Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Ceci n'est pas une idée.

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.

user:
pass:
register,


 

Oldies but goodies

Crusty gets busty / stronger than beer goggles
 
(0)
  [vote for,
against]

There are, it seems, some lonely old people, who are socially excluded, and younger people take minimal interest in them. (Which sounds great to me. I actually look forward to a bit of peaceful exclusion by young people, followed by a nice long peaceful spell of death. But I’m married with kids) Anyway this ‘holiday/ retreat’ period that I look forward to doesn’t seem to suit everyone. It has been repackaged as loneliness, A BAD THING. Apparently it’s BAD ENOUGH to need a loneliness minister here in the uk.

It is sad but makes evolutionary sense why old ladies are cold- shouldered by younger society. Their eggs are poached, and in this world the reproductive drive is (or so biologists say) the hidden engine of glamour and influence. Older ladies are a Hotel California for sperm, and genes must’ve worked that out. It is a pretty shallow rule, but no one ever said natural selection had to be deep, and I guess it works. It decrees tight, plump skin, worth a s**g, but sagging, folded skin: young man, don’t waste your sperm!

Old men, well, this is less clear cut, since they are meant to be reproductively viable. (There is apparently a frog whose mating song improves linearly with age, and he becomes ever more desirable, up to death, which makes evolutionary sense, as his genes could be pretty good to have got him to the age he is.) But maybe it doesn’t work so well for the average human male? ( excluding the rich and famous.) Mick Jagger looks like a frog, though I’m not sure he sings better with age. Certainly he gets the attention of some young ladies, despite a certain ruggedness of face. Maybe there is something, acting like a soft focus lens, interposed between mick jaggers face, and the young ladies in question. Is it charisma, reputation, money? Whatever it is, it makes for love, which they say is blind..

Interpose between someone’s face and.. hmm.. Thanks to the coming social revolution which is called “augmented reality” old ladies don’t need to be left out in the cold any more, desexed, ignored, rejected - because Old ladies don’t need to LOOK like old ladies any more. Luckily the reproductive drive is easily subverted by technology, its’ simple rules bypassed, by technical fakery. (Take porn. Any porn. Genes ought to say, young man, don’t waste your sperm! But they haven’t caught up yet - maybe they will one day. Look out)

So, let’s cut to the chase, you are in a newfangled night club. Everyone wearing AR headsets of course. Permanently. The first rule of nightclub is, don’t take off your headset. The second rule of nightclub is.. PLEASE DONT TAKE OFF YOUR HEADSET. You may be a young man/ old man. You may be a young woman/ old woman. SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF IS YOUR RIGHT AND YOUR PRIVILEGE. (We suggest you maintain it)

You, nondescript young man, will not go home alone, that’s for sure. Maybe, on the way out, one of your mates will nudge you and say, good luck with that one. I hope she doesn’t s**t in your bed. (What’s he on about? Did he glimpse under his headset?) But that kind of comment is what mates are for when you go to night clubs.

And the next day, you will wake early, take a sickly look around, and be out the residential home in a flash, half-dressed. But that’s what young men do. Yes, this story is like Cinderella, only here Cinderella is the pumpkin.

Or maybe - just maybe, you wake up with the headset still on, and you have a nice chat, about how modern life is rubbish and decide to get married. And your mum and dad will come to the wedding wearing AR headsets too. And not give you a hard time, or even look squeamish.

And there will be no more need for a loneliness minister,

the end.

Ps There will probably have to be tactile additions to the elderly, to make this reality fully realisable. ie. body enhancement suits, (basically add-on latex tits and ass). (Please come to my website to place your order. No concessions for OAPs)

DDRopDeadly, Jan 20 2018

[link]





      
[annotate]
  


 

back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle