Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Nicotine Candles

Aesthetically pleasing and aromatic. Not to mention you can get your nicotine hit without alerting your significant other.
  (+9, -8)
(+9, -8)
  [vote for,

Tired of being nagged by your significant other every time you step out for a smoke?

Constantly irritated by do-gooders insisting that second-hand smoke is evil?

Rub it in their face without them realizing it with this, our new product: the nicotine candle.

A simple way to get your nicotine hit and make it last. Not to mention you can secretly get your significant other hooked on nicotine and not even know it.

we_dont_eat_them, Feb 07 2007


       "dear, you're not stepping out for a cigarette, are you?"   

       "Oh no, no, I know you think it's a dirty habit, honey. I'm just lighting this candle. It adds ambience."   

       "you know, suddenly I feel so much better!"
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 07 2007

       How incensetive.   

       In a strange twist of irony [2 fries short of a happy meal] you spelled "insensitive" as "incensetive".   

       Incense, of course, being an 'aromatic gum or other substance that produces a sweet smoke when burned, used to enhance one's mood'.
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 07 2007

       Hence why he wrote it, I presume...
theleopard, Feb 07 2007

       One can only hope.
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 07 2007

       wow. Did you see the joke, [2 fries]? did you get it? incense, insense. haha. I mean you didn't really mean it right? haha. You didn't mean it when you wrote it did you? haha. no one's that clever, right?   


Custardguts, Feb 07 2007

       you know, that's what I though at first, but then I figured I'd just be polite like [theleopard] and act like he did it on purpose to seem clever.   

       Who knows? [2 fries] may be the greatest genius among us. and if that be the case...   

       i totally knew it first!
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 07 2007

       We could wax lyrical about it for some time.
Texticle, Feb 07 2007

       Nicotine is a very dangerous poison. Any candle that is potent enough give you a buzz from the vapors would also have to be potent enough to kill you just by ingesting the tiniest bit of the wax.
quantum_flux, Feb 07 2007

       WAX!!! HAHAHA. bet you didn't mean that one either [Text] OMG what are the chances, two totally way out and funny puns, completely unintentional on the one idea. wow.   

       [w_d_e_t]... <nudge> ... did you get that one? wax. candles.   

Custardguts, Feb 08 2007

       Can someone shed some light on what we are talking about?
daseva, Feb 08 2007

       I can't hold a candle to [2 fries].
Texticle, Feb 08 2007

       Nah, He's just blowing smoke.
daseva, Feb 08 2007

       Second hand smoke, anyone?
DrCurry, Feb 08 2007

       Sounds like a wickan ritual.
normzone, Feb 08 2007

       I'll pass on the candle, thanks; I prefer Lights.
imaginality, Feb 08 2007

       [quantum_flux], I hope the consumers who buy this candle would be smart enough to realize that "consumer" means to purchase, and not to actually consume. I would imagine that anyone who bought this candle would be intelligent enough not to eat the wax.
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 08 2007

       ...besides, candles shouldn't smoke either. [-]
xandram, Feb 08 2007

       [we dont eat them] but realize who we're talking about...people who are desperate for their nicotine hit, do you really think they'd take the time to stop and simply inhale the smoke?   

       Nah. Why not take a chunk outa the thing.
fire-rider87, Feb 08 2007

       I've got to start using my spell checker more often.   

       If the nicotine was depositd in layers, the candle could blow smoke rings.   

       Hahahahahha, [2 fries] that is one funny thing to visualize.   

       unfortunately, not possible *shrug*, since the smoke originates from the burning herb, not the burning nicotine.   

       spot on visualization, though.
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 08 2007

       Wicked idea, [2 fries].
Texticle, Feb 08 2007

       [quantum_flux], you seem a tad bit hostile.   

       if you don't like this page, then click somewhere else, k?   

we_dont_eat_them, Feb 08 2007

       [quantum_flux]'s point about the poisonousness of the wax seems a good point to me. You might not eat it, but your kids? And it would be an easy murder weapon - crumble a few tiny bits of the wax into someone's dinner.   

