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Man-eating Chickens

“"Give me a 30 piece bucket of thermonuclear buffalo arms."
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Oppressed chickens of the world unite! Report to the nearest gene splicing facility to have your repressed carnal urges for devouring humanoid flesh exposed.

Now you can axe a human’s head off and laugh while his beheaded body runs frantically around the human-coupe. Enjoy a quick meal at KFP. (Kentucky Fried People) Colonel Sanders is now a 20 piece family meal.

Don’t forget to boil your people-parts before you put them on the barbecue. You wouldn’t want to catch South Jersey Virus. Does this sound crazy? Well with the advent of gene splicing and all of that other man as god-like tampering, Man-eating Chickens are not that far off.

What possible use could this be to human kind? Allow me to extrapolate: Hate your neighbor? Throw a man-eating chicken in their bedroom. Hate your manager or a fellow employee? Place a man-eating chicken in their cube or office. Hate anti-meat eating humans? Throw a whole coupe of man-eating chickens at one of their veggie conventions. Next time an animal rights activist throws pig blood on your baby seal coat; throw a man-eating chicken right back. Imagine watching the "Man-eating Chicken Hunter" on Animal Planet. “Look at that man-eating chicken. Isn’t she gorgeous! I have to be careful, she’s pregnant and she won’t hesitate to bite my head clear off! She’s a nasty bugga isn’t she!”

And yes, unlike many new inventions, this is twisted and can only be used for Evil.

fatamericanpig, Aug 01 2000

Man-eating chicken in this movie http://us.imdb.com/Plot?0074540
[snarfyguy, Oct 04 2004]

The Big Chicken http://www.roadside...t/GAMARchicken.html
[Amos Kito, Oct 04 2004]

Man Eating Chicken http://www.aristocr...ating%20Chicken.jpg
yum [MikeOliver, Oct 04 2004]

Zoo Attraction http://www.ananova....tory/sm_790077.html
Shooting caged animals for sport [FloridaManatee, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Scantily Clad in a Chicken Suit http://www.kfccruel...demopics/elaina.jpg
This is exactly the costume I saw [FloridaManatee, Oct 04 2004]

More Chicks http://www.kfccruel...demopics/hollyf.jpg
Pun intended [FloridaManatee, Oct 04 2004]

KFC's least popular special http://www.jcs-grou...hillarychicken1.jpg
[thumbwax, Oct 04 2004]

Kentucky Fried Fingers http://www.wackypac...smaller_images.html
Wacky Packages, yet another 70's fad [LoriZ, May 19 2010]


       I found you via "random".   


       But I admire your skill with the weapons of satire - sometimes the rapier; sometimes the cutlass; sometimes the scalpel. Always the cutting edge.
rayfo, Oct 09 2000

       of course, chickens are by definition cowardly.
nick_n_uit, Apr 18 2001

       Resistance is futile - The chickens will digest you. Im okay though cos I'm an alien!
cartman, Jul 17 2001

       Dangerous stuff. If chickens get to learn genetic engineering, they could retro-engineer themselves back to dinosaur-like creatures. They already have genes, albeit currently inactive/latent, for teeth and scales. Just get these genes going with a few more more latent primaeval dinosaur ones and increase the growth hormone gene output, tell them the history of man's inhumanity to chickens and, hey presto, man-eating chickens.
mkirksmith, Dec 12 2001

       If you take off the arms on He-Man Masters of the Universe dolls and attach on sides of chickens, they look very menacing. Handlebar moustache and half-chewed cigar is optional.
benfrost, Dec 12 2001

       You've done this, I assume?
angel, Dec 12 2001

       Viva la Chicken Coup!
phoenix, Dec 12 2001

       Breed 'em for flavor and quick growth so that their legs dislocate and crumble and they can't stand without pain. Stuff them standing room only in sunless damp filthy rooms rooms with 40,000 others for the duration of their lives. Manacle them upside down by their feet, partially stun them, slash their throats and skin 'em alive.   

       Then sell their carcasses for two bucks a life.   

       Fair's fair.
FloridaManatee, May 28 2003

       This is baked in the film adaptation of H.G. Wells's "Food of the Gods" (and the orginal work as well, I would imagine), though not on the scale imagined by the author here.
snarfyguy, May 28 2003

       I read that was the wholesale price for an undressed broiler.   

       Even if it cost like Kobe beef, it'd be a tragedy.   

       Still, I like my chicken. Where I live, it's difficult to get any but the basic factory kind. I only found out today why they're so cheap. Not that I readily identify with a chicken, but if I think for a moment what it must be like...
FloridaManatee, May 28 2003

       I heard KFP had to change their name from Kentucky Fried People cos their food didn't actually contain people...
MikeOliver, May 28 2003

       This sounded like the old P.T. Barnum exhibit of the 6 Foot Man Eating Chicken. Where by getting there, the patrons got to see a 6ft tall man sitting at a table, eating chicken.
sartep, May 28 2003

       [sartep], LOL!   

       All this talk reminds me of when my wife dragged me over to see a bunch of women very scantily clad in chicken suits, standing outside the KFC holding big signs that said "KFC TORTURES CHICKENS!"   

       My wife, who knows the guy that controls the franchise in this city, said: "What are they doing!?! I'm going to ask _____ what's up with this strange promotion."   

       "No" I said, "They don't work for KFC; they're protesting."   

       "Protesting what?"   

       "Well, KFC torturing chickens, for a start."   



       My wife's not dim. It's just the culture of speciesism. We should all stick to buffalo wings. After all, they're only vestigial.
FloridaManatee, May 28 2003

snarfyguy, May 28 2003

       (almond joy)
goober, May 29 2003

       You mean, it made the road angry? Bastard chicken.
goober, May 29 2003

       FM: How can you possibly be scantily clad in a chicken suit?
DrCurry, May 29 2003

       plucked chickens.
po, May 29 2003

       It certainly must have something to do with breasts and thighs.
Worldgineer, May 29 2003

       //FM: How can you possibly be scantily clad in a chicken suit?//   

       Sorry for the late reply.   

       Take a late 20's/ early 30's caucasian woman in a bikini, add big yellow chicken feet and headgear and a few red green and yellow tail feathers.   

       //Take a late 20's/ early 30's caucasian woman in a bikini// Actually, this is the kind of recipe I LIKE!
FloridaManatee, Jun 16 2003

       //It certainly must have something to do with breasts and thighs.//   

       Yup. See link.   

       Makes me want to (almost) want to torture chickens just so I can attract the protestors.
FloridaManatee, Jun 16 2003

       "Is that a man eating cock in your pocket, or are you just gay to see me?"
FarmerJohn, Jun 16 2003

       Well, you crap your pants, And your step starts to quicken, That's how you know, You're running from a chicken, Eaten by a chicken now, Eh-Eah-Eah, Eaten by a chicken now, Eh-Eah-Eah.
zedidiah, Jun 16 2003

       [arthur]Q:Why did the chicken cross the road? Ernest Hemingway: To die. Alone. In the rain.
igirl, Jun 16 2003

       chickens are pretty awsome. but id rather eat them than have one eat me.
bobathie, Jun 27 2007

       Wow. We're really time-traveling today.
normzone, Jun 27 2007


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