set.   

       Love - fifteen
NickTheGreat, Jul 05 2002
  

       Love goats, more like.   

       Like your mother.
Guy Fox, Jul 05 2002
  

       Love - thirty
NickTheGreat, Jul 05 2002
  

       You are an obstinate Palestinian gypsy whose credibility is comprable to that of a hamster.   

       Fifteen - thirty
NickTheGreat, Jul 05 2002
  

       Um, nope. No score there. That was a pathetic attempt, NickYourselfShaving. 10 minutes of bearing down and that little crumb of shit comes out of your bowels? Not even worth flushing after that one. You Pyrrhic molasses-coated malignant duck vulva.
waugsqueke, Jul 05 2002
  

       The only question is: just how far down are you seeded? And just who was it that seeded you - your so-called *father*, a goat, or any of the multitude of truck-drivers, milkmen or pizza delivery boys who've used, abused, misused and infused your dam with their patently-substandard genetic stock over the long years of her career? One can only presume that they were rather closely related to the slapper, slag and slut of a bitch, given the issue that was produced.   

       My money is therefore on the goat.
Guy Fox, Jul 05 2002
  

       bunch of idiots
-alx, Jul 05 2002
  

       Go screw yourself with your hyphen, alx.
pottedstu, Jul 05 2002
  

       Yo mama so fat, the lice in her arse crack have invented sophisticated mining techniques.   

       You are in fact a giant louse that crawled up yo mamas pus-dripping cunt and grew grotesquely fat on the rotting corpses of your various 'fathers' who were trapped in the sweaty rolls of that foul region. Born into a blocked toilet on 'marathon curry night', your only ever experience of washing was rolling into a river under a sewage outlet when yo mama threw you out after calling in your tab for her 'services'.
chud, Jul 05 2002
  

       Yeah? Well at least my name's got more than 4 letters, "chud". Is that a slang term for vomitting?
pottedstu, Jul 05 2002
  

       Chudding is an extremely nasty sexual practice. I wouldn't be surprised if you were conceived in similar circumstances, Stu.   

       [No link added, deliberately.]
-alx, Jul 05 2002
  

       stu - lucky you managed to remember your whole rambling, bloated 'nom de putain' through the billows of low-grade pot smoke   

       and alx is a disgusting fungal infection so nasty that it can survive in the pestilent haze around yo mama [no link added, because yo mama ate the web designer]
chud, Jul 05 2002
  

       May the fumes of a thousand thousand thousand and a thousand thousand and a thousand more generations of flaccid maggots sucking the dung of the generations of sons and their sons of all the whore rebels who've ever existed and shall exist fill your mothers nostrils to cause her to unceasingly and quite audibly fill the planets potchambers forever and ever to overflowing, just as the entirety of the combined armies of the syphillitic axis and all evil empires fore and aft and those who support/ed them fill/ed with their bile the multitude of orifices of your mother and those whores who emulate/d your mother, though their craggy, rotten and/or oozing pits aren't/weren't as craggy, rotten and/or oozing the warmth of hell as the pit in which you fermented, geek who moppeth the potchamber floors with thine own hair.
thumbwax, Jul 06 2002
  

       I don't think "compliment tennis" would get many croissants, because I doubt many would know how to play. Or be able to bring themselves to serve.
pfperry, Jul 06 2002
  

       because insults are easier to be creative with and relieve tension better than compliments   

       your wife is a purple hippo <aargh>
chud, Jul 06 2002
  

       Accidents do happen. Isn't that right bliss? Or should we just ask your mother?
[ sctld ], Jul 06 2002
  

       Hey, lay off of blissmiss, and go back to your serial sock raping, you yeast-infected vaginal blood fart gobbler.
Guncrazy, Jul 06 2002
  

       I would insult you, but your overstuffed sawdust brain is clogging up your eyes and ears. Too bad is not clogging up your large overgrown nose, other wise your brain would be free from all that sawdust, and we cook it as the lental that it is.
[ sctld ], Jul 06 2002
  

       Oh, how cutting.
[ sctld ], Jul 06 2002
  

       Go bliss! Us ass-wipes have to stick together!
[ sctld ], Jul 06 2002
  

       stick together like the fetid carpet of tissues on the floor of yo mamas 'office'
chud, Jul 06 2002
  

       [blissmiss]: That pustulent chancre on a donkey's dong [sctld] is hardly worth your weak defense. If you're wondering why I haven't any stronger words for you, it is my policy never to insult a lady, you necrophilic stockyard animal slut.   

       As for you, [sctld], the imbecilic rejoinders you post are evidence of your atrophied brain, which wouldn't fill the miniscule cavity of your invaginated third nipple.
Guncrazy, Jul 06 2002
  

       ewww...
mighty_cheese, Jul 07 2002
  

       Your nanny was a goat.

May the billy-goat which infected your unbeknownst to you actual father's genitalia impale it's horns in your anus forever and ever, amen.
thumbwax, Jul 07 2002
  

       May all your children have six toes....one on each foot.
minxy, Jul 07 2002
  

       Now that Resarf has discovered it, I'm really regretting posting the link to "Deliver the Dis".
mighty_cheese, Jul 07 2002
  

       we have a winner!!!!
postseti, Jul 07 2002
  

       Shove a Big Bang up your ass, postseti/Fartist formerly known as Resarf/GeorgeTheRobin/etc.
thumbwax, Jul 07 2002
  

       go resarf you got the skills   

       Unfortunately they are the faecal-cuisine, mama-goat-porn skills. Luckily for the goat the combination of yo mamas gravity well and your wasp-like genetalia protected it from your worst perversions. We can but hope that you drown in the river of sweat and diahorrea that flows constantly from the other end of yo mama (you can even see it on a clear night)
chud, Jul 07 2002
  

       moggie-snogger!
Matty, Jul 13 2002
  

       I'd smack you, but I'm busy fisting your mom.

Sorry, I wanted in on this.
AfroAssault, Jul 13 2002
  

       cous emmech!!
briandamage, Jul 13 2002
  

       You remind me a little of my brother, only he has a human head.
mrthingy, Jul 15 2002
  

       I say the insult umpire be granted a license to kill for the use of puns or bad word play type insults. The audience could then vote on the method of body disposal.
jimk, Sep 03 2002
  

       Can you imagine what anyone who wandered in here by mistake, and didn't read the original idea would think of you all. For shame! You bunch of foul mouthed, wretchedly ugly, Belgians.
Zircon, Sep 03 2002
  

       Time to bring up a treasure from the archive - (thanks for the lead [blissmiss]!). I don't think we'll see any new insults here....
ConsulFlaminicus, Feb 06 2006
  

       ....said the man who slipped into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking. :)
DesertFox, Feb 06 2006
  

       //..ugly, Belgians.// That deserves a Rory.
spidermother, Feb 06 2006
  

       this idea is baked toasty... It's just HalfBakery without the Referee!
Macdaddyx1, Feb 10 2008
  
      
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