       And aside from the dangeousness of it, wouldn't the amount of nicotine required make it also a very very expensive candle?
imaginality, Feb 08 2007

       It sure would burn a hole in your wallet.
Texticle, Feb 08 2007

       was going for funny, not hostile, but maybe the joke died from too much nicotine though. It's funny because it's an immaterial object (a soul) hitting a material thing (the ceiling), and that can't technically happen.
quantum_flux, Feb 09 2007

       hahahha, I just got a few more jokes out of all these annotations. intentional? you decide.   

       [normzone] you said //sounds like a wickan ritual// hahahha and [text] you said //sounds wicked//   



       get it?   


       from a candle.   

we_dont_eat_them, Feb 09 2007

       I'm all for taking your nicotine hit away where only you know of it.   +
reensure, Feb 11 2007

       ...how about some nicotine doughnuts?
xandram, Feb 11 2007

       I would votive this was a good idea!
jhomrighaus, Feb 11 2007

       /and [text] you said //sounds wicked///   

       No, I didn't, and I find the misquotation to be most inflammatory.
Texticle, Feb 11 2007

       Now text don't get all fired up, you wouldn't want to snuff out the spirit of her intentions.
jhomrighaus, Feb 12 2007

       You're right, I certainly don't want to burn any bridges. Your comments are most illuminating.
Texticle, Feb 12 2007

       oops sorry [text], next time i'll quote you accurately. I was just so excited.   

       oh, and [jhaumrighaus], thank you for sticking up for my intentions, but I'd appreciate it if you got my gender correct. I'm a woman.   

       thanks. *blows a kiss*   


       *full of nicotine, of course*
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 12 2007

       You still haven't quite gotten into the whole HB vibe yet my dear. Read everything twice and see if it might have another purpose or meaning. On the plus side, you have managed to generate a fairly lively early post which is more than can be said for most of us.
jhomrighaus, Feb 12 2007

       **Coughs on cloud of smoke, turns green**   

       disclaimer; the text you will read below may contain information that will reveal solutions to questions you might have had, if you do not wish to be in the know then do not continue.   


       Hint; read Texticle and myself recent exchange with the theme "words related to candles" in mind. You may discover that Texticle wasn't really upset about being misquoted and I wasn't really defending your intentions(or at least not 100%)   

       You'll do fine here.
jhomrighaus, Feb 12 2007

       Yes, I'm sharp enough to catch the connotations referring to the whole 'candle' theme. so while I also appreciate you trying to 'take me under your wing' so to speak, you don't need to talk to me like I'm a child.   

       hmm...I almost said something else but my better judgement stopped me *get out of my head*   

       hehe, btw, thanks for changing "his" to "her". I feel my estrogen returning as we speak.
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 12 2007

       Children generally don't read disclaimers, nor do they have an accurate understanding of percentages. :)
daseva, Feb 12 2007

       touche, [gumbob], touche.
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 12 2007

       Jeeze, Dont be so sensitive, or you are gonna last like a week before you go crazy. You seem to have a rather rigid sense of humor(based on what Ive seen so far at least).   

       As to "taking you under my wing" I would say you are over reading the situation just a little. You would also be quite surprised at the number of new bakers who run screaming from the kitchen because they didn't grasp the humor or the puns or whatever got handed to them.   

       I like many you will encounter here, was endeavoring to encourage and guide you to the production of better quality ideas and commentary solely out of a selfish desire to have more and better reading material. You're new here so don't get so worked up until you gain a better base of experience to understand our intentions and motivations, most of us are selfish, egomaniacle pedants who enjoy nothing more than blathering on incessantly about the minutia of inconsequential topics of interest to no-one but ourselves.
jhomrighaus, Feb 12 2007

       I wasn't trying to get 'worked up', i was just stating what I was thinking, just like you did. Sorry.
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 12 2007

       There you go again.   

