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"Is there anybody there?" "Y-E-S" "Cool. Fancy a game of Snakes and Ladders?"
Being dead can't be much fun. Being a "spirit" would be even less so. Wafting about through the world without being able to make any kind of impact on it - that's got to suck. Before you even get halfways through your eternity, the obvious advantages are bound to lose their appeal.
The only mouthpiece
they seem to have is the Ouija board. If you're not familiar with this particular piece of kit; well, tough. I'm not going to explain it here. Just buy yourself one and have it spell it out for you.
Trouble is, most Ouija boards are used only by gullible teenagers, who, apart from a bunch of intimate personal questions (how did you die, etc) only want to know whether or not Brad fancies them. To the wandering shade, this must be somewhat tiresome, to say the least. It's no wonder they end up making up fictitious predictions, prescribing violent deaths to all, and generally making a spectral nuisance of themselves. It's easy to stifle spectral giggles behind the twitchy movements of a planchette.
So - stop plaguing the spirits with questions. They must get that all the time. Instead, challenge them to a game of Scrabble or something. Ouija Chess might be particularly rewarding - lay your fingers on your opponent's pieces, one by one, and wait for one to move of its own accord. Oujia Skalectrix may also be possible, given two teams of "channelers" and a couple of Matchbox die-cast models. I wouldn't recommend Cluedo though - not only will "the spirits" already know who did what and where, but it might also bring back a few memories that they'd prefer to forget.
Just remember to bear in mind that they've already cheated death, and make sure you keep a wary eye on that stack of Monopoly money at the side of the board..
Ouija Fun at Amazon
Made in Salem, Massachussetts, of course. Includes customer reviews - "There fine to use, But I recommend you are over 13. Or Older! What it is you talk to peepz that have gone to a better place if you know what I mean. You talk to them and when you finished talking or you feel un comftable say good bye that is very important. Dont say enter my body/house. [...] I gave it a [...] 3 for durability, because if you lose the seer(planchette), than you are crap outta luck, and you cannot play." Edifying stuff. [lostdog, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]