Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Now that's a GOOD cup of coffee

Measure coffee and make it better
  [vote for,

This AI program would keep track of several perimeters: Where I bought the coffee I'm drinking this morning, what brand it is, water temperature at brewing, acidity, and a few others. These factors would be associated with a simple 1-10 output, from me, as to how I'm enjoying my coffee a few swallows in. I could be in a bad mood on some days, or I could have purchased a particularly good or bad batch, but over a couple of years patterns would emerge that would prove the kind of coffee I like best and how I like it prepared. If many people do this universal truths could be learned about the Brew of the Gods.
Voice, Jul 26 2022

Starbucks https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j0deaskGSuA
stupid in 3 different languages [xenzag, Jul 28 2022]


       Taste is subjective, so you will never get "universal truths".
neutrinos_shadow, Jul 26 2022

       True, but there will be a brief historical interval in which output from machine learning can be passed off as universal truth.   

       Something similar happened with spreadsheets in the late 80s.   

       The interval ends when people are reminded about GIGO, and have to go back to creeping existential horror.   

       There ought to be a new version of Amy Winehouse's "Back to Black", where the lyrics are about epistemological and existential problems, instead of love triangles.   

       Or they could be about triangles but only if the triangles are metaphors for Hegelian synthesis.   

       Hegelian synth should be an instrument. An instrument of what, I'm not sure.   

       {edit: Oi, Autocorrect; who did you think "Amy Whitehouse" was?}
pertinax, Jul 26 2022

       Coffee is a particularly irritating thing to try and get right. Every now and then I get a heavenly example. Can I re-create it consistently? No. It doesn't matter if I make it, or I go to a particular coffee shop, on the same day of the week with the same people working. All I can do is raise the minimum standard and slightly increase the likelihood/frequency of those great cups. Tea, I can get right 95% of the time, I don't understand the difference.   

       //The interval ends when people are reminded about GIGO, and have to go back to creeping existential horror.//   

       I spend an unreasonable amount of time in science re-introducing people to that horror. Most experiments are flawed, generating flawed papers, which serve as the flawed basis for further studies.
bs0u0155, Jul 27 2022

       I drink Nescafe Azera instant coffee, it's as good as starbucks.   

       It includes finely ground coffee, so it's delicious.   

       I get a good coffee 80% of the time. I use a dessert spoon amount of coffee and a 3 cm of milk in the cup before the hot water.
chronological, Jul 27 2022

       //I spend an unreasonable amount of time//   

       More power to your arm,[bs0], or to whichever limb you mostly use in this noble enterprise.
pertinax, Jul 28 2022

       The Second Cup Of Coffee was the best, but alas no longer with us along with its illustrious poster.
xenzag, Jul 28 2022

       //it's as good as starbucks. // //I get good coffee//

Starbucks coffee is the cheapest berries they can get, burnt to cinders for the purpose of uniformity and because of the low quality coffee they start with. If your coffee tastes like Starbucks, it ain't good.
Voice, Jul 28 2022

       //I drink Nescafe Azera instant coffee,//   

       I'll give it a try, instant coffee isn't coffee in the normal sense, but it definitely has its place.   

       //it's as good as starbucks.//   

       Oh dear. Their tea isn't bad, the red Tazo stuff specifically, quite a bold Assam heavy blend if my taste buds are right. The challenge is getting them to get it into a cup with hot enough water without any coffee contamination. Tea from a paper cup is all wrong, but in an emergency.
bs0u0155, Jul 28 2022

       Starbucks is rock bottom when it comes to coffee. In fact I don't recall ever getting a good cup of coffee anywhere in America, even in small independent cafes. European standards are simply so much higher. The junk food places are the worst, but Starbucks are particularly irritating with all that Tall, Grande crap.
xenzag, Jul 28 2022

       // I don't recall ever getting a good cup of coffee anywhere in America, even in small independent cafes. European standards are simply so much higher.//   

       I've had a few good cups, but in general you're correct. I wonder why. The water in the US is generally pretty hard, but that's true in lots of Italy/Spain etc. There's no shortage of effort in some of the more boutique places, and there's enough of them. There's plenty of people FROM good-coffee countries running restaurants etc. There's even plenty of people who are just a phone call away from someone selling good coffee. Why is it you can get better coffee from even the most tourist-trap cafes in europe vs here?   

       The most consistent coffee I have found is at my eye wateringly expensive gayborhood hairdressers. They have a German machine that absolutely refuses to make coffee unless all filters etc. are within spec. They refuse to tell me about the beans etc.
bs0u0155, Jul 28 2022

       Would you need AI to keep track of the parameters? If all coffee shops published these parameters, you'd just need an app that tracks them. After each coffee drank, the app asks you if it was better than the last. Do a bubble sort and regression to tease out your particular taste factors. Then the app would predict your ideal cup and send you directions to the ideal place, before you even try it, for a mere 15% gratuity.
xrayTed, Aug 02 2022


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