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Monsanto "Quiet Stomach" coffee beans

Coffee that doesn't mess up your stomach.
  (+2, -3)
(+2, -3)
  [vote for,

You come into work, grab a cup of coffee, sit down and take in the day. A few minutes pass you have a meeting a few floors up, you get on the elevator, you feel like your about to shit you're pants, like you have some sort of minor stomach flu and then you must run to the toilet. Sometimes one cup of coffee can mean three sudden desperate dashes to the toilet in the span of an hour and a half.

Why not cross papaya or saw dust or whatever makes diarrhea medicine work with coffee so we may enjoy our morning amphetamine with a calm tummy.

Protector of Mankind, Mar 14 2002

http://www.nlm.nih..../article/002282.htm Peristalsis [Protector of Mankind, Mar 14 2002]

which leads us to... http://www.halfbake...istaltic_20flushing
shameless self-promotion [mihali, Mar 14 2002]

Clipper organic teas and coffees http://www.clipper-teas.com
Also fair traded. i.e. no middle men. [DrBob, Mar 14 2002]


       I have never had that sort of reaction to coffee. I would imagine if it were a common thing, we'd have heard about it by now, and there'd be steps taken such as medications/non-reactive coffee brands on the market.   

       Have you tried a few mornings without coffee, to see if you just have this morning phenomena anyway? You might have really enthusiastic peristalsis.
waugsqueke, Mar 14 2002

       I thought it bugged a good chunk of people. I know we joke about it around the office. I know it bugs a least one of my buddies and my mom. I love you mom.
Protector of Mankind, Mar 14 2002

       Maybe it's something in the local water.
dag, Mar 14 2002

       Do what waugs said: do without coffee for a couple of mornings, see if you still get the effects. If they go away, then try drinking coffee that you obtain elsewhere -- if it doesn't give you trouble, then you know that it is just the coffee at work.

There have been stories on nightly news programs about co-worker poisonings, in which the assailant used the office coffee pot as the means of distribution. Outside chance, I know, but one possible explanation for what appears to be a very local phenomenon for PoE's workplace.

Other things you might want to check: molds or fungi in the coffee system (old equipment might not be hot enough; maybe high-temp loving species have found the tap/spout); water impurities; localized viruses. Or the so-called "sick building" syndrome, which is both (a) not as widespread and epidemic-like as some scare-mongers say, and (b) capable of being a very serious issue. In other words, real cases of it are rare, but truly sick buildings are really unhealthy.

But your reaction is certainly not normal.
quarterbaker, Mar 14 2002

       what *are* you saying qb?
po, Mar 14 2002

       I've just done some cursory, though reasonably thorough checking around on this. I have found a number of sources which indicate that caffeine does stimulate the digestive system, yes. But not to the extend that it makes you run to the bathroom.   

       Everything I've read so far suggests that this reaction is indicative of irritable bowel syndrome. You should check into this. You really should. Despite the preponderance of this effect within your social circle, it is not a normal reaction to caffeine.   

       Since caffeine is the malefactor here, what you're looking for is decaffeinated coffee. So, this is baked.   

       You might be interested to know that 'science' has successfully grown genetically modified caffeine-free coffee beans, which, since they do not require decaffeination, retain all of the original flavo(u)r. I wouldn't touch the stuff myself.
waugsqueke, Mar 14 2002

       waugsqueke and others: I appreciate the concern, seriously, it's nice.   

       The thing is I, like many, drink coffee because its an amphetamine that helps me at work.   

       The original idea is to add something to a common drug that people take that is known to cause stomach problems. I dont really have to run to the bathroom, normally it just feels like it for 15 minutes or so and then it passes (though sometimes I have to RUN) but why have any discomfort at all.
Protector of Mankind, Mar 14 2002

       Eat more bananas. I used to get the same effect but was recomended at least 1 banana a day and it calms the IBS.
dare99, Mar 14 2002

       <climbs on hobby horse> Sounds to me like you need less additives, not more. Try changing your coffee brand. See link. </climbs on hobby horse>

I agree with dare99's banana suggestion as well. When I was in permanent residence on a lavatory in India, one of the locals, who came in every morning to collect my laundry (no comments please), recommended them as the cure for 'Delhi Belly'. Worked a charm. Don't waste your time on Arrete and the like.
DrBob, Mar 14 2002

       Coffee is for wussies
thumbwax, Mar 14 2002

       perhaps crossing the anti Delhi Belly banana genes into the coffee beans would do the trick.   

       On a personal note, I will try eating a banana with my coffee tommorow morning.
Protector of Mankind, Mar 14 2002

       Have you considered the milk you might be adding to your coffee? Perhaps you and your colleagues are/ are becoming lactose-intolerant? It would cause similar reactions to what you've described.
superspygirl, Mar 15 2002

       Tea is also nice in the morning. It has less caffeine than coffee plus you can control the strength of tea much easier than coffee - remove teabag!
bluerowan, Mar 15 2002

       blissmiss, waht's a phoof?
dare99, Mar 15 2002

       Rods - I thought you were to old to still believe in Monsanto Clause...
goff, Mar 15 2002

       I tried going without coffee (and other caffeine laced products) during this last July (2003). I went an entire 4 weeks without the stuff. Way too hard to get through the day. I recommend using some pepto bismal as your creamer if you get the runs from coffee.
namuh, Sep 17 2003

       I think you'll find it is just a small bout of lactose intolerance. A friend of mine can only drink black coffee since discovering she's lactose intolerant. If she has even a little bit of milk in it she has to do the dash...
BeanCounter, Nov 02 2006

       I've found coffee sets off my IBS, so I don't drink it any more :( As far as this idea goes, though, if you can produce a hypoallergenic kitten, then I don't see why coffee beans shouldn't yield to similar treatment. Bun.
moomintroll, Nov 03 2006

       I often felt crook after the morning coffee. I worked out that for me it's the hot milk. Ergo, I drink stupidly strong black coffee, maybe 3 out of 5 mornings in a work week.   

       I'm not sure if I'm lactose intolerant, IBS or what, but milk products almost always make me feel unwell, especially if I'm exercising, eating spicy foods, or am stressed. Light milk and lactose free milk doesn't seem to help.
Custardguts, Nov 06 2006


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