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Offensive Hurricane Names

A naming convention more indicative of their actual nature
  [vote for,

With a name like "Charlie," you'd think last week's hurricane was a playful little puppy or a kindly uncle. This seems inappropriate for so nasty a phenomenon. Why not use a nomenclature that better characterizes their rude nature? I propose that hurricanes be assigned derogatory nicknames. The naming can still proceed alphabetically and alternate between male and female. For example, one year it might start with "Hurricane Airhead" and continue with "Hurricane Barfboy" and "Tropical Storm Crackwhore." This could really liven up weather reports:

"Now Bob with the weather. Bob, it looks like Hurricane Dickwad is headed right for the Florida Keys."

"That's right, Jim. What a prick."

There are certainly enough insults in the English language to last many years. If we run out, or just for variety, we switch to German.

kevindimie, Aug 20 2004

October 1987 http://www.stvincen...r/Severe/oct87.html
according to this, it was not a hurricane. [po, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Worldwide Tropical Cyclone Names http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/aboutnames.shtml
I don't know if they are offensive, but some of these are virtually unpronounceable [Klaatu, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Hurricane Bawbag http://en.wikipedia...ki/Hurricane_Bawbag
yes, Scotland has baked this idea. [calum, Jul 20 2012]

Typhoon Longwang http://en.wikipedia...ki/Typhoon_Longwang
[tatterdemalion, Jul 20 2012]

The Pathetic Fallacy http://en.wikipedia...ki/Pathetic_fallacy
Rather childish, really. [8th of 7, Jul 21 2012]


       Curiously, the most damaging and unpleasant person I have ever had the misfortune to meet was called Charlie.
calum, Aug 20 2004

       Funnily enough, I like this idea - not because I think the offensive name thing is good, but because I think the cutesy names for hurricanes is stupid. (+)
cloudhedd, Aug 20 2004

       Or maybe names that fit the reactions they get.   

       Hurricane Argh.
Hurricane Oh God My Face.
Hurricane Look Ethel The Cow's Flying.

       Just a thought.
harderthanjesus, Aug 20 2004

       <Aside> I'm amazed they still call it a "federal disaster area" and not a "business resumption opportunity."
phundug, Aug 20 2004

       [bwv] does that mean that when it gets down graded to a tropical storm it becomes 'hijo di puta'?
scubadooper, Aug 20 2004

       Hurricane dictator names: Adolf, Augusto, Benito, Fidel, Idi, Juan, Mao, Muammar, Nicolae, Pol, Slobodan, Vlad...
ldischler, Aug 20 2004

       [Idischler] so the headlines could read: Fidel strikes Florida! that would sell some papers for sure.
the27man, Aug 20 2004

       Thanks for the language lesson [bwv], just wanted to be inclusive to make sure that I offended as many people as possible ;)
scubadooper, Aug 20 2004

       I must say that Tropical Storm Crackwhore has a certain panache.
bungston, Aug 20 2004

       Bah, Portuguese is just Spanish spoken badly anyway.   

       *Runs away quickly*
harderthanjesus, Aug 20 2004

       I prefer Hurricane Bitchface myself.
shapu, Aug 20 2004

       I think one word curses would go nicely after "hurricane". Hurricane Cock, Hurricaine Crap, etc.
bungston, Aug 20 2004

       Interesting irony to this, as the old naming scheme of using all female names was found offensive by many. This led to the current scheme of alternating gender.
krelnik, Aug 20 2004

       I'm with [ldischler] here - you know where you are with a weather system called "Hurricane Adolf".
wagster, Aug 20 2004

       Hurricane Bastard.
Repeat if necessary.
If you don't know its name then you don't know that it's coming. If you do know its name but choose to stay then you are probably Mr Michael Mouse in Florida. Otherwise take advice from others and get out and then get over it.
God didn't invent Disneyworld but he did invent the Wind in all its shapes and forms.

       Sorry - my friend just got back from there and 'couldn't believe' the weather!.
gnomethang, Aug 20 2004

       Would the spanish/portugese use English names for their hurricanes or go with spanish/portugese names...?   

       "Y ahora es la hora para el informe sobre huracán 'hijo de una puta'."
swimr, Aug 20 2004

       What's foder mean in Portuguese? Isn't that a last name? Like Foder's travel books?   

       I vote for foreign curse words for hurricanes. Like Hurricane Sikdeer--in Turkish that's "Get the fuck outta here."
Machiavelli, Aug 20 2004

       [Bwv61] Lisping who, from where? What have you got against the Spaniards? I'm Canadian, but I have spent a large part of my life in Spain....
swimr, Aug 20 2004

       This is a funny fabulous idea.
dentworth, Aug 20 2004

       OK I understand, in that case, shame on Machiavelli!
swimr, Aug 20 2004

       I think the Weather Bereau could make some money on this. Sell off the naming of Hurricanes to different companies so they can name the hurricane after their competitor. "Hurricane Enron has hit hard!!" or "Tropical Storm Stewart is going away for good!!"
MrDaliLlama, Aug 21 2004

       That's a first, [bwv]. People usually blame me for bringing out the absolute best in them.
Machiavelli, Aug 21 2004

       nonono...better idea.   

