Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Muzak Zapper

Stop that bloody bouzouki!
  (+4, -1)
(+4, -1)
  [vote for,

Recognise this picture?

DrBob is sitting in his office with malfunctioning software on his computer. His is on the phone to the alleged 'customer helpline' and being forced to listen to 'soothing' muzak which is making him more and more angry.

The problem with muzak is that it gives the impression that absolutely nothing is happening at the other end of the phone line. When you phone up you are generally either annoyed or frustrated or both and the bland music that gets played at you only serves to give the impression that the people that you're phoning are treating the matter with less urgency than you are. Why can't I just press '0' on my phone pad to shut the bloody music up, eh?
DrBob, Jan 17 2002

Waiting Party Line http://www.halfbake...ty_20line#988916643
[jutta]'s solution [phoenix, Jan 17 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Telephone Music Selection http://www.halfbake...election#1008347238
[GusLacerda]'s solution [phoenix, Jan 17 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Waiting Party Line http://www.halfbake...line.html#988916643
[jutta]'s solution [phoenix, Oct 21 2004]

Telephone Music Selection http://www.halfbake...ion.html#1008347238
[GusLacerda]'s solution [phoenix, Oct 21 2004]


mihali, Jan 17 2002

       It works on both ends...I'm at work and had to call someone...and they had a MARIAH CAREY song as the hold music. The one where she ends up screeching in a voice only dogs can hear...Yeah, I know, that doesn't narrow it down much...   

       I came in right at the most ear-piercing part, I'm wearing headphones, and my nose started to bleed.
StarChaser, Jan 17 2002

       I bow to superior local knowledge, mihali.

Bliss, yes, it is a rant but it is a proper idea too. Seeing that you normally have to press a whole series of numbers on your pad before you get a real person to talk to, it would seem to me to be a simple(ish) piece of programming to recognise one more key press whilst the music's playing.

I knew I could reel StarChaser in with this one <grin>.
DrBob, Jan 17 2002

       if they gave you a choice of music, it might help. press a for Mariah Whatserface, b for, c for, d for, e for, f or, etc i think you get my drift.. like a jukebox
po, Jan 17 2002

       You've made one mistake in your reasoning: you assumed that they actually want you to remain on the line. this was a customer support line, right?

Generally, things are designed to have the exact effect they do have.

quarterbaker, Jan 17 2002

       Or if they could change the tones on your key pad, you could entertain yourself trying to play Scotland The Brave or something. Perhaps you could even queue jump if you manage Flight of the Bumblebee in under a minute?
mcscotland, Jan 17 2002

       I'd never considered it explicitly before, but I agree that Muzak gives the impression that the person on the other end is painting their toenails while you wait. Ignoring the truth of qb's observation for a moment, and knowing that many people calling the help line are already upset with the company, perhaps it would be a good idea to replace the "soothing" Muzak with recordings of people being tortured for gross incompetence and negligence. Then maybe the callers could be forced to hold for even longer without deciding to come down to the office and throw hand grenades through the windows.
beauxeault, Jan 17 2002

       Haw! Good one, beaux!
snarfyguy, Jan 18 2002

       An AWESOME idea!
bspollard, Dec 13 2002


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