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Lawnmower Tennis

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The rules of Lawnmower Tennis are quite simple: when the game starts two grounds-men (or women) begin mowing the lawns on either side of the net.

The players must therefore cope with their constant movement backwards and forwards at a snail's pace, the noisy petrol driver mowers drowning out the usual irritating animal grunts and whining to the umpire. Crashing into either the mower or its operator is an automatic game looser.

xenzag, Nov 20 2018

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       // Crashing into either the mower or its operator is an automatic game looser.//   

       Well, a limb looser under certain circumstances but, given an enclosed cockpit for the groundskeeper, why not otherwise just play through ?
FlyingToaster, Nov 20 2018
  

       You are quite strange, [xenzag].
blissmiss, Nov 20 2018
  

       Would hitting the ball towards your opponent's mower in the hopes that your opponent would collide and be summarily mulched be deemed an error?
whatrock, Nov 20 2018
  

       Two on each side?
pocmloc, Nov 20 2018
  

       One on each side.
xenzag, Nov 21 2018
  

       Which side is which mower on ?
FlyingToaster, Nov 21 2018
  

       Each mower is on either side. Ha - this is entertaining.
xenzag, Nov 21 2018
  

       But the idea says "two grounds-men (or women) start mowing the lawns on either side..."   

       Am I missing a subtle grammatical difference between "each" and "either"?
pocmloc, Nov 21 2018
  

       I think [xenzag] meant "two grounds-men (or women) start mowing the lawns, one on each side..." rather than "two grounds-men (or women) start mowing the lawns on either side..." which is open to misinterpretation.
hippo, Nov 21 2018
  

       I knew someone would explain it to me. Ha - thanks.
xenzag, Nov 21 2018
  

       No, I meant is the lawn mower on your side on your side ?
FlyingToaster, Nov 21 2018
  

       .....as opposed to being on the underside?
xenzag, Nov 21 2018
  

       I first misread the title as "Lawnmower Tetris", which would be interesting too
hippo, Nov 21 2018
  

       Apparently this is a doubles match where each partner is operating a mower on the opposite side of the net, serving as a moving obstacle and occasionally, a truncator.   

       Why is this not an Olympic event?   

       [+]
whatrock, Nov 21 2018
  

       A couple of ride-on lawnmowers roaming the pitch would make football (soccer) more interesting, or at least, slightly less uninteresting.
hippo, Nov 21 2018
  

       // Each mower is on either side. //   

       Yes, but it could still be on the other side even if it is on your side.   

       There could be two autonomous lawnmowers, each programmed to intentionally hinder, obstruct, or indeed injure the player on whos side of the playing area they are located.   

       Thus a lawnmower could be both on your side and your opponents side simultaneously.
8th of 7, Nov 21 2018
  

       Surely the lawnmowers should be on their own side. Then, with a suitably complicated scoring system, the tennis match could be won by either of the human tennis players, or by the team of lawnmowers?
hippo, Nov 21 2018
  

       Or if you let the QI elves do the scoring, the audience...
8th of 7, Nov 21 2018
  

       I'm thinking of introducing goats (wearing protective padded coverings, but nevertheless very hungry to graze randomly.
xenzag, Nov 21 2018
  

       How do you propose to stop the goats eating the net, the player's towels, the umpire's chair, or the tennis balls ? Goats are notoriously omnivorous.
8th of 7, Nov 21 2018
  

       Electricity is a good deterrent.
xenzag, Nov 21 2018
  

       Also, how many lawns are there on either side of the net?
pocmloc, Nov 21 2018
  

       Well if I can do yoga with goats, you can do tennis with them frolicking about too, I suppose.
blissmiss, Nov 21 2018
  

       What is it with the word 'looser' on the interweb? Do people need to tighten up their spelling? Does 'loser' not exist in spell checking?   

       Not quite as fun as a giant windmill in the middle, but close.
RayfordSteele, Nov 22 2018
  
      
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