Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Nativity Blockbusters

Secular themes for children to enact
  (+14, -3)(+14, -3)
(+14, -3)
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Basically, Terminator* performed by 5 year-olds, in front of their parents, at Christmas.

* or Star Wars - whatever works best

zen_tom, Dec 10 2008

Advent Calendar² Advent Calendar²
Obvious prior art [zen_tom, Dec 10 2008]

[link]






       Amazing. [+]
theleopard, Dec 10 2008
  

       <Baby Jesus, on the Cross> I'll be back </bjotc> [+]
coprocephalous, Dec 10 2008
  

       Excellent. Really inspired. I'd pay money to see a class of 6-year-olds enact The Matrix (Neo being the obvious Christ figure). Other possibilities are Robocop and Superman.
hippo, Dec 10 2008
  

       'E's not Darth Vader, 'e's a very naughty boy!
Ian Tindale, Dec 10 2008
  

       I'd go for religious stories re-enacted in the mode of particular films. So (and slightly mixing my religious seasons for the sake of effect), for example:-

JAMES: "Judas intends to change the future somehow."

PETER: "I guess, yeah --" (snaps his fingers as it hit him) "Oh shit!!"

JAMES: "Jesus."

PETER: "Yeah, gotta be! Jesus! Judas's gonna blow him away!"
DrBob, Dec 11 2008
  

       <choir of primary school children>
"Who's the black private dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
SHAFT!
Ya damn right!

Who is the man that would risk his neck
For his brother man?
SHAFT!
Can you dig it?"

etc.</choir of primary school children>
hippo, Dec 11 2008
  

       <Edges slightly further away from hippo>
DrBob, Dec 11 2008
  

       Good Cop: Tell us who this Jesus guy is and what he's doing here and we'll let you go Peter.   

       Peter: Eh, I'm tellin yous, I ain't gotta clue, a'right?   

       Bad Cop: Listen asshole, we gotta find out who this guy is or the whole city's gonna fall apart, now sing!   

       Peter: Eh, what am I, a frikkin' wall here? I just told ya, I don't know the guy!   

       Bad Cop: Oh, you know... uh huh, you know... now spill, before I fill yer asse with my foot! You get me, sister?   

       Peter: What d'ya want from me? I got nuttin!   

       Good cop: Eh, this is our town, this is our pen, and round here, we're the big rooster.   

       Bad cop: Yeah, I'll give you a wake up call, you ready? Cock a- fucking-doodle-doo.   

       <an officer bursts in>   

       Officer: Sarge! Jesus has been killed!   

       Peter: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
theleopard, Dec 11 2008
  

       Mad TV did something like this, with the Terminator protecting Jesus, blowing away Judas, with Jesus healing him repeatedly.
RayfordSteele, Dec 12 2008
  

       //Twelve disciples... sounds like a drug ring to me...//   

       Yeah, my theory is that the story of the crucifixion was mistranslated. You know how people these days talk about "getting stoned" and "getting hammered"... maybe back then "getting crucified" was the equivalent slang.   

       "Jesus, my man! Where've you been? Haven't seen you since Friday!"   

       "Oh, dude, I got completely *crucified* that night. I mean, that was some good shit alright - I was sooo nailed to a cross... oh man..."   

       "Wow... quite a night hey?"   

       "Yeah, and the comedown, oh, it was bad - I was going through hell the next day or so, I tell ya. I was totally dead to the world on Saturday, I didn't even manage to get up 'til Sunday morning."   

       "You were in bed all that time?"   

       "Yeah - well, no actually, I woke up in a cave. No idea how I ended up there, man..."
imaginality, Dec 13 2008
  
      
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