Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Pantomime Whores

He's Behind You!
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As we start trudging determinedly towards Christmas my mind turns, somewhat inevitably, towards the sparceness of quality entertainment over the upcoming holiday period.

England's record on traditional entertainment isn't great, what with Mummers plays, Morris Dancing, Fox Hunting and WI Meetings but there is one bright spot. Pantomime!

I feel that it needs a bit of spicing up however. Time to move it forward into our decadent, immoral, worthless present and what could be more appropriate than introducing the 'adult' film industry tradition of making porn versions of well known favourites. It is, if you will excuse the expression, a furrow ripe for the ploughing.

So let's bring on the porn versions of Dick Whittington, Babes in the Wood and Jack and his Giant Beanstalk. I think it's a winner.
DrBob, Nov 14 2009

Jim Davidson Getting Close http://images.googl...esnum=1&sa=N&tab=vi
"Sinderella" and "Boobs in the Wood" Indeed! [gnomethang, Nov 14 2009]

[link]






       I am not prepared to say how I know this, but this idea is baked.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 14 2009
  

       Prove it! I dare you!
DrBob, Nov 14 2009
  

       // this idea is baked. //   

       Omnes: "Oh no it isn't !"
8th of 7, Nov 14 2009
  

       // porn versions of Dick Whittington, Babes in the Wood and Jack and his Giant Beanstalk//
Regretably, baked by Jim Davidson. Sorry, boned.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Nov 14 2009
  

       // this idea is baked. //
  

       Alia Omnes: "Oh Yes it is!" (Linky)
gnomethang, Nov 14 2009
  

       Rule #34.
tatterdemalion, Nov 14 2009
  

       sp. alii omnes
pertinax, Nov 15 2009
  

       very baked... or so I hear from [MB].
FlyingToaster, Nov 15 2009
  

       rule #35
xaviergisz, Nov 15 2009
  

       //Regretably, baked by Jim Davidson.//
Yes, but no AWOL & gnomethang! Somewhat half-baked by Jim Davidson &, probably, numerous other crap comedians in every stand up routine they have ever done, granted, but only as an adolescent fantasy and certainly with no intention of actually baking it. I'm thinking more of a cultural revolution but without the show trials and executions (apart from you two obviously ). See idea category.

// Sorry, boned.//

[insert double entendre here]
DrBob, Nov 15 2009
  

       I bunned. Does that give reference to what I think it does? In your smutty little world Bobbykins?
blissmiss, Nov 15 2009
  

       I did not realise the smutty double-entendre of "buns" and "bone". This place will never be the same again for me.
pocmloc, Nov 15 2009
  

       Given the usual form of Ugly Sisters in panto, we're shading ever closer to transvestite navvy clown porn here.
calum, Nov 16 2009
  

       // transvestite navvy clown porn //   

       The Horror ..... The Horror ....
8th of 7, Nov 16 2009
  

       Either that or he's had some of [bungston]'s funny mushrooms.
8th of 7, Nov 16 2009
  

       //your smutty little world //

Blissy, you have wounded me to the very core! I wouldn't dream of introducing mere smut to the 'bakery. I am a purveyor of high class, erotic entertainment. Good, wholesome fun for all the family of a consenting age and their pets. But I forgive you. I am sure you merely confused me with calum and his tawdry, working-class, cross-dressing fantasies. At least, I hope they are just fantasies.
DrBob, Nov 16 2009
  

       Although no great surprise if one considers the female talent for hitting exactly where it hurts, without mercy.
8th of 7, Nov 16 2009
  

       and here I thought he'd be offended most by "Bobbykins". Guess I don't know him as well as I thought.
blissmiss, Nov 16 2009
  

       [Stares moodily into half-empty pint glass]

And that's just the problem. Nobody ever takes the time to know the *real* me. Just because I'm a xenophobic*, pervert, oppressor of the masses, unmerciful critic of the wealthy, powerful and privileged, kicker of puppies and kittens and general nay-sayer they think that I'm not a real person. But even us bad apples have a pulsing, beating...err..core. Inedible and maggoty though it might be.

*Actually, it's not just foreigners I hate. It's everyone really. And everything. Apart from chocolate.
DrBob, Nov 16 2009
  

       Piss in kinky Boots
Parmenides, Nov 16 2009
  

       "When they said Snow White was feeling Grumpy, it wasn't a metaphor ...."
8th of 7, Nov 16 2009
  

       Seven Up
Dub, Nov 16 2009
  

       What, and give fairy tales a bad name? Will Gramma no longer be pitied for being eaten by the wolf?
outloud, Nov 18 2009
  

       Now everyone will know that Goldilocks has been sleeping around and that Dorothy, high on drugs, ran off with three pervs looking for nirvana.   

       Hansel and Gretel will have made a crumby attempt at interrupting a pedofile scourge, successful non-the-least.
outloud, Nov 18 2009
  

       [outloud], stop thinking.
theleopard, Nov 18 2009
  

       Sounds more like an outbreak of foot fetishists. They hide in shoe shops, masquerading as employees you know. Secretly touching and caressing the feet of unsuspecting shoppers. Always bringing you the wrong shoe size just so that they can prolong their secret abuse for just one more fitting. Eeew!

Sounds ideal for a scene in Cinderella.
DrBob, Nov 18 2009
  
      
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