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Marital Tradition Enforcement Division (Tactical Fidelity Squad)

Paintball wielding enforcers of time honored traditions.
(+4, -4)
  [vote for,

The traditional wedding entails a wedding dress, whose white color represents the purity of the bride. The reality of the situation is: If this tradition was properly upheld, white wedding dresses would be as infrequently encountered as The Beatles original Butcher album.

The Tactical Fidelity Squad roams chapels the world over in search for violations of this arcane marital tradition. Background checks are conducted on the Bride to be. Should a wedding dress violation occur, the Tactical Fidelity Squad will burst through the chapel doors and open fire upon the bride with paintball guns as she walks to the altar. One paintball per violation.

MikeD, Sep 28 2010

Pure as the driven...splat http://www.bride.ca...g-Shot-of-the-Month
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Sep 29 2010]


       Trouble in your personal life, [MikeD]?
normzone, Sep 28 2010

       No problems. She will have quite a pristine dress, when the time comes. The last one, however, would have looked like she just made it to the top of hamburger hill...
MikeD, Sep 28 2010

       Meanwhile the groom is allowed to shag as many birds as he pleases, while he is still young and free. [-] for double standards. [+] for visual imagery. [ ] net.
pocmloc, Sep 28 2010

       when did Mike say a colored dress is a bad thing?
Voice, Sep 28 2010

       He didn't. [pocmloc] is just bemoaning the lack of a crossfire situation.
lurch, Sep 28 2010

       //Meanwhile the groom...//   

       Have to acknowledge the double standard that [pocmloc] bristles over, but the groom is pretty much always draped in black. A waste of paint, really.   

       Still, there is something mean-spirited about this idea (not you, [Mike]). I mean judging and tagging people? It's a celebration, for pity's sake!   

       Essentially every wedding would become a paintball mess. [-]
Boomershine, Sep 28 2010

       So a paintball version of the Taliban, then?
BunsenHoneydew, Sep 28 2010

       Fidelity or chastity?
mouseposture, Sep 29 2010

       //Still, there is something mean-spirited about this idea//   

       Absolutely true. This idea is not meant to be implemented, nor is it proposed as something which would be good or proper. It is just a hypothetical counter-part to the hypocrisy of the symbolism of the white dress.   

       And to address your concerns, [Poc], a promiscuous woman has much higher risk of infection than a promiscuous man; ergo nature herself propagates this double standard. How would you expect society to not call a spade a spade, (at least at a subconscious level)?
MikeD, Sep 29 2010

       Are you suggesting people see a bride in a white dress and think to themselves "Fancy that! She's still a virgin!"?
hippo, Sep 29 2010

       Are you suggesting people don't see a bride in a white dress and think to themselves "What is she doing in a white dress?"?
MikeD, Sep 29 2010

       Eh, I think the white dress thing has gone way past Symbolism and headed deep into the region of Tradition.
calum, Sep 29 2010

       I would have liked to do the paintball thing in divorce court!! (to HIM!!)
xandram, Sep 29 2010

       //groom is pretty much always draped in black. A waste of paint//
Well, he's wearing the appropriate black-velvet canvas; might as well take those little tiny paintball beads with flourescent colors, and, by the hand of a true marksman (a la Sherlock Holmes), execute an image of the object of said groom's impure devotions.
lurch, Sep 29 2010

       //I would have liked to do the paintball thing in divorce court!! (to HIM!!)//   

       Sounds like you need to hire someone skilled in the art of physical persuasion and lacking in scruples.   

       I bill by the hour.
MikeD, Sep 29 2010

       [2 Fries], I just saw your link. You continue to amaze me.
MikeD, Sep 29 2010

       You will say "I do". You have 20 seconds to comply.
Jinbish, Sep 29 2010


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