Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Nasal hair removal

Remove nose and ear hair with this long-lasting and affordable treatment
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(+8, -7)
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A few years ago I caught a glimpse of what nature has in store for some of us. I was working with an older fellow from Baltimore and he had the most incredible nose hair. It looked as though someone had stuffed a hamster into each nostril. I eventually worked up the gumption to ask him why he hadn't dealt with what was so obviously a grooming faux pas (we got to be pretty good friends) and he told me he couldn't imagine how that might be accomplished. He told me he had tried every conceivable way of cutting the hairs, from rotary trimmers to manicurist's scissors but to no avail. His grotesque nares had only gotten more hairy. They became the topic of whispered conversations at work, all of us dreading a possible nasal infection. Having worked in clinics and nursing homes for some time, I had seen several extra-large versions of the simple Q-tip in use for everything from swabbing a cut with povodine to debriding a wound. This occured to me whilst I was contemplating Steve's condition and it inspired an idea for treatment.

Now suppose we take this giant Q-tip and dip it in some dipilatory wax. We let it sit in the wax till well saturated, whereupon it is thrust into the desired nostril and allowed to cool. A friend should then be engaged to remove the device, possibly gaining leverage and a strong purchase by means of placing one palm against the forehead and using the other hand to suddenly and powerfully tug the implement out of the nostril, hair and all. Many people have asked "What about the pain?". I have been assured by several women who have their bikini lines waxed on a regular basis that the pain, though intense, is fleeting. Obviously the entire process would be repeated for the other nostril. One could go so far as to re-use the wax several times (with an eye toward frugality) so as to make the most of the material. Steve, a Scotsman, pointed out that this treatment should also prove useful in removing ear hair, apparently a common condition in Scotland.

alerion5, Jan 06 2006

dwoik http://www.nobodyhe...om/justme/nose.here
dwoik [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 06 2006]

Nasal Filters For use after the successful implementation of your idea. [Worldgineer, Jan 06 2006]

Neet for men http://www.thesneez...archives/000444.php
for [bungston] [Worldgineer, Jan 06 2006]

Ow. http://video.google...=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=iv#
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jul 10 2008]


       welcome.. [alerion5].. I'm not sure that using wax to remove hair is a particularly new invention, nor do I understand why the conventional clipper would ever not be able to do the job. Perhaps you could elucidate ?

P.S. is this what the 'ear wax' I've heard talk of is all about ? Also.. whilst I'm at it 'nasal hair' isn't a particularly fantastic title.
neilp, Jan 06 2006

       Surely methodology counts for something? I've not heard of wax being used for the removal of nose hair before but I confess I am no enthusiast. As to the idea of using conventional clippers, I understand your incredulity but I assure you, the hairs in question could accurately be described as stalks. Apologies for the title- I forgot a word.
alerion5, Jan 06 2006

       where's thumbwax when you need him?
po, Jan 06 2006

       a croisant for the awesome description alone :-) ... in practice this would have problems however - I bet one would get a pretty nasty nose bleed from this procedure ... in a cartoon version perhaps even a lobotomy.
ixnaum, Jan 06 2006

       I agree. It made me grin.
bristolz, Jan 06 2006

       Bun for first idea post, and welcome. Nasal hairs are there for a porpoise you know - to prevent various air plankton particles from getting down into your lungs.   

       As for the Scottish ear hair, well it's my understanding (from my Scottish mother) that this is deliberately cultivated so that they can't hear the dreaded remark "It's your round Jimmy" when in the pub.
ConsulFlaminicus, Jan 06 2006

       // possibly gaining leverage and a strong purchase by means of placing one palm against the forehead and using the other hand to suddenly and powerfully tug the implement out of the nostril//
Which doesn't compare to tying the implement to the end of a crossbow dart and firing it at a man to be executed, with the traditional Scottish executioner’s scream, “Iiiiieeeeee! My nose hair in your chest!”
ldischler, Jan 06 2006

       My eyes, my eyes...[QuantumMechanique] that's just sooo wrong.(mmmm. spaghetti)   

       Bake it.
skinflaps, Jan 06 2006

       I have heard nose hairs are actually incredibaly painful to pull out. Having all of them come out at once could be a bit severe. The nose has quite a few more nerves than legs
miasere, Jan 06 2006

       // I use pliers//
You have small nostrils. I use a machete.
ldischler, Jan 06 2006

       Surely waxing is supposed to work against the nap of the hair? Unfortunately this means driving the q-tip into the head.   