       Companies pay money to the weather service to name hurricanes after competitors. Exxon would pay for Hurricane BP, and BP would respond by paying for Hurricane Royal Dutch Shell.
shapu, Aug 21 2004

       You could also go 'medical'. There are plenty of nasty things in medicine:
Hurricane Anus
Hurricane Bile
Hurricane Clamidia
Hurricane Defecate
Hurricane Emesis
Hurricane Fistula
Hurricane Wassermann
Hurricane Xanthosis
Hurricane Yersinia
Hurricane Zonulolysis
Klaatu, Aug 21 2004

       Why do we name hurricanes anyway? Why not just say there's a hurricane coming? That'd do it for me.
harderthanjesus, Aug 21 2004

       [bvw61] - congratulations, glad to hear it! I presume you're still not very well, but there's a world of difference between that and cancer.
wagster, Aug 21 2004

       // Why do we name hurricanes anyway? Why not just say there's a hurricane coming? //   

       Because it's easier to refer to them by name than by calling them "that storm at 14.5N 139.8W" every time.   

       This is not at all practical. I presume the + votes are for the humour aspect only. (Though I don't see that either.)
waugsqueke, Aug 21 2004

       How often is there more than one hurricane at once?
harderthanjesus, Aug 21 2004

       I expect people remember a hurricane's name better that a date, although the only really historically momentous english one that I remember is usually referred to as the 1987 storm (if it had a name, I don't know what it was)
po, Aug 21 2004

       I don't think it ever got named because they still insist that it 'wasn't a hurricane' (probably something to do with the definition of where hurricanes come from - over in japan they're Typhoons a much cooler name if you ask me, makes you think of a nice cup of tea)
scubadooper, Aug 21 2004

       [Po] I think it was called Typhoon Thatcher.   

       ...or Was it Maggie Mistral?
energy guy, Aug 21 2004

       Oo, historical satire! Ascerbic!
harderthanjesus, Aug 21 2004

       How bout Hurricane Schmericane?
yawn, Aug 21 2004

       That kind of makes it sound like you don't care that a destructive force of nature is headed your way, [yawn].
Machiavelli, Aug 21 2004

       I stand duely chastised. Five? That must have sucked.
harderthanjesus, Aug 22 2004

       There were five North Atlantic storms on the go during early September 1995.
waugsqueke, Aug 22 2004

       Seems a shame that we have never had a Hurricane Jutta. It's not exactly an uncommon name. And we've had Hurrricanes Alan, Christine, Hector, Peter and Stephen, amongst many others.
DrCurry, Aug 22 2004

       But then all the stupid Weather Channel people would call it hurricane jutta, not yutta, or nutta, or, well you get the point. They'd just get it wrong.   

       (Oh, and by the way, I think we did have a "hurricane jutta", not that long ago. It was just a local disturbance though.)   

       Oh, and that "hurrricane" Alan must a been a rrrealy bad one.
blissmiss, Aug 22 2004

       The name Hericane Bliss seems amiss.
FarmerJohn, Aug 23 2004

       For the sake of guaranteeing uniqueness, and avoiding language-specificity and generder bias, I vote we use a GUID name (Globally Unique ID). Look out - its hurricane {8ED4FA22-8817-4882-A975-3E055E3A109A}
dobtabulous, Aug 23 2004

       // "hurrricane" Alan must a been a rrrealy bad one //   

       Came ashore at Kingsville, TX. I kid you not.
waugsqueke, Aug 23 2004

       //Portuguese is just Spanish spoken badly anyway//   

       Too funny
Pericles, Aug 23 2004

       Hurricane AOL :(
Hurricane Time Warner @ (and their logo can be the Tasmanian Devil)
Offensive enough?
phundug, Aug 23 2004

       bwv: You do not appear to be stuck - that's a pretty reasonable facsimile of English.
DrCurry, Aug 23 2004

       Hurricane Hazel was 'retired' in 1954 after causing so much damage in the Antilles and in North and South Carolina that noone ever wanted to hear the name again. Nice!
hazel, Aug 24 2004

       //You're not the one stuck speaking Portuguese for the rest of your life//   

       Yeah [Bev], I think it's pretty funny even if it was explained the other way round (being spanish a bad spoken portuguese). I would like to learn portuguese some day... it's not too different from spanish.
Pericles, Aug 24 2004

       Apparently if you learn Spanish and French, you can speak Portugese...
swimr, Aug 24 2004

       Why are they named at all? I can't see that knowing which lethal natural disaster just wiped out some area of the map has any real value.
Phrontistery, Jul 21 2012

       Important things have names.
wagster, Jul 21 2012

       More likely, it's just another manifestation of the Pathetic Fallacy of which you humans seem so fond.   


       Giving it a "name" associates attributes of "will", "intent" and "personality"; apparently, your species finds some bizarre form of perverse reassurance when suffering loss, damage, injury or death if it can be attributed to a wilful act of malice rather than the chaotic interaction of stochastically predictable natural forces.
8th of 7, Jul 21 2012

       //Giving it a "name" associates attributes of "will", "intent" and "personality"//   

       Hi, [8th of 7].
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 21 2012

       Naming something usually makes it 'safe' by limiting what it is to a perceived understanding in the same way that thunder and lightning were once explained by Thor wielding Mjölnir. The notion that something 'can't' be labelled, delimited and controlled is too frightful to grasp.
Phrontistery, Jul 22 2012


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