Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Mr Dyson's Chop-sticks

chop-sticks with suction
(+3, -3)
  [vote for,

Mr Dyson likes to diversify his patented vacuum cleaner technology, and has noticed "a significant gap in the market".

Chop-sticks are excellent, but not great for eating any kind of "particle" food, like boiled rice. Mr Dyson's Chop-sticks solve this problem. Here's how they work:

The two chop-sticks are hollow and terminate in rows of tiny holes. Each chopstick is connected via a flexible tube to one of Mr Dyson's patented vacuum devices. Now when you insert the chopsticks into your meal, the vacuum sucks a cluster of food around the holes at each of the ends, and very little of it falls off before you can get it into your mouth.

The whole apparatus comes with a reservoir into which the chop-sticks must periodically be placed so that their vacuum holes can be cleared of any clogging created by sticky food particles. The vacuum pump automatically reverses, then delivers a short blast of compressed air to achieve the resulting cleaning action. Food consumption then resumes.

Mr Dyson's Chop-sticks are totally bagless, so no loss of suction ever occurs.

aside: prolonged lingering of Mr Dyson's Chop-stick in the mouth have been known to create a condition commonly referred to as Mao Tse's Tongue.

xenzag, Jan 23 2014


       Ha - that's why it says "particle" food.
xenzag, Jan 23 2014

       sp. Mousey tongue
pocmloc, Jan 23 2014

       Always with the negative..... thanks for letting me know what I meant by the way.
xenzag, Jan 23 2014

       //Reasonable criticism if you ask me// - what happened to having a laugh here, and inventing mad fun products?
xenzag, Jan 23 2014

       //what happened to having a laugh here, and inventing mad fun products// I guess the same thing as having robust discussions on the relative merits of an idea without anyone taking it personally - oh no, actually that's always happened - as you were.
Zeuxis, Jan 23 2014

       If you ask me, the "sauce problem" represents an opportunity. How about a sauce trap somewhere in the system? There could be valves that permit ejection of the sauce from the tips of the chopsticks when suction is reversed. Diners would then have the opportunity to enjoy a backwash of sauce melange periodically during the meal.
the porpoise, Jan 23 2014

       //Noodles and rice are like sponges//   

       That is the sort of ill-considered, offhand comment that could only be made by someone who has never attempted to wash his car using noodles.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2014

       //I don't think it would necessarily suck up all the sauce.//   

       I don't think his concern is the lack of sauce on the food as a result, I think it's the amount of sauce gumming up the mechanism.
MechE, Jan 23 2014

       Maybe not a labour-saving device but it could certainly revolutionise nosepicking, I would venture.
UnaBubba, Jan 24 2014

       //And then there's the cleaning of the device. Not really a labor saver.// That is achieved most simply here: "The vacuum pump automatically reverses, then delivers a short blast of compressed air to achieve the resulting cleaning action." Mr Dyson is most thorough.
xenzag, Jan 24 2014

       There is, as always, a better way.   

       What is needed is a heavily-insulated metal chopstick and an extremely-high-voltage generator.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 24 2014


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