Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Chocolate that can do anything
  [vote for,

Earlier this evening I was slathering thick quantities of Nutella (chocolate spread with alleged nut traces) onto some slightly stale bread, when I thought: what I really fancy is some drinking chocolate. Hoping against hope, I checked the label of the Nutella jar, thinking there might be some way to transmute it into a hot steaming drink. But, alas, Ferrero have been busy putting all their energy into manufacturing plastic vampires and filming some of the worst TV ads in the history of the universe.

What, therefore, I demand is a chocolate-based product, probably in a large tube. Squeeze it onto bread and spread it, just like Nutella. Or you can squeeze it into a cup, top it up with hot water/milk and it's a yummy drink. Or throw it in the fridge for a few minutes, and it's a chocolate bar. Microwave, and pour it on your ice-cream. Add Kalhua, and it's a delicious liqueueuer.

Plus, you know how eating chocolate produces the same chemicals as having sex, but to get the same sensation you'd have to eat enough chocolate that no one would ever have sex with you again, even for a site listed on Portal Of Evil? We put more of that chemical in it too. And hazelnut flavouring, if you really want it.

And obviously it wouldn't make a mess and stick to stuff. Except naked bodies.

pottedstu, Oct 07 2001

"Liquid Nutella" http://bi.org/~jon/...ood/liquid-nut.html
Unfortunately, it doesn't actually involve Nutella. [egnor, Oct 07 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Chocolate-Hazelnut Soup http://www.almanac..../chocolatesoup.html
The non-alcoholic version (yes, that's right, the normal version is *alcoholic* chocolate hazelnut soup) uses Nutella. [egnor, Oct 07 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       And obviously, you'd want to be able to fill croissants with it too.
Guy Fox, Oct 07 2001

       With a bit of trial and error (and some other ingredients), you can probably prod Milo into fitting all of your chocolate based needs.   

       (If you didn't know, Milo is a Nestle chocolate drink that looks like coffee but is chocolate flavoured.)
mrkillboy, Oct 08 2001

       Fantastic. Forget the hazelnuts, pure chocolate is like gravity--everything responds to it.
Dog Ed, Oct 08 2001

       One of the Seattle chocolatieres makes a nearly-pourable-at-STP Ephemere Sauce, in squeeze bottles, that would about do you. It probably does stick to stuff other than naked bodies: I wouldn't know.
hello_c, Oct 09 2001

       hello_c: so how does it do on naked bodies?
pottedstu, Oct 09 2001

       // can we do the same with vegemite? //   

       Certainly, as long as none of the billion uses to which you put Omni-Vegemite actually includes eating it.
pottedstu, Oct 10 2001

       I'll only buy it if it tastes as good as Lindt Excellence 70%.
hippo, Oct 10 2001

       UB, the chemical you're thinking of is phenylethylamine, not phenylalanine. (Phenylalanine is in aspartame.)   

       According to TAFKAC, the researcher who originally proposed the theory that chocolate and being in love incur similar chemical changes in the brain (increased levels of PEA) now says that the theory doesn't hold water. The researchers ate large amounts of chocolate and just got headaches, without any increased PEA levels. Apparently, ingested phenylethylamine gets broken down before it reaches the blood or the brain.
wiml, Oct 11 2001

       Ah, UB, chocolate is indeed like gravity--which also can be deadly, especially if your parachute doesn't open. You know, I thought spreading chocolate sauce on buttered toast was a perversion of my very own; no one in my family or circle of friends seems to do it. But now I learn that the rest of the world knows and enjoys this treat. Bon appetit!
Dog Ed, Oct 11 2001

       //The researchers ate large amounts of chocolate and just got headaches.//   

       I sense some sexist-stereotype joke potential there...   

dbmag9, Jan 01 2008


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