Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Man + Technology Bonding Prayer

Not just for guns anymore
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(+2, -1)
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The Marine/rifle prayer as seen in the movie "Full Metal Jacket" applied to everyday tools we use for our livelihood. For most of us it's probably a computer but it could be a shovel, pickup truck, frying pan or scalpel. For those not familiar with the prayer, it goes like this:

"This is my rifle. (computer/scalpel/football/shovel) There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle (or whatever) is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, as I must master my life.

Without me my (insert tool here) is useless. Without my (tool), I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. (This would be replaced by "I must figure out where the "any key" is/I must cut true/I must fry these eggs just right)"

And so on replacing shooting, killing and gun with whatever it is you do for a living and the tool you use to do it. The rest of the gun version is:

"I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will.

Before God (or the great non-diety) I swear this creed. My rifle and myself are defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviours of my life. So be it ... until there is no enemy

... but peace. Amen."

If you're working at McDonalds and elect to pray to your spatula, you should probably do it when nobody's looking.

doctorremulac3, Jul 04 2014

The Prayer- Warning: Marine language not appropriate for sensitive people http://www.youtube....watch?v=Uu37X1JvVJM
Great scene from Full Metal Jacket - Really, be warned, very salty language and rude gestures here, don't click if easily offended. [doctorremulac3, Jul 06 2014]


       Oh my goodness. I'm not mocking it fine fellow. My son is a decorated Marine with two combat tours so have a nice day. Nobody is more pro Marine than me.   

       Now who wants pie?
doctorremulac3, Jul 04 2014

       The difference between a prayer and a creed is like that of a stick and a magic wand. But after some quick reading it seems a prayer can be a creed and a creed a prayer.
rcarty, Jul 04 2014

       I find the tone of this idea and the comments disgruntling. Not an idea. Not in my opinion.
blissmiss, Jul 04 2014

       Well, of it's causing dissension I'll take it down to keep the peace.
doctorremulac3, Jul 04 2014

       I won't stand for people mocking spatulas. The spatula was one of the most important inventions after fire and respiration, and is the pillarstone of our society.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 04 2014

       Max gets it, I'm just trying to get a dialog on spatulas going here. Can I leave it up just for the day? I'll take it down tomorrow, promise.
doctorremulac3, Jul 04 2014

       I don't think that's a useful milestone. I have got many things over the years, and have the prescriptions to prove it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 04 2014

       Tell you what blissy, I'll go back and make my rebuttle to voice nice.
doctorremulac3, Jul 04 2014

       Then plastic or metal? Answer quick and be honest. I do *not* want to come back here and have to wipe up your asses with MY spatula.
blissmiss, Jul 04 2014

       I refuse to even contemplate the existence of plastic spatulas. They are an affront. The invention of the spatula is what separates the animals from the griddle.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 04 2014

       But what then do you use on non-stick pans? Plastic is the only way to go then. Right? I SAID RIGHT???
blissmiss, Jul 04 2014

doctorremulac3, Jul 04 2014

       Non-stick schmon-stick. If it were non-stick you wouldn't need a spatula.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 04 2014

       How then do you flip stuff, assuming you flips things?
blissmiss, Jul 04 2014

       With a skillful flick of the wrist. With a little practice it's possible to flip a fried egg or fold an omelette in an entirely non-contact manner.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 04 2014

       Oh yes, I've seen that done on tv. Didn't know real people did it. Shall have to try.
blissmiss, Jul 04 2014

       After the 100th egg it gets easier.   

       You also need the right shape of pan. You can get pans which have different shaped rims on the left and right sides - flip to the left, fold to the right (or vice versa).
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 04 2014

       //I must shoot straighter than my enemy   

       I think that's more up the velocity of the bullet, as less time to drop over the trajectory.   

       <virtually obligatory Pratchett quote on city guards being given truncheon instructions "eat with it, sleep with it" etc to group of new recruits including a young lady>
not_morrison_rm, Jul 04 2014

       And what if the enemy is round a corner?   

       <cue [8th] bringing up the subject of shooting- round-corner guns>
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 04 2014

       By "shooting straight" I think they are referring to body posture. Not like those furriners who hunch over their rifles, the real sons of the Empire stand upright, shoulders back, chin thrust out, medals gleaming on immaculate red breast, the better to aim at and intimidate the natives.
pocmloc, Jul 05 2014

       ..and then they get slaughtered. Crouching works for me everytime.
not_morrison_rm, Jul 05 2014

       Delegation is my preferred option.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 05 2014

       Occurred to me not everybody has seen the movie this is based on.   

       Warning: Marine language not appropriate for sensitive people.
doctorremulac3, Jul 06 2014

       //Marine language not appropriate for sensitive people.   

       Yeah, I hate it when they say "port" and "starboard"...and "poop deck" <sniggers>
not_morrison_rm, Jul 06 2014

       No idea it was based on a movie. Duh!
blissmiss, Jul 06 2014

       Wish I could bun that, a healthy dose of good philosophy lightly veiled in satire.   

       //I know that what counts in life is not the notions generated, the arguments won, nor the conclusions derived. I know that it is the application that counts. I will apply...//   

       Not sure if you were just having some fun, but that's pretty amazingly profound.   

       Went and read your 3 ideas, had already bunned the conversation game, bunned the other two after reading them as well. You should post here more. Interesting stuff.
doctorremulac3, Jul 15 2014

       //I should try to work some more recreation into the schedule.//   

       Just like you need rest days between exercise sessions to let your muscles rebuild and grow, same thing on a mental level. Wade into the fray doing whatever it is you do all week, then go to the ballgame on Saturday. Don't worry, your company's problems will still be waiting for you on Monday.   

       And don't forget your Halfbakery breaks.
doctorremulac3, Jul 16 2014


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