       Maybe a compromise is possible where you go across the nap by attaching the giant q-tip to a power-drill.   

st3f, Jan 06 2006

       If I remember correctly, Steve did try plucking them out. It must have been excruciating. BELIEVE me when I say this is NOT hyperbole; his nose hairs were too thick and numerous for conventional methods of removal. I acknowledge the bleeding problem but I think everyone, including Steve, would rather see a bloody kleenex in each nostril than the offensive wad of fur in question. BTW,I LOVE the drill idea- puts control back in the hands of the patient.
alerion5, Jan 06 2006

       Pack some Veet up there?
coprocephalous, Jan 06 2006

       Rapunasal let down your nose hair so we can attach the electrodes and fry the little suckers for good.   

       Reluctant pluckers just need a little practice. [link]   

       //Most painful thing about plucking hairs would be that you try but don't succeed// Ain't nothin' more dangerous than a wounded nose hair - ornery, mean and spiteful.
coprocephalous, Jan 06 2006

       //The nose has quite a few more nerves than legs// My nose doesn't have any legs at all...
wagster, Jan 06 2006

       My eyes started watering just reading this. OUCH!!!! However, if a person has a problem with excessive nose hair and can stand the pain, it may be helpful.
DVineMissEva, Jan 06 2006

       wagster: How does it run?
st3f, Jan 06 2006

       On trying this technique exactly as described, I accidentally inverted my nose. On the plus side I found that I snored much less. Also, it exposed the nose hairs well, allowing me to shave them with my regular razor.
bungston, Jan 06 2006

       st3f: awful   

       Oh sorry, wrong joke.
wagster, Jan 06 2006

       Gad! I hadn't thought about electrolysis! Good call 2 fries. I still think the agonizing -but-short-lived-pain of my method would be preferrable to the smaller-pains-over-and-over that would result from burning the hair out. a painless alternative might be decorative braiding.
alerion5, Jan 06 2006

       So instead of cornrows, that would be cornnose?
normzone, Jan 06 2006

       Could one not snort Nair?
bungston, Jan 06 2006

       I don't know, but I know of someone who would probably try it (link).
Worldgineer, Jan 06 2006

       What about that DHT hormone that they say is responsible for male pattern baldness. Perhaps this can be injected into places where you DONT want hair.
Jscotty, Jan 07 2006

       Injected? I think I'll stay with the hemostat.
lurch, Jan 07 2006

       "Hold still while we shove this needle up your nose"
DesertFox, Jan 07 2006

       The nose is a rather sensitive area not to mention not werll attatched...if someone were to wax your nostril it would hurt like hell, and probably break your nose if not take it clean off. How about a Veet or Immac type product to just make it all vanish...ehhh?
shinobi, Jan 08 2006

       I think the DHT hormone, as Jscotty proposed would certainly be worth to be investigated for posible topical use, perhaps suspending the DHT in DMSO gel or other skin infiltrating creme one could just rub it on the nose instead of injecting it
jvanguts, Jan 08 2006

       I agree this method would hurt but take your nose clean off? I don't know... it might remove some tissue from inside the nose surrounding the follicles but I think the nose would remain intact. My girlfriend says the Veet idea would probably be far more painful. That stuff dissolves the hair using what I gather to be a powerful enzyme. Steve would need a few applications of the stuff and flushing it out would undoubtedly contaminate the sinuses with severe consequences. In the hope of further enlightening this discussion, I used a small pair of needle nose pliers to remove about six or seven nose hairs from my own nostril. Aside from my eyes tearing up slightly, an overwhelming wave of nausea and a period of two or three minutes (I lost track of time) during which I kicked the baseboard in my bathroom while repeatedly asking Heidi "Is it bleeding!?!" I felt no discomfort. This said, I think Steve would probably still go for it. He was a desperate fellow and far tougher than I. He drank his beer, wine, scotch or milk directly from the bottle and picked his teeth with a piece of a vinyl LP he whittled down for the purpose. I think he would see this as a challenge. In fact , I shall atttempt to ring him up(if I can find him) and ask him directly.
alerion5, Jan 09 2006

       If the problem is as bad as you describe, I suspect that a blowtorch and a machete are the only likely solutions. However, you need to carry out the work with care as such extreme areas of nasal hair are know to harbour tribes of headhunters, long-forgotten Japanese soldiers, tigers, hordes of vicious army ants and cholera. Sometimes all together in the same area.
DrBob, Jul 11 2008

       //My eyes started watering just reading this//
I remember a Dave Allen routine where he explored this.
You know when actors bury their head in their hands and when they take their hands away, they're crying?
Allen surmised that they were hooking nasal hairs twixt thumbs, so that when they took their hands away from their face, the hairs would come too, and the tears would be genuine.
coprocephalous, Jul 11 2008

       I think Steve needs to pluck them. One by one. It will be hell for the first few months but the pores and follicles will widen eventually and it will get easier. I don't get teary at all when I pluck my nasal hairs now. Used to.
phundug, Jul 13 2008


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