h a l f b a k e r y
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'I fear!' he quoth in tears,
as the road grumbled past,
'I cannot feel my fingers,
nor my legs, nor my ass!'
'My alternator is too weak,
to provide addn'l electricity,
thus heated coils remain
a fantastic felicity!
'It is unfair to my meat!
While there sits, betwixt my thighs,
that glows with heat;
A beast that groans and sighs!
'If only I had a copper tube,
affixed quite gently down below,
sliding within a larger tube,
adjustable while on the go!
'The contact area as it slides,
would go from little, to a lot,
transferring more heat as it glides,
to the top; a real hot pot!'
'Then as I ride, I slide my tubes,
up and down as I please!
Warming my meat upon my seat,
And I ride upon my ease!
'And for my frozen fingers,
an addn'l solution can be had,
A copper braid to my handlebars,
No longer will they feel so bad!'
Motorcycle seat heater
Seatheater.com [skinflaps, Oct 29 2007]
(?) under seat exhaust, no performance issues.
One wonders, matter of factly,
whether mylodon cast his gaze on a ducati [4whom, Oct 30 2007]
||Copper might be proper, but rubber would be....... unpoetic, but better.
||Oh, and are you sure this isn't done? Seems too simple not to be, (essentially length of hose and regulating valve) course I didn't look hard! Still, good anyway.[+]
||Or did you mean copper tube collector for air cooled models? Would only have to go around outside of cylinder a couple of times, so probably not impair cooling fins too much on a hot day. Course then you would need a circulating pump too. Good luck with your cold arse!
||Kudos for the rhyming, I will not even attempt.
I have a LOT of experience with being cold on a motorcycle as I commuted up at back to Syracuse on a lot of cold weekends on a Yamaha 550. My confusion is that you have a water cooled motorcycle with a weak alternator, which seems rare. If not water cooled then you need copper piping to stick in the fins and a tiny water pump to pump the antifreeze. You need hard tubes on top also or they will pinch off when you sit on them. I personally found that heated chaps and heated glove inserts (I know the chaps sound gay, but it was COLD) worked best for me running off the electrical power.
||O'er every detail he scoured
Ere the first draught was poured
And rough draughts were drawn
to numerous to mention
As the idea fermented
The first prototype cemented
A little of this, some more of that
another droplet from the vat
Lo Behold! a design so clear
to warm your derriere
||And in the still and quiet of night
Our brave inventor tried to fight
The urge that all inventors dread
To pick their works down to the thread
At some point he was forced
Admitting to heat from the exhaust
With simple redirection, (although fortuitous)
He warmed the maximus gluteus
||But, quick, pass us another bottle
We still need to heat up the throttle
||You'd probably want the seat to be hot before you sit on it, so some kind of projectile thrown at it on your way to the bike might be good. This, of course, would be a Seat Heating Missile.
||4whom, your idea shows clearly
a way to warm my meats,
For nights, in life tis proven.
exhaust doth warm my sheets.
||On one detail must I tarry;
The redirected pipe; exhaust.
If rerouted, shrunk and lengthened,
Much efficiency would be lost!
||Heated car seats have been proven,
To be harmful to the sperm.
And whilst I sympathise with you,
I must remain quite firm.
||Those dangly bits, you know,
They dangle for a reason.
To ensure that humans as a race,
Do not go out of season.
||I suggest you take a friend along,
To share some body heat.
And warm your upper torso,
Whilst not steaming your meat.
||To keep you warm yet cool below,
The best solution, shirley,
Would be to heat the handlebars,
And a bitch-pad for your girly.