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Kensington Handcuff

Stop laptops being left on trains
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(+9, -2)
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A metre or so of chain or cable, with a Kensington lock on one end and a handcuff on the other.

With these, you can be sure your staff will never accidentally leave their laptops on trains. Perfect for government departments dealing with classified information.

Wrongfellow, Apr 28 2010

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       It might also be useful to attach a thumbdrive to the end of the chain too, for people who take those home from the office instead of their laptops.
swimswim, Apr 28 2010
  

       I can imagine the headlines now; "Civil Servant Dragged for Miles by Handcuffs", "Hand Choppers Steal Another Laptop" and "Chained to the Job".
Aristotle, Apr 28 2010
  

       Civil servants are NOT permitted to use laptops on public or private transport. The kensington lock is for use in the office to prevent the laptop being stolen whilst it is being used or stored.   

       Think this explains it...   

       Keeping laptops and mobile devices secure whilst travelling or at home When travelling by public transport laptops and mobile devices must not be left unattended on luggage racks etc. Where possible the device should be carried in a locked bag or case that does not make it obvious that it is a laptop or other device. Whilst travelling by car, laptops and mobile devices must be stored out of sight, preferably in a locked boot. It will rarely be appropriate to leave a laptop in an unattended car, and never overnight. Under no circumstances should a mobile device be left in view in a car or other insecure location.   

       Overnight, whilst away from the office, a cable lock may be the best available option to guard against theft of laptops during limited periods of non-supervision. Where this is the case the laptop should preferably be secured using the cable lock to an immovable object such as plumbing and ensure that it is kept out of sight. Where available, locking devices away in a hotel safe or Auto Safe is encouraged.
S-note, Apr 28 2010
  

       //Civil servants are NOT permitted to use laptops on public or private transport// - really?
hippo, Apr 28 2010
  

       //When travelling by public transport laptops and mobile devices must not be left unattended on luggage racks etc.//   

       This is exactly what the Kensington Handcuff is intended to prevent.
Wrongfellow, Apr 28 2010
  

       Really - no using laptops outside offical premises or in a non-secure enviroment. I think a trainfull of people chained to their laptop would indicate they have something worth stealing. The previous anno is offical guidance see ' Where possible the device should be carried in a locked bag or case that does not make it obvious that it is a laptop or other device.'
S-note, Apr 28 2010
  

       Seems quite sensible, really.
wagster, Apr 28 2010
  

       Maybe the computer could have a self-destruct ordnance pack integrated into it - nothing fancy, just a couple of hundred grams of HMX.
8th of 7, Apr 28 2010
  

       That's a beautifully Borgesque suggestion, for sure. Would you be able to take it on a plane, though?
Wrongfellow, Apr 28 2010
  

       Oh yes. Just the once ... if you put the notebook in the overhead locker.   

       Instead of HMX, you could of course use Ammonal, which has an extremely low vapour pressure and is very hard to detect.
8th of 7, Apr 28 2010
  

       I can also foresee difficulties if the truly security-conscious, believing as they do in "defence in depth", choose to use a Kensington Handcuff and your self-destruct ordnance pack at the same time.   

       This suggests a possible joint marketing strategy. We could offer Kensington Handcuffs and self-destruct ordnance packs sold together, with the length of handcuff chain carefully calculated to put the buyer just outside the lethal blast radius of the explosive.
Wrongfellow, Apr 28 2010
  

       BorgCo's marketing strategy prefers to concentrate on placing the vendor just outside the lethal blast radius of the explosive.
8th of 7, Apr 28 2010
  

       Maybe such an explosives-enhanced laptop could detonate if brought near a train, destroying the laptop and terminating the career of the civil servant who was trying to break the rules.   

       This idea may become obsolete in UK society soon as civil servants are due to be replaced with unpaid volunteers if the election goes badly wrong. We all might wear such handcuffs ...
Aristotle, Apr 29 2010
  

       [Aristotle] //civil servants are due to be replaced with unpaid volunteers//
Or unpaid non-volunteers, i.e. civil slaves.
Handcuffing them to their laptops would be like chaining galley slaves to their oars.
mouseposture, Apr 30 2010
  

       [mouseposture] Just been struck by the imagery of a supervisor beating a large drum as as slaves chained to laptops type out denouncements of fake marriages undertaken by desperate people for an extra £3 a week ...   

       This general election is taking it's toll on me, I have to admit. I'll try to constrain my bleak visions of dark futures evoked by the Conservative manifesto leaking into the HB.
Aristotle, May 01 2010
  

       aren't you glad that our elections only last a few weeks?
po, May 01 2010
  

       //Civil servants are NOT permitted to use laptops on public or private transport. The kensington lock is for use in the office to prevent the laptop being stolen whilst it is being used or stored.//   

       I like how you managed to write that whole anno without once pausing to mention which country's laws you're referring to. How solipsistic .. er.. Nationalistic. Er… Maybe parochial? (Is there a term for solipsism that encompasses someone not acknowledging the existence or relevance of other nations? Hmm? ) It's something I see a lot of around here, and on the Internet in general.
Custardguts, May 07 2010
  

       A neck collar would be a better solution. On the other hand, most would be robbers don't carry the heavy duty tools needed to cut a toughened chain or cable, but a sharp knife will easily remove someone's head. (so I'm told)
xenzag, May 07 2010
  

       [Custardguts] The refrence to leaving laptops on trains is clearly aimed at civil servants in the UK. This is almost directly responsible for new working practices being introduced for all UK civil servants, such as not using a laptop in any public space.
S-note, May 07 2010
  

       //[Custardguts] The refrence to leaving laptops on trains is clearly aimed at civil servants in the UK. This is almost directly responsible for new working practices being introduced for all UK civil servants, such as not using a laptop in any public space.//   

       Yes, yes. This proves my point. Saying that it's "clearly aimed at civil servants in the UK" - how, from the content of your anno, would this be clear to someone outside the UK? (how would it be clear to someone inside the UK, outside the civil service?).   

       Me, when I'm referring to something Australia-centric, or even (gasp!) Queensland centric, normally preface by mentioning "in Australia" or at the very least "over/down here".   

       Hey, don't get me wrong, you UK-uns aren't even bad at all. It seems most US-based writers out there in the internets just simply assume everyone is in the US.   

       Just a pet peeve, 'sall.   

       {/rant]
Custardguts, May 07 2010
  

       How come your text isn't upside down if you're really from Australia?
xenzag, May 07 2010
  

       I am indeed from the UK, and the recent spate of laptop-on-train-leavery is indeed what prompted my idea.   

       I don't for a moment imagine, though, that Britain has any kind of monopoly on accidentally discarded computers.   

       Can you imagine it? "I'm sorry, Sir, you're not allowed to leave that laptop on this train without a license from Her Majesty the Queen."   

       Actually, this suggests an alternative means of achieving the same end. It's better for the unemployment figures, too.
Wrongfellow, May 07 2010
  

       Prehaps the Kensington handcuff could be used 'down under' to handcuff immigrant boat people to the actual boat while the Austrailian Navy sinks it...just a thought! (saves time on deportation)
S-note, May 07 2010
  
      
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