       Stop apologizing for things, Smile you are among friends here. With few exceptions everything here is said in a positive vein or with humorous intention(even if it doesn't read like that at first glance). I was giving you a hard time and it was not my intention for you to feel as if you had done something you needed to apologize for.   

       As a general rule most of what I have to say about most things doesn't amount to a hill of ant poo in a pig sty so, you may feel free to ignore, disregard or otherwise cast dispersions upon anything that comes out of my keyboard.
jhomrighaus, Feb 12 2007

       *takes back apologies* right-o, no more of that, then.   


       back to the kitchen for me.
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 12 2007

       This thread has smouldered on for almost a week. Congratulations on igniting such a heated debate.
Texticle, Feb 12 2007

       What about a slow burning weed candle.
Antegrity, Feb 13 2007

       I should just mind my own beeswax but my guess is that it would be too tempting to burn it at both ends.   

       [Frank], you need to take the wax out of your ears and listen up. That line's already been used.
daseva, Feb 13 2007

       [GumBob], thanks for shedding light on that.
Texticle, Feb 13 2007

       Yes [GumBob] you have always been a pillar of the HB community, helping to mold our perceptions. That is the true core of the HB. Bravo!
jhomrighaus, Feb 13 2007

       [GumBob] is a beacon of enlightenment.
Texticle, Feb 13 2007

       Hey, you guys are great, really. You give me such a warm glowing feeling.   

       This community is a thing of necessity for me. If I were a fish, you'd be my paraffins. Oooh, please count that.
daseva, Feb 13 2007

       When I first read this, I thought it said, "Nitroglycerin Candles."   

       Then I saw the first anno, which wrapped up with "I feel so much better!"   

       I guess that's more of a heart patient product.
elhigh, Feb 20 2007

       Wow [elhigh] you don't miss a beat, I'm really glad you found a way to jump start the discussion again, I just hope it doesn't blow out of control.
jhomrighaus, Feb 20 2007

       wow, it's starting back up again!   

       *buckles up*
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 21 2007

       Dunno what you're all so worried about. I've said it before - smoking's cool and it makes you look big, clever, sexy and sophisticated. Also, when you smoke in moderation it's easy for you body to detox from the bad stuff in cigs. I recommend sticking to about 20 a day. Also, that way, you get over the horrible taste quickly and you get to sleep sound at night safe in the knowledge that you've made a valuable contribution to your country's tax coffers.   

       As for giving up, as I've also said before: Nobody likes a quitter, least of all Phillip Morris Inc, who also run the KKK, if my school yard conspiracy-mongering chums of yore were right. Which they weren't.   

       While we're at it, what am i going to use to make my fingers yellow and give my clothes that knee-tremblingly attractive arome d'Eau d'Ashe if i have to light a candle to get my nico-hit. Talking of nico-hits, Nico, from the Velvet Underground was GREAT at smoking, and to prove that it's good for you, she died after falling off her push bike, or summink.
Murdoch, Feb 21 2007

       I....I....I have no words. That's perhaps one of the greatest paragraphs I've ever read.   

       rock on, [murdoch], rock on.
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 21 2007

       Whoa - satire! Way to go, Murdoch.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 21 2007

       When Captian we_don't_eat_them saw the many swimming vortexes of density gradients in the air, she exclaimed:   

       Eddies, soldier's!   

       To which, in some wafting zephyr of irony, they all pulled out their nicotine candles and lit up.
daseva, Feb 21 2007

       quit flamin' this smokin' idea.   

       If you put this candle in the wind would smoke get in your eyes?   



       I felt I had to contribute.
dentworth, Aug 01 2007

       This isn't punny anymore.
evilpenguin, Aug 01 2007

       I think it's going to taper off.
normzone, Aug 01 2007


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