h a l f b a k e r y
Quis custodiet the custard?
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Teaches your child that his grandfather wont be taking his room forever.
When Old Granddad first comes to live with you, hes not all that old, but upon contact with oxygen, his clear skin slowly begins to spot and wrinkle, over a couple of years coming to resemble that of a rotten banana, with
an occasional discoloration that your child learns is melanoma, or gangrene.
Fresh out the box, Old Granddad says things like, Hello there, Johnnie, hows school? but over time that changes to a crusty where am I? and who the hell are you? Eventually there is an extended spate of coughing, and then a final moment of lucidity: Im going now, Johnnie, be good to your folks. Bye bye...
After that emotion-laden scene, a spring-loaded needle plunges into a small tin of sardines hidden within the doll. After a few warm days, the stench becomes overpowering, so the only thing to do is to bury Old Granddad in the backyard, or cremate him in the barbecue pit.
[ldischler, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
|I don't know what to say. I just pray you are never responsible for raising any children.
On the other hand I like the idea of cremating the old bugger. Would add a nice touch to Guy Fox Night. If there was a charge of gunpowder in his neck, then his head would be blown off and come spinning through the night to land in little [Johnnie]'s lap. Just to put the finishing touch to emotionally scarring the poor kid.
|Maybe a lifesize dummie of the kids for grandddad to tell old stories to?