h a l f b a k e r y
A few slices short of a loaf.
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Carefully, timidly, I stepped onto what appeared to be a
patch of harmless lawn, my hands clasped tightly over
eyes, feeling carefully with the bare sole of my foot.
I was uncertain whether I had found one, but I had to be
certain... I couldn't just leave it there for some poor,
soul to trip upon. By now I was quite
I had found what I was seeking.
I knelt to the grass and unsheathed my bayonet, sliding
into the soft earth beneath the grass and levering the
blade gently upward. There was something large and
reasonably soft just under the grass. I lifted a little
and caught a peek of a striped jersey. Now I simply had
identify the country of origin and the type and I was
Working quickly, I unearthed the mime, a post-WWII
French in origin, from the Marcel Mangel School. It
to sit up so I rapped it across the head with a police
and watched as its eyes rolled back in its head.
Uncertain whether it was awake and simply pretending to
be unconscious, I motioned my colleague to take the
end as we lifted it bodily into a waiting glass tank, filled
with poisoned water of unusual clarity.
Quickly, we put a heavy lid on the tank and sat on it.
The mime erupted into motion, struggling against the
glass for a long time before apparently running out of
We waited another fifteen minutes, to be certain.
buggers, these French mimes.
Amazon: One of Our Thursdays is Missing
Judge for yourself - I really enjoyed the whole series - the humour is unique, and full of literary references, along with this more pun/wordplay type of humour. [zen_tom, May 18 2011]
||Hobart's "Funnies"; beating mimes to death with heavy chains
||You're digging up buried, but un-dead, mimes?
||Do you not realize how difficult it's going to be to kill a zombie-
||Why does the water have to be poisoned? Shirley the resulting
solution of black-and-white makeup is equally lethal.
||Drowning, poison and makeup... to be sure, to be
sure, to be sure.
||Are we now to expect Mimesweeper to be bundled with Wndows 8 ?
||No, it'll be on the Windows phone by Nokia - gesture-controlled.
Logo will be Elop trying to get out of a clear Microsoft contract.
||Once drowned, where on land do you propose to dispose of them?
||Invisible glass boxes should suffice.
||Perhaps they could be dried, then put outdoors when a strong
wind is expected, so they blow around like tumbleweed
||Stitch them together and use them as sails on mock
pirate ships. They can wave endearingly as mock
cannonballs pass through them.
||Jasper Fforde riffs on this joke in his latest "One of Our Thursdays Is Missing" - if he is not a 'baker, he must be channelling the bakery subconsciously. Either that or we are channelling him.
||Who or what, is a Jasper Fforde? Is it like a Jasper
||He's a writer, responsible (among other things) for the "Thursday Next" series of books, in which the eponymous heroine lives in a parrallel world in which Swindon is an important cultural capital, Croquet is a national sport, cheese is contraband, and Wales is an independent Socialist Republic. In the last of the series, entitled "One of Our Thursdays is Missing", during a particlarly exciting chase sequence, Thursday and her Robotic Butler are driven off the road by agents of the same criminal conspiracy they are investigating, to find themselves stranded in the middle of a dangerous "Mimefield". They must quickly think of an appropriate way to escape before the deadly mimes are fully activated...
||A children's author, I take it?
||Yes, among other things. Rudyard Kipling was a
children's author too, so I'm not sure what you're
getting at. A writer who had this exact same idea
(I thought it was fun, but if you prefer to suggest
that it's "childish", that's fine too) - only published
in book form earlier this year.
||Don't get this the wrong way, I'm not criticising
you, or your idea, just observing a connection
with something I read earlier in the year on
holiday that I had enjoyed. Thought you'd be
interested, carry on.