h a l f b a k e r y"More like a cross between an onion, a golf ball, and a roman multi-tiered arched aquaduct."
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Lawn Psyoperator
For these stressful times, the blades need some support. Or not. | |
This device is very similar to a robotic lawnmower, but instead of a blade, it has a speaker.
As the robot moves across the lawn, it plays soothing music entirely encapsulated and sound insulated within the bell deck. In addition to the music it also plays an encouraging recording, letting the grass
know it is ok to be brown, but nature loves saturated colors, and there is opportunity for growth in career. The programming could change of course, there could be a session on how the grass is greener - just next door. Or oppositely, if the lawn is being egotistic and going to seed, it could drop cutting remarks about ego and what happens to tall poppies.
This would ultimately replace both watering and green waste.
People may wonder why the quiet lawn roomba isn't doing much but the therapy isn't for them.
[link]
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The hills are alive with the sound of muzak... |
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I hope it's very, very expensive. I think there would be a huge market for it. |
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[+] My wife talks lovingly to every plant in our yard and would not be keen on outsourcing this to a machine. But others certainly would. |
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This reminds me of when two initiatives from senior management arrived at the same time. |
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One was a razor gang to take control of a struggling project, whose leader used the most primitive means to assert psychological dominance short of actually beating his chest and waving a club. |
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The other was the organisation's new anti-bullyimg policy. |
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The juxtaposition was hilarious. |
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Just think how much greenhouse gas we're saving by not mowing the brown lawn. |
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Honestly, it sound like you're going to make your grass psychotic, which, frankly, is the plot behind "Day of the Triffids" |
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Triffids aren't psychotic. Triffids function perfectly well, just not in the interests of humans. |
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{stomps off grumbling against "positive psychology"} |
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Well that is speculation. Triffids may be internally troubled due to horrific lab scenarios as they were being created and later exploited for oil. They may not actually like what they are doing. What if nobody ever tried to help them out? What if they just need a little bit of support? A little bit of positivity? |
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That would be neurosis, not psychosis. |
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You're thinking of those really mopey triffids that just can't be bothered to sting you even if you walk right past them. |
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Wait - those might be willows. |
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I'm reminded of an excellent scene in the miniseries Good Omens, where the demon Crowley yells at his potted plants to "GROW BETTER!" Fear will keep the local fauna in line, and will do the same for your flora. |
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