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Longevity treatment for monkeys (with typewriters)

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Hmm, at NMRM Corp it has become quite obvious that our monkeys with typewriters are still not getting the Shakespeare second folio quite correct.

Only last night, with tears in my eyes, I had to point out that it's not "Titus and Ronicus".

In an effort to cut down on the subsequent poop throwing, I realised the way to go is not a vast number of monkeys, what's needed is one very long-lived monkey.

Imagine the savings in bananas in the long run, and one monkey can only throw so much poop, so cutting down on both of our dry-cleaning bills.

So, I suggest the UN (or someone else) gives me lots of money to look into monkey longevity research.

not_morrison_rm, Oct 12 2016

a hyperlongevity mouse, the pepck ouse, there is lso a daf mouse. https://ouroboros.w...e-pepck-cmus-mouse/
[beanangel, Oct 13 2016]

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       I think, with a longer-lived monkey, you could set your sights higher. I mean, we already _know_ Shakespeare. The monkey could just as easily type something original.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 13 2016
  

       For a while earlier today, there was a spare gorilla available.
Ian Tindale, Oct 13 2016
  

       According to the MWI the first thing it types is the DAF mutation, with a comprehensible English preamble, that will make it live twice as long, also conserving resources, at that universe.
beanangel, Oct 13 2016
  

       // The monkey could just as easily type something original. //   

       It's called Andrew Lloyd Webber*, and - unfortunately - is Baked and WKTE.   

       *Athough on close inspection, the resemblance is closer to a gibbon**.   

       **No slur on gibbons is intended.
8th of 7, Oct 13 2016
  

       The key here is whether or not you ratchet your Shakespeare. With no ratcheting, the time it takes for any single monkey to accidentally type out the entire works is rather long.   

       But, if each best attempt, is stored as the starting point for any future attempts - i.e. is ratcheted - the problem becomes almost linear.   

       This methodology works for evolution, we just need a method for rewarding and starting off with the most Shakesperean document to date, and it shouldn't take more than a couple of years, given the appropriate investment in Simian Resources.
zen_tom, Oct 13 2016
  

       <5,375 years later> "Well?"
"Ribbon ran out around March of the first year, sir."
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 13 2016
  

       There should be a contest between selectively bred monkeys and a computer to see which one can come up with something useful... or entertaining, at least.
FlyingToaster, Oct 13 2016
  

       // a contest between selectively bred monkeys and a computer //   

       Baked. "2001: A Space Oddysey".   

       The jury's still out on who won, though. The last half of the movie is seriously weird ... OK, we get the clever graphics, that's interdimensional travel, but what's with the really old guy in the white room, and the giant foetus ? Surreal, we call it.
8th of 7, Oct 13 2016
  

       You saw a giant foetus in 2001? What the fuck were you on??
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 13 2016
  

       One of those lollipops your Aunt Vulpinia was handing out ...
8th of 7, Oct 13 2016
  

       The baby is the star baby, making a decision. That bit makes no sense whatsoever. One of the many other endings should've been chosen, instead. Seriously. Bad choice.
Ian Tindale, Oct 14 2016
  

       I think that your error, n_m_r, is to be overly focused on the order of the letters that your monkeys are typing. If you just took the letters they typed & ticked each one off against a similar letter in a Shakespeare play or sonnet then I think you would have the task accomplished far more quickly. Further research on monkey lifespans would then be unnecessary.

On the other hand, if you can invent self-untangling typebars then that would probably be worth a grant.
DrBob, Oct 14 2016
  

       //One of those lollipops// You mean the thin, cylindrical ones? Those were actually suppositories. Ah well. He does like his practical jokes, does Auntie Vee.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 14 2016
  
      
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