Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I didn't say you were on to something, I said you were on something.

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Linear Accelerator Stapler

Explore new frontiers of high energy document cohesion
  (+19, -1)(+19, -1)
(+19, -1)
  [vote for,

Gerald stepped into the copy room, the sheaf of papers in hand. The stapler – usually affixed firmly to the table – had been replaced by a sign:

"Stapler through opposite door.
Please wear eye protection."

Reluctantly donning a white coat and nominal goggles, Gerald stepped into a room containing massive arrays of electronics replete with blinking LEDs and confusing dials. Dominating the room, however, was what looked like the end of a particle accelerator beam line.

Puzzled, he placed the papers into a likely looking tray, which snapped them inside the evacuated cylinder.

The bolts clicked home deep within the door behind Gerald, and a quiet humming was the only indication of activity. The sound came from the metal of the tube, but sounded somehow... distant.

It was getting louder.

A display on the wall above the tube showed a red blip accelerating towards, presumably, the Staple Room. The whine became more intense and high pitched, and the banks of electronics blinked more urgently. Green turned to yellow, and then to red as the timers sprinted towards zero. The tube sang louder and just when Gerald was considering some MacGuyver style escape... it stopped, rather anticlimactically.

The tray hissed open, and his article lay there innocently – intact, and bound by a single staple, still glowing slightly.

Detly, Nov 23 2004

Larger than this... http://www.virtuals...y/1968swingline.asp
[Detly, Nov 24 2004]

...but smaller than this. http://documents.ce...si/9105065.jpeg&s=2
[Detly, Nov 24 2004]


       I'm saving that for the binder.
Detly, Nov 23 2004

       //So, how does it work?//   

       There are two methods I'm considering:   

       1. Each staple is magnetised along its length, so that it has a bulk magnetic moment, and is accelerated and guided by electromagnets.   

       2. There's a normal stapler behind the tray, and all the electronics are just there for decoration.
Detly, Jan 03 2005

       I like the #2. And the low budget version can be to simply blow raspberries just before you staple with your swingline.
sophocles, Jan 03 2005

       I can easily see all the guys in the office begging the secretaries to let them staple something,anything, rushing to stand in line, entering the chamber, then emerging with their glasses askew and a sudden need for a cigarette.
ceruleanbill, Jan 03 2005

       I've witnessed sonic stapling before.....it was pretty painful to listen to. I think I'll stick with crossbow staples.
normzone, Jan 03 2005

       Sounds like I'll finally be able to staple an 800 page document. Not that I'd need to, but it's nice to have options.
Worldgineer, Jan 03 2005

       I'll OK anything large, unneccessarily complicated and ultimately pointless. Look at my wife, for example.   

       Sorry, joking. (badly)
HoverDonkey, Jan 03 2005

       Basically a rail-gun with staples as ammo. I like it. [+]
pooduck, Jul 01 2